Where's The Lemonade?

COVID-19 is starting to divide our nation and its families. Imagine trying to co-parent with different opinions on COVID safety, money problems due to layoffs, or school plans when schools start up again. There seems to be no gray area when it comes to people's feelings on all of these subjects with respect to COVID and the quarantine. In this episode, we call on a dear friend Reice Morris, a life coach,  (www.riecemorris.com) to help us understand how people are dealing with this. Assumption. You don't wear a mask in the grocery store you don't care about other people.Assumption. If you wear a mask in the grocery store people think you're taking this too far and going overboard.COVID and the resulting quarantine has been divided our societySome people believe that we need to be extra cautious. Others have felt like their Liberties have been taken away.No matter what side of the debate you fall on people make assumptions about you.This is exacerbated in a blended family where multiple parents are involved in

COVID-19 and the corresponding quarantine has brought out some interesting stereotypes that we have seen over the last 3 months. This recognition of stereotypes has given Paige and Darren an internal look at stereotypes that they have had about divorce and blended families. In this episode, we expose the different stereotypes of divorced people, their blended families, and how to overcome those stereotypes. Stereotypes of DivorceDivorce is a contagious diseaseDivorcees are not capable of love.Marriage is not taken seriously.You didn't try hard enough.What do you do to mess up?You are selfish.You must not be spiritual enough or close to God if you let this happen to you.You failed.Do you still let you kids play with other kids whose parents are getting divorced?Stereotypes of Blended FamiliesThe Brady Bunch is probably the first blended family.People judge you individually that you could not keep your marriage together.The kids are looked at broken. You are not from a good family anymore.Kids joke that they ar

COVID-19 got you down. Quarantine is playing a number on our emotional and physical selves.In this episode listen to how Darren & Paige handle their "Cabin Fever".Will anger and anxiousness take over or are there some things they have found work to ease the stress of uncertainty.Angry and AnxiousnessWill the school decide to please (Grading for Distance learning)School just did a pass/fail after our kids have been working hard to do distance learningTough situation - Needs to be fair for everyone.Are we doing distance learning in the fall?UncertaintyCan't back to our livesSee our friendsGo see our grandkidsGo sit on the beach.Paddleboarding (Is it ok or is it not okay)Hearing different things every day.Sometimes doctors say something (Two Doctors in Bakersfield)Other doctors saying not to leave your house for 18 months. Lower hospital rates are giving us I little bit of hope. So we push the limits of the stay at home order.Governor says weeks until phase 2 next day is is days.Fighting Quarantine FatigueAc

Nine years ago when we got married we had the perfect vision of blending our families. Of course, we wanted it to be like a nuclear family with white picket fences and a dog. What we ended up with was several different family groups and plenty of lessons learned. But we love our blended family and constantly nurture and feed it. Check out how we got there in this episode.Blending 4+6 (2+5)We wanted to create one big family not have 3 separate families3 little ones are being raised together.Hard for the older kids to feel part of all of Still a separation between the older kids. The kids need to feel like they still have a bond with the kids they grew up with.You cannot force this.During the COVID pandemic we have seen many blended families feeling the familial relationships even more.It can become very divisive for familiesIt is ok to make sure that the kids feel ok about the different family relationships. We recognize the different family unitsWe try hard to do things all together.We plan things together.We

We have noticed an uptick on blended families have issues in their families that just seem insurmountable. Stress from the COVID-19 pandemic uncertainty in health, job stability, and the economy is driving wedges in relationships between husband and wife and kids. In this episode learn how to identify the signs of stress, their causes and how to deal with stress in a productive way.Causes of StressFear and worry about your own health and the health of your loved onesChanges in sleep or eating patternsDifficulty sleeping or concentratingWorsening of chronic health problemsWorsening of mental health conditionsIncreased use of alcohol, tobacco, or other drugsSigns of StressDistance themselves from one another as they try to copeFight more frequentlyFind it difficult to plan quality time together as a way to rebuild relationshipsExperience sleeplessness, lethargy, anxiety, and loss of appetite as they work through feelingsEngage in exaggerated behaviors as a result of trying to process difficult emotionsDealing w

