Conversations With Cinthia

Do you ever wish there was a handbook about friendship for adults?  Something for those of us longing to enjoy friendships more, be a better friend, or connect more easily?  Today Cinthia tackles the topic of adult friendship, pointing us to the One Who most exemplifies friendship and Who calls us (His followers) His friends.  She explores the meaning and nature of friendship, how to be the kind of friend your friends need, and what it means to be a friend of God.  If you want friends, it helps to be friendly.  Today's episode offers help to figure out what this means and what it has to do with you.

Have you ever asked the question, “Why?!”  Have you whispered it?  Screamed it?  Cried it?  Sobbed it?  “Why?” seems like such a natural question in a confusing, grief-soaked world, but too many of us have found ourselves stuck on the question.  We may demand answers in an attempt to control the uncontrollable, change the unchangeable, or soothe what seems unbearable.  And, while it’s good to know God can handle our questions, anger, and pain, sometimes we cling so hard to the question “Why?!” that we start to think our hope lies in obtaining answers -- answers that may not come in this lifetime.  Today, Cinthia shares some other writers’ thoughts on this and encourages us to begin releasing our determination to never receive peace until we first receive what we judge to be a satisfactory answer to the question, “Why?!” 

Do you ever suspect that our society is low on grown-ups these days?  We tend to believe we are entitled to consistently pleasant feelings and that someone is to blame if these aren't happening.  We get confused about the difference between things that "feel" true and things that actually are.  Cinthia explains that these ways of thinking tend to be hallmarks of childhood, not signs of a healthy adult approach.  Just as we don't want little children trying to handle adult problems, we can't let the most childish and vulnerable parts of our psyches run our lives and make decisions that impact our lives and the lives of other people.  So how do adults deal with feelings?  What hopes should we grasp, and what losses should we accept?  How can we grow up enough to stop needing to believe things that aren't true?  Join Cinthia to examine some ideas that may be difficult but can help us to truly grow up.  

How do you react under stress?  And what does that tell you about your character?  Today Cinthia continues her look at the way the pandemic is revealing things to us about ourselves, our relationships, and our world.  She discusses the concept of distress tolerance as addressed by Dr. Marsha Linehan, as well as some ways to begin strengthening your ability to tolerate distress when necessary without turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms.  She also explores the idea of radical acceptance and emphasizes that acceptance does not have to mean agreement with what is happening.  Discomfort is a part of life, and we all have to work on our responses to it. Join Cinthia to look at strategies for dealing with the discomfort of life instead of making it worse with our reactions.

Has the COVID-19 situation revealed anything to you?  Anything about yourself, your family, your friends, your leaders, your society, anything?  Cinthia is pleased to again share the microphone with Marc Lucas of "The Form" and Local Ministry Director of KPXQ1360 AM Radio as they discuss the ways the current crisis is serving to increase our awareness of so many things on so many levels.  Maybe you are learning things that pleasantly surprise you; maybe you are learning some things it was easier not to know.  Whatever the case, Cinthia and Marc assure us that God is with us as He opens our eyes and longs to help us see more clearly so we can heal more deeply and love more freely.  What are you learning, and how will it shape your "new normal?"  Join Cinthia and Marc to explore what it means to choose to grow in the face of the new information the crisis brings us.

How do you know when you need help?  Are you willing to get help when you need it?  This episode has two related parts.  The first is an interview with Michael Johnson, President of Slavic Gospel Association (SGA).  He shares amazing stories of work happening in the Slavic nations as COVID-19 spreads but, like any sickness, fails to have the last word in light of the Gospel.  SGA is helping many, and an opportunity to help is mentioned.  Cinthia then continues with a look at how we know when we need to accept help for ourselves to deal with the problems and challenges in our own lives.  Join Cinthia for specific criteria that can help you decide whether to reach out for help, as well as thoughts on why this can be so difficult to do and some ways to shift your perspective about it.

