Where's The Lemonade?

Christmas Card 2013 Treat each kid uniquelyLunches. Darren made everyone the same thing. Paige asked the kids what they liked.You need to find out what they like and don't like.Sometimes a mall food court is the best option to take the family out.Give kids the opportunity to choose dinner.Discipline is different for each kid. The rules are the same but our reaction and discipline are different for each kid.The goal is to help the individual kid and keep some peace and tranquility in the house.Go One-on-OneSam gets a lot of one on one time.The other kids not as much. We want all of the kids together.We have had opportunities to be one one one. (Field Trips, trip to the grocery store, etc..)Date night with their kidsIndividual spontaneous time is just as good as a fully planned out activity.12-year-old trip with Dad.Individual trip when kids are adults - We try and make the opportunity when we can.Cook dinner with one of the kids on Thursday nights.Watch a show together.How do you teach to share when you want y

Your history has a profound effect on who you are. When you are in a second marriage that includes your relationship with your previous spouse. Sometimes learning about your spouse's previous relationships can be difficult, but we have found over the years that it has given us a better understanding of each other, where we have come from and what has shaped and molded each of us.Why your previous life is importantThe experiences that you have had made you who you are.Understanding your spouse's previous experiences is important to understand them, their triggers, and why they do what they do.Don't say previous life, previous marriage. Might be sensitive to your kidsThe kids' life and who they are is made up of the experiences with their parents. You cannot erase them. Remember when you try to erase or talk bad about your ex-spouse you are trying to erase part of your child. This can be very isolating and damaging to your relationship with your child.Fitting in and Accepting your new spotAccepting your spouse'

Every marriage includes different times when you have to compromise. In a blended family, there are even more opportunities to practice your compromising skills. In this episode, we explore different kinds of compromise and how best to work through the hard decisions you have to make.Blended Family CompromisesSmall thingsWhose pots and pans to keepStorage BinsSocks in the sock basketSoda at Dinner at a restaurantWhere to liveWorkSchools to go toChurchSports BedroomWhy Compromise (Win-Win, Win-Lose, and Lose-Lose)You have to.You can't both get exactly what you want you will have to give and take.Some people are saying don't compromise because if you compromise then neither person is happy.Some have come up with different names for the same thing. Solution, Deal, etc..Examples of compromiseWin-WinWin-LoseLose-Lose Making Compromises TipsCommunicate Your Needs ClearlyListen (Without Interrupting)Carefully weight Your OptionsPut Yourself in Your Partner's shoes (Get in the Trenches)Consider What is FairMake a Dec

In this episode, we talked to our older kids, the kids that were out of the house or teenagers when we got married. We asked them some hard questions about blending families, bonding with a step parent and fitting into this new family. We had our eyes opened as our kids did not hold back in their answers. We learned some new things, laughed and cried.Why was it so hard for the kidsYour older kids are typically not with you all of the time. Kids may not know the true motives of you marrying. For example, are you marrying to be saved? What do your kids think?Older kids might have a hard time seeing you show affection with your new spouse.They might feel that you are replacing their parent.They are feeling like the other kids might exclude the other family when they are bringing up old memories when they were growing up.They have a hard time seeing their family unit change into something else.How to bond with older children?RelaxDo nothing together.Be there physically and mentally.Embrace the old and the new.Get

Family Heritage Roadtrips help give your kids a sense of belonging and roots. With a blended family, it can be tricky if you don't plan things out carefully. This episode is a travel episode of our Heritage road, find out what worked well for us and did not.Why a heritage road trip?It gives the kids a sense of roots and belonging How do you handle a heritage road trip when one family is from one part of the country and the other is from somewhere else?Finding a common heritage by going to American History sites that we can all relate tooChurch History sites brought all of us togetherIdeas for riding in the car for so so long...Listen to a book that we can all get behindPaige always looks at articles for best young adult booksWe like Gordon Korman - Restart good bookAnna Sheehan's book A Long, Long Sleep - really interestingListen at 1.25x speed. Otherwise, it is too slow for usFind a book or podcast to listen to about where you are goingWe should have listened to some of the histories of where we were going b

Darren & Paige at a Pink ConcertWe thought the topic of depression and anxiety was important to cover because Paige suffers from clinical depression and Darren has suffered from situational depression in the past. In this episode, we talk about tools to help your spouse through their depression, how to identify the difference between the situational and clinical depression, and how to decrease the triggers that contribute to depression and anxiety.The Stigma of Depression and AnxietyAttitudes toward depression have changed over the years.Darren's Mom and her fight with Post-Partum depression after her last child.Situational DepressionTriggers of Depression (divorce, loss of a job,  the death of a close friend, a serious accident, moving, or other major life changes, such as retirement)Clinical DepressionThis is not easily overcome. No one knows what causes it. Neurotransmitters may be to blame.How to help your SpouseHard to know what to do when your spouse is depressed.Sometimes they want to talk to you a

Transparency in marriage is a hot topic in social media right now. The constant pull between personal privacy and sharing everything with your spouse has several couples at odds and is lighting up the blended family social groups. In this episode, we discuss how we tackle this hard issue.Start with a mutual understandingBoth Paige and I had trust issues because of our previous relationships.Come up with an agreement that bans secrets from your marriage.Your spouse is the one person that you should be completely open with.A mutual understanding of transparency helps hold you accountable.For us that meant:Everything has to out in the open: Email, texts, account passwords, etc.Watch out for land mines of trust (Triggers from a previous relationship)Remind each other that we are not the person from the previous relationship.Give your spouse first priorityIf you have good or important news, your spouse should be the first one to know.Darren has a friend who found out his daughter had her baby through social media