It is week 2 of the "Shelter in Place" order from the state of California. In this episode learn how Darren & Paige handle uncertainty. anxiety, and lots of food. We focus on staying connected with friends and family, finding comfort, and finding lemonade when there are lots of lemons.Staying connectedWhat's with the T.P shortage? Who knew that T.P. would become such a commodity!And yeast! Now we are all bakers? Why? There is plenty of bread in the stores.How are everyone's relationships holding up? We try to get a little time alone every day. Walk. Go to bed early and watch a show together. Go to the store together. Very exciting things!! And get some alone time as well. Put yourself on timeout. We were heading to the store and asked neighbors what we could get them. It hasZoom is now very popular. The kids have had zoom get-togethers, we have for the church and I have with my friends. A great way to stay in touch. And share funny things happening.Family Zoom mettings.Set up a password for your meetings.

In this episode find out how Darren & Paige handle the first week of having everyone home in a "Shelter in Place" order by the state of California due to the Covid-19 pandemic. Are we going to grow closer together or drive each other crazy?Adjusting to the New NormalDarren is home all of the time now. He used to travel 2 days a week.Paige got used to Darren being home all day for a couple weeks. Intel forced work from home.Kids' school is canceled and now at home all day long.Paige's schedule is completely interrupted because she is focused on keeping the kids on a schedule.Uncertainty with the school starting an online school or not. When will school start again?External activities are canceled (Swim, Track).Dealing with the emotional strain of world uncertainty (Work, Health)Darren helping with kids' online stuff adds more stress.Setting a ScheduleAfter a weekend of uncertainty and laying around trying to figure things. Waiting for the school to figure things out. Monday and Tuesday we had a partial sch

Money and kids can be hard in any family. When you throw two families together with different histories and expectations Money can be a tough issue to navigate. In this episode, Darren and Paige reveal some of the hard money issues they faced when they first got married and even pop up today. Everything is up for debate when it comes to money: College, Cars, Cell phones, Soda at restaurants who pays for what and when. Bringing money togetherBringing traditions togetherBy sodas at dinnerGetting a kid a carCell phonesWho pays for collegeAllowanceBuying clothesEating outTreating kids with equalityParents have different incomes. Things might not be equal as far as gifts, clothesCell phone, computers, cars, clothesStep-parent vs Bio-parentHard because they have different grandparentsDifferent Christmas giftspaying for collegeThere isn't equality, but we try our bestWhat about older kids that have already moved on.Younger kids raised together are treated differentlyLemonade Moment of the WeekJacob brings his "girlf

In this episode, we talk about the key things that you can do to destroy your marriage. We researched some articles and found some interesting things that we need to work on to have a stronger relationship. Check out these great ideas.Become StagnantForgetting to keep the romance aliveDon't forget your spouse should be your friend too.Not finding ways to stay connected.Become boringBe In Love with your phone and TVPut others before your spouseWork, MoneyFriend, social lifeKidsIgnore Problems (Communication)Never arguingNever listening to what your partner has to sayDon't go to bed angry or DoGive your Spoused the Silent TreatmentThreaten DivorceStop Having SexIntimacy is important as it brings you and your spouse together physically and emotionally.Not parenting as one unitNot willing to change or growSpend more money than what you HaveKeep SecretsYou Never Help around the HouseOversharingKeeping ScoreBeing overly Jealous or UntrustingLinkshttps://www.marriage365.org/blog/10-ways-to-ruin-your-marriagehttps://

Valentine's Day is always a stressful time for people. Expectations of the perfect romantic day never match the reality of the day. In this episode, we talk about our successes and failures of Valentine's Days past. It is a "funny look" at a difficult time of the year for many men and women throughout the world.History of Valentine's DayBased on St. ValentineSecond card-sending holiday right behind ChristmasStarted as notes passed from person to person expressing real feelingsThe chocolate industry got involvedThe card industry got involvedStats on Valentine's Day6 million couples get engaged on Valentine's Day $18.2 billion will be spent this year for Valentine's Day54% of persons will celebrate Valentine's Day this year190 million cards250 million rosesMost wanted gifts for women (Big loving gestures, some love it,  and some hate it)CardFlowersChocolateJewelryMost wanted for men SexChocolateExpectations and RealityInequality in the holidayMore pressure on men than women for this holidayWomen expect men to d

