Conversations With Cinthia

Maybe you've been listening to the episodes on good mental hygiene, and you're starting to understand how important thoughts are.  Maybe you're trying to make some general shifts in that department.  Cinthia encourages us to be even more intentional in this, paying attention to the little words that change the tone of our thoughts.  She also discusses the strategy of distracting yourself when battling certain thoughts becomes self-defeating.

We've established that thoughts are incredibly powerful and that we have a high level of choice in how we manage thoughts once they pop into our brains.  Some thoughts can be very real, powerful, and seemingly valid to us without actually being true; consider an anorexic's belief that he/she is overweight.  How can we know the difference between thoughts that are very real for us and thoughts that are actually true?  And what do we do with untrue, unhelpful thoughts that continue to seem real?  Cinthia encourages us to take our thoughts to God and ask Him to test them against His own.  She also presents several practical exercises to help us manage unhelpful thoughts on a day-to-day basis.

Do you ever say things to yourself that would be too mean to say to another person?  What would you do if someone else talked to you the way you talk to yourself?  Our inner conversation directly affects our experience of the world and other people's experiences of us.  In fact, research shows our self-related thoughts impact our health and can shut down our bodies' self-repair mechanisms.  If you tend to take the path of least resistance with your thoughts, going down familiar paths and believing the things your mind tells you without testing them, it's time to listen to this episode.

We all have thoughts pop into our brains, and we have to decide whether to challenge the thoughts or accept and follow them.  Did you know that these mental choices actually strengthen and weaken neural pathways in our brains, creating "grooves" in a sense that affect how easy it is for our brains to go down the same path again?  Cinthia looks at what the Bible says about how we manage these amazing computers we call our brains.

No offense to cat people -- Cinthia loves cats, too -- but you can learn a lot from a dog.  How much happier would we be if we learned the kinds of peaceful gazing, openness to affection, excited greeting, savoring of the good things, devotion to sleep, silent companionship, forgiveness, treat enjoyment, focus, happiness, and time outside that our dogs seem to know when they enter the world? 

We hear often about self-care, and there are lots of lists of ways to care for ourselves.  But if we don't assimilate the "why" by learning to truly value ourselves, acts of self-care can be unfulfilling.  How well do you get along with yourself?  What kind of relationship do you have with you?  Cinthia encourages exploring our foundations for self-value and working out the relationship problems happening inside us.  

Change is stressful, even when it's good change and certainly when the change is painful.  How can we take care of ourselves as we go through change?  To begin, Cinthia discusses the difference between finding the gain in a loss and simply "thinking positively."  She also discusses accepting feelings, learning to relax during pain, allowing others into our pain appropriately, gratitude, noticing, asking God how our specific, individual souls need to be nurtured, and more.

In a recent episode, Cinthia stated, "Every gain has a loss; every loss has a gain."  Today she talks more about blocks that can keep us from grieving the losses that come with change (yes, even good change), or can get us stuck somewhere in the grieving process.  There are losses that we grieve for the rest of our lives (e.g. losing a child), but grieving well frees us to accept any beauty that may also be present and honor what or whom we have lost more fully.  God grieves, too, and He can help us in our grief to grieve more as He does and accept His joy, as well.  Cinthia also discusses ways we sometimes hurt our grieving friends and family members when we most want to help.  How can we be most helpful for our grieving loved ones instead of making things worse like Job's friends did?

What are you tendencies when change happens?  Do you intellectualize, manipulate, control?  Do you ask God for guidance and hope?  There are parts of change we can control and parts we have to accept, and there are losses and gains that have to be addressed.  In the last episode, Cinthia introduced three types of change.  Today she discusses more specifically how to these types and continues her look at unhealthy defense mechanisms we may use, as well as the grief and loss process as it applies to change.

We often use our energy fighting change instead of adapting to it.  Cinthia elaborates on the idea that loss and gain always go together and that trust enables us to draw strength for dealing with the losses and to embrace the gains more fully.  She introduces three types of change, discusses the value of fully going through the change process, and lists some ways humans tend to short-change ourselves in the face of change.

We tend to have trouble with change because it's stressful, regardless of whether the change is positive or negative.  Growth is painful and causes strain.  Cinthia explains that the enemy of our souls wants us to weaken from change, but that God can use it to strengthen us in ways we never imagined.  How is change affecting you?  