The Three Amigos - 2012It can be really difficult blending families, imagine what is like to blend with 10 siblings. Blending includes not just your kids it includes your siblings and parents as well. In this episode, we look at the pitfalls and the success of joining a big family that already has a history with your spouse's former spouse.Joining the extended familyBeing accepted in the family can be difficult or easy depending on the family.Your spouse has a history with their siblings and parents. You will now become part of that history.Family dynamics are different in each family.You have to find where you fit in the family.Being Dropped into family relationshipsConsider the size of the family. Darren’s family has 6 siblings, Paige’s has 4 siblings.The sibling placement makes a difference as well. Darren was in the middle, Paige was the baby by 6 years.Darren’s younger siblings remember his first wife when they were young teenagers. They grew up knowing her. 20 years of history.Paige’s siblings were alre

Engagement PictureLove does not conquer allFor those of you that think everything has been rosy. It has not.This has brought up some tension and memories of the hard times. Sacramento Airport.We were naive enough that we thought love would be able to handle all of the problems we faced. That helped but was not enough.Everything was hard.Meshing kids. We had two 16-year-olds that were completely different from different kinds of friends. One very social and another not very social at all. You cannot force them to be friends, and they didn't want to be. Now they are really good friends.Meshing rules. Is there a double standard for some of the kids? Or is everything the same?Meshing discipline. Understanding boundaries with step kids were hard. Older kids and younger kids.Expectations for a clean house.  Darren's idea of clean is picked up. Not clean. Paige wanted things cleaned.Logistics of a blended familyMovingLogistics. What to keep what to throw out? Where do we fit everything? Two households crammed into o

This episode is about surviving and maybe even enjoying, road trips with your family.  They can really be a time of bonding (or total stress!) with some preparation. Food, audible, games and electronics can get you through it!! Road trips can build memories:We just got back from a quick trip to visit our new Grand-baby Zoey Anne. We left on Thursday night and came home on Sunday. So we were in the car for 23 hours an in Utah for 40 hours. Totally worth it!Long road trips are something uniquely American, and even more so in Western America. Memories of long road trips growing up. Do you remember when your mom or dad lost it? Or do you remember the restaurant that you always stopped at?  Darren's family took several trips from Central CA to Southern CA to visit grandma. He remembers the road trips more than all of the places we stayed. The "Tickle Tummies" south of four corners outside of Mojave.Paige remembers the long trek from OK to Disney World with their camper. So fun!The story of Ruby dying in St George

How do you extend your blending family through the generations? Our parents showed us through their example of accepting and bringing our blended family directly into our family. We have learned as we are starting to add grandchildren that who they biologically belong to really does not matter. In this episode, we talk about how to make the blending extended beyond just our family. We have found that there is no step in Grandma and Grandpa, or Aunt and Uncle.Our two Grandbabies (Emma Jane and Zoey Anne)Extending the blended family across multiple generationsOur parents - Grandparents accepting the blended familyBecoming Grandparents in a blended familyTips on GrandparentingOur parents have accepted the new step grandkids as their own.One of the great gifts that our parents gave us when we got married was accepting our kids as their grandkids. This has given the kids a sense of belonging in a period of chaos and uncertainty.Darren’s Mom gives out $100 for each grandkid that can kiss her on the forehead. The da

Too many Christmas PresentsWhy Traditions are importantThey give us a foundation to build our lives onThey give us a sense of roots and belongingWe asked the kids what they thoughtThe Younger kids had a different perspective than the older kids They can only remember the traditions that we currently haveThey have some that are doubled upOlder kids rememberSome of the traditions when we were still married to their parents. Some we have droppedSome of the traditions that we continue to do give them a sense of belonging to this new familyBuilding Traditions in Blended FamiliesKeep Traditions (Combining)Choose one over anotherCreating new onesKeeping TraditionsKeeping both traditions for the same eventSausage Fondue and Eggs Benedict - combined Christmas breakfastSausage Fondue is from Paige’s first husbands familyGiving the kids an ornament is from Paige’s first husbands familyActing out the NativityFondue on Christmas EveEaster baskets Carving Pumpkins. Only kids like, we wouldn't mind if it went away ;)Choosin

Anton Valley Panama Why we go on trips?Your life does not start alone, you are dropped off in the middle of a bunch of stuff!There is no beginning with just the two of you.Important to disconnect from everyone and everything.Second Marriages don’t have a real honeymoon time. Things we have learned about spending time together alone.Understanding what helps the other person relax (Paige read a book, Darren Program)Finding out what we enjoy togetherFinding out what annoys the otherTrip HighlightsPanama, why? It was warm and we have not been there yet and not too expensive.Riding horses on the beach.We stayed in Rio Hato Buenaventura. Marriott Plug.We went to Anton Valley, ate at an incredible restaurant in Casa de Lourdes.Darren got a speeding ticket. Not his first in a foreign country.Came up with the idea of doing a podcastWe spend time (not too much) talking about our future long term and short term.Where we want to live?Family ReunionsFalling in love all over again. Focused attention on each other and nothi

Brief historyBoth found ourselves divorced after over 20 years.We met online. Paige was the first girl to flirt with Darren online.It was hard to go on a date for the first time after 20 years.Did not want to introduce dates to kids until this was more serious.Lives are thrown together, no way to prepare.6 (Darren’s) + 4 (Paige’s) = 10 KidsWhen we first got married we had 7 kids at home with 7 different schedulesHow Paige sacrificed her career to stay at home and keep things running.After some time Paige started an Etsy shop. Daisy Blossom Creations. Check it out here.We survived how did we do it?Why are we doing this?We wish we had some practical advice from someone who was going through the same thing as us.Our friends that hadn't been through a divorce really couldn't understand what we were going through and how we were figuring it out.We have friends that are interested and curious about how we are making blending two large families together. And we seem to be fairly happy while we are making this work.W