When we first got married we believed that love would conquer all. Blending families would be as simple as moving all of our stuff into a house and making it a home. Successfully blending families is hard work and takes some careful planning. we learned some invaluable lessons over the years. In this episode find out what worked and what completely failed in our attempt to bring two families together.What is it like being parents in a blended familyMost couples fight over money, sex, inlaws, and kidsBlended families have all of that magnified50% of families in America are blended.You have to figure out how to make life work inside your home and another home as well.Co-parenting with another family is very hard.Different rules,ExpectationsMost blended families fail 65- 75%.Balancing everything schedulesNo ability to make decisions by yourself.Biggest problems Blended Families FaceSibling rivalryEveryone needs attentionStepparent Discipline can be a ChallengeYou feel like two separate families. Three in our cas

We had to go to marriage counseling to resolve a problem that has bubbled up over time. In this episode find out how we have used marriage counseling to strengthen our marriage and help us feel like we can tackle the problems thrown at us (with some help of course).Counseling in the BeginningWe started counseling the day we got engaged.Our counselor taught us how to communicate and empathize with each other.We spent time getting in the trenches with each other.Learned to give each other the benefit of the doubt.Periodically we go back to a counselor to get a refresh and help us work through problems.Benefits of CounselingBoth parties get impartial adviceA safe environment for honestyAn opportunity to unburden resentment and frustrationA forum to rebuild trustCreating an attachment bondEffectiveness of Marriage CounselingThe motivation of both partners and time, play an important role in success.Find a "good fit" counselor for you and your partner.Don't wait too long to reach out for help. (average people wait

After years of marriage, our date night consisted of finding a rom-com and falling asleep on the couch. We freshened things up with new date ideas including trying to find something open after 9pm in Folsom. We ended up going to a grocery store and making more healthy brownies. Check out our episode about how to spark excitement in your marriage.Getting back to dating after a divorceWhen you first start dating after a divorce you don't bring your dates around the kids. So you have to find places to meet.Closed restaurantsBowlingGrocery runs at 10pm MoviesMiniature GolfFalling into a routine (rut)In a blended family, you only have your kids every other weekend so it is hard to go out and leave them.The kids like it when we go out. They love having the house to themselves (Scary)In a blended family, it is extremely important to have alone time, because you never had a honeymoon with no kids, exes, etc..Life gets busy,We are tired.It is hard to come up with things to do.The town closes down at 9pm. What would we

The Christmas clutter leads us to start an early spring cleaning and organizing. In this episode, we uncover our deepest darkest secret, we are "Organizational Posers". We hide our inability to stay organized by putting all of the stuff in a couple places in the house (Office, and Garage). We learned some tips on how to survive the dreaded post-Christmas de-clutter.Faking organization during ChristmasWe are organization posers. We look organized in most of our lived-in spaces but have many hidden clutter spots.Our office and garage are those places.During Christmas find a place for "things" so no one can see it. You need a place to hide Christmas presents. Declutter after ChristmasDownsize your Christmas DecorPoinsettia purchase every year and they barely last the Christmas season. We resist the temptation to get fake ones because we have no place to store them.Get rid of any broken or duplicate decorations.Ditch any light strings that no longer work.Set aside any decorations that have become too difficult fo

We have been setting goals with our kids every year at the beginning of the year since we started blending families. We would spend a day after new years day and talk to the kids about the importance of setting and achieving goals. We would write our goals down and then put them in a box in the entertainment center. Then the next year at New Year's day we would dust off the box and look at the goals stored inside. These weren't goals, just forgotten wishes.Teaching about GoalsBraking things down into categories: Physical, Intellectual, Social, SpiritualWriting goals down. What is a goal what are steps to achieve a goalFamily goalsSharing goals with each otherNew years resolutionsGoals not Wishes (papers in a box)Discover,Plan,ActReflectVision boardsAsking for help to achieve goals (resources, money, lessons, etc...)Blending Families additional coordinationFamily goals may be different in each home.Inconsistency between homesCoordinating between parentsBe careful to not have conflict goals or rewardsLemonade M