As Cinthia explained in yesterday's episode, twilight is a time of change and is crucial to our sense of rhythm in life. Sometimes we try to avoid change or just get through it, and, in our society, we tend to fight time and try to control it. Rhythm, however, is important, and times of change are powerful. Cinthia discusses ways to make the most of twilight and manage the emotions that can accompany it.

Twilight is a time of ending and beginning, of changes in the light, of obscurity, of ambiguity, of change.  This can be a difficult time for some, but we need these special times of transition.  Our lives have times of twilight, as well, and we can miss their importance and significance if we don't stop to receive them.  It can usher in dark nights of the soul or the dawn for which we've longed.  Cinthia explores the significance of twilight in the Bible and in our lives, and this episode introduces a series on change.  Listen.  Appreciate and receive the gifts of twilight.  

Karen Kingsbury is a #1 New York Times bestselling author who joins Cinthia to discuss her new book!  She and Cinthia discuss the grief and loss process that plays a pivotal role in the book To the Moon and Back, which involves characters who lost parents in the Oklahoma City bombing.  Sometimes story helps us deal with the tragedies of life when we have no other means to do so.  Karen and Cinthia discuss how grief can impact our view of God and how addressing this view can be a key to healing.

Men and women have this in common: when we get what we need, we tend to be better versions of ourselves and have more to give in relationships.  Gentlemen, we're still talking about what women want and need, and security is at the heart of it.  This has implications for honesty, communication, financial risk,  the state of her home, and so much more.  You may work hard all the time, but effort in the small things may impact her in surprising ways.  What role does confidence play?  What about chivalry -- is holding the door respectful or offensive?  What does it mean to be a man at home so that your wife doesn't feel like your mother?  How do you show interest in the conversations that are important to her?  How do you show her that you are worthy of her trust?  What lets a woman know that she is a priority to you?  Cinthia tells you more about how to love a woman well.

Women need to feel secure in order to be the best version of themselves and to be able to give themselves freely.  They don't just want security; they need it.  This does not mean women can't be strong, but women are, in many ways, wired to adapt when the need arises.  When too much adaptation is required, women can lose themselves, communicate in ways men find unhelpful, and become more distant and less relaxed.  Gentlemen, how can you bring out the best in a woman?  Treating her the way you would want another man to treat you may seem like a good idea, but it tends not to work out well.  How do your words and actions affect her?  What does it mean when she drops her point and gives in to you?  Hang in there, guys; Cinthia is here with specifics.

What makes a woman feel loved, and where does sex fit into the picture?  Cinthia explains that women tend to experience their bodies, minds, and environments very differently from the way that men do, and that, for neurological reasons, they tend not to compartmentalize in the same way that men can.  Cinthia discusses a woman's need for security and for understanding of the way she experiences stress.  Gentlemen, does it seem like you can't win with her sometimes?  Is buying her things helpful, and does it matter how much they cost?  What are you supposed to say when she worries about her appearance?  Is protectiveness a good thing or not? There really are ways to help her feel loved.  Let Cinthia give you some guidelines.

Men, if you've ever had trouble figuring out a woman (and, let's face it, poets, philosophers, musicians, movie makers, and lots of other groups have often tried and failed at this one), this episode is for you.  Last week was all about men: what they want, what they need, how they think and are wired. This week, we're talking about women. Don't miss this introduction to the series in which Cinthia talks about one of the greatest needs for women: ongoing affirmation, validation, and reassurance.  She really does need to hear it again, and her tears don't necessarily mean you did anything wrong.  Cinthia tells you how to give her what she's really seeking without driving yourself crazy in the process.

Masculinity is increasingly misunderstood, degraded, mocked, and feared.  In this environment, Mark Hancock, CEO of Trail Life USA, asserts that typical boys are increasingly being pathologized and treated but need instead to be challenged and engaged.  His organization puts boys in charge of planning and implementing adventures and brings them into appropriate relationships with other boys and men, helping them become the heroes they want to be instead of assuming them to be the villains.  

This episode is especially important for women to hear.  (Gentlemen, next week will offer you something similar!)  Women often try to interact with men in ways that make perfect sense... to women.  Just because you've been in relationship with a man for a long time doesn't necessarily mean you know how to communicate in ways that are helpful, and it's possible to tear apart things that are precious to us and not even know how we're doing it.  This episode is crucial for any woman who wants her relationship with a man to improve.