Christmas is a wonderful time to reflect and give thanks. But it is often a time of stress, college kids returning home, and in-laws visiting. All of the normal pressures of "Christmas Expectations" is compounded when you add a blended family. Sharing time with your kids, duplicate presents, and who gets to take the kids to the latest "Star Wars" are just some of the things you have to worry about.Things that cause stressKids coming home from collegeWork partiesFamily partiesMeal planningFeeling like you need to entertain all the timeMaking sure everyone has the "right" number of presentsSharing time with your ex ( Added pressure to do fun things when you have the kids)Being alone at Christmas (All kids gone at their other parent's house)Getting the best gift for your spouseManaging kids stressHaving a set schedule is important. Even our adult kids like having a schedule. Not pulled between parents.Who buys presents and when? And for whom?Tradition overlap?Who gets to take the kids to the latest Star Wars mov

In this episode find out how gratitude helps fight depression and anxiety by re-wiring the brain. Find out how we have tried to teach our kids real gratitude, what works and what we did wrong.Why is Gratitude so importantIt rewires the brainIncreases will powerKeeps you calmBoost moraleCount your blessingsThe more you practice gratitude, the more attuned you are to it and the more you can enjoy its psychological benefits.How to Cultivate GratitudeTeaching Kids GratitudeWhat we NOTICE in our lives for which we can be gratefulHow we THINK about why we have been given those thingsHow we FEEL about the things we have been givenWhat we DO to express appreciation in turnTools to help with gratitudeGratitude Journal (Write down daily three things you are grateful)Write letters of thanks to people in your life.Give a "call out" or "ata boy" to someone each day.Donate to a charity to show gratitudeVolunteer at a charitable organization. (justserve.org)Recognition awards - Darren's work has the ability to say thank you

Divorce can bring out the worst in people. Competition between ex(s) only magnifies the bad feelings and contention in the relationship. Many times kids can feel this tension and can even become the center of the competition, feeling like a pawn in a highly competitive chess match. In this episode, we talk about how to avoid competition with your Ex or your Ex's spouse.Competing for the KidsWhen you start sharing custody you will begin to feel distanced from your kids.Why Compete with your Ex?So your kids will love you To get back at your ex.Your child already loves you and you do not need to compete.The behavior to get back at your ex will only misfire. It puts them in a stronger position to counter-act your behavior.How do you compete?Buying your child gifts, toys, days off of school. (You want to be the favorite)Being more lenient with the kids, late bedtime, letting them eat whatever they want.What effect does it have in kidsOnly a negative effect on your child.Your change in behavior will only confuse th

In this episode, we talk about setting and sticking to boundaries as a step-parent. Boundaries with step kids and ex-spouses.Talking negatively about your spouse's exNever in front of the kids or around the kids.Kids hear everything. Be cautiousTalking to your spouse about their ex.Be careful about negative conversations with anyone else.Disciplining your stepchildrenWhat about kids being raised together."NACHO kids" and "this is my house"Age of the children matter.Stick to your guns or let things go?Trying to take the place of your spouse's exDon't be tempted to try and replace your step-kids biological parent.Missing, significant mental illness, death, etc... are not good reasons Putting yourself in the middle Between your spouse and his/her childrenDon't fight for love and affection, while it may be tempting to get on your stepkids good side by disagreeing with your spouse, this is not a good idea and will backfire at some point. The uniformed front is the best offense.Between your spouse's ex and his/her

In this episode, Darren and Paige spend some time together alone. No kids. This time in Greece. Follow their adventures to Athens, Santorini, and Peloponnese.Why spending time alone together is importantRecharge our relationship.Put all of our worries behind and focus on each other.Fall in love again.AthensWe arrived in the late afternoon and checked into the Grande Bretagne. Great hotel. We were tired and wanted to head to bed. But we could hear music in the park next to the hotel. The best food that night came from a tip from the Missionaries of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who we ran into in the square.Great time in the park listening to music. This park was the center of musical talent every night we were there. See video on Greek rendition of Billy Jean.Temple of  Zeus, Hadrian's Gate, Acropolis Museum, The next day we did the Athens thing and took the walk to the historical sites 20 000 steps.Acropolis Hill and the Parthenon on the Acropolis. Greecian Agora and walked the touristy str