There are rules for survival and other rules for truly living life.  Today Cinthia discusses simple guidelines for doing more than just getting through this life, this pandemic, this day.  You may remember some of the concepts from her book God Wants You Truly Living (Not Walking Dead), but today she discusses them in light of the current crisis and changes.  Today’s rules include things like expressing gratefulness, valuing relationships, living in the present, accepting uncertainty, dealing with bad habits, and much more.  Join her for some simple reminders that may not be so simple after all.

Times like this, times of change and uncertainty and adjustment, cause us to look where we lean and consider what we've made our foundation, our support, our hope, our everything.  Maybe you've always tried to lean on God but are surprised at how shaken you feel by something that's happened.  Maybe you're upset about the virus or the economy or the decisions made by others.  Maybe you are in a specific situation that involves sheltering in a very stressful place or trying to figure out how to support yourself and your family when your livelihood has disintegrated in a matter of weeks.  The ground on which you stand may be shifting rapidly, and you may not have the strength to deal with the unknown.  God knows.  He is stable and strong.  When our understanding runs out, we find it was always more limited than we knew.  Join Cinthia to look at what it means to lean on God and not be disappointed.

We are in a time of tremendous change, and we don't really know where it's headed.  Change isn't new, though, and today Cinthia looks at how to deal with it at this time in history.  What has changed for you?  How are you dealing with it?  Cinthia reminds us that, while God is not the author of harm, He is also not surprised by the current changes.  These changes cannot prevent Him from making us more like the people He intended us to be.  In fact, even while He grieves for the loss and destruction that mars the world He made, He still triumphantly uses change to produce growth, beauty, character, relationships, and so many other good things.  Join Cinthia to explore what it means to continue becoming the best version of yourself, the person you were meant to be, even in the midst of the current change.  

Some people struggle with faith; some struggle with trust.  What is the difference, and what are we supposed to do when our faith waivers or our trust wanes?  What does God do when this happens?  Cinthia looks again at the father who approached Jesus's disciples for help regarding his demon-possessed son.  After years of agony, the man held on to hope but also was tormented by doubt.  Jesus was worthy to handle both and still is.  Join Cinthia to explore what it means to trust the One Who died for us when our doubts seem bigger than our answers.

The world is full of anxiety today, and it tends to prevent us from functioning optimally, being creative, and connecting with ourselves and each other. Negativity comes naturally to the human brain.  Cinthia explores what it means to let God give us the peace Jesus left us as His parting gift -- His own peace, the peace He had on earth when He slept during the storm and faced soldiers in Gethsemane after sweating blood.  Join Cinthia to look at what it means to open the gift and live it out.

Do you ever feel so hurried or pressured that you respond too quickly, maybe at the expense of choosing the best response for the situation?  Our lives today can be so busy, so chaotic and pressured, that our relationships start to suffer from quick responses and adrenaline-soaked conversations.  Today, Cinthia explores "the power of pause" and what it does for our relationships when we learn to stop, ask for a moment, take a breath, check in with our value systems, and gain some clarity on what is actually at stake in the situation (and what isn't).  Take a few moments to soak in this episode, and learn how to get more moments when you need them.

These days, "boundaries" is a word that arises in popular conversation.  Somehow, though, we still don't display better boundaries for all our popular understanding.  Today, Cinthia offers the following guideline for boundaries within relationship: "What I value, I will protect; what you value, I will respect."  She also uses a word we don't often hear in popular culture these days: self-control.  What do boundaries and self-control have to do with one another?  What do they have to do with Jesus's teaching that our "yes" should be "yes" and our "no" should be "no?"  As always, Cinthia presents timeless truth in a way that's probably slightly different than the way you've heard it a thousand times, generating lots of food for thought and inspiring practical steps toward being the person you were meant to be.  Join her for the fourth part of an amazing series!

And now for the specifics...  Having a relationship with Person A is very different from having a relationship with Person B!  Having spent the last two episodes helping us with the basics of making relationships work with fallen human beings in general, today Cinthia tackles what it means to be in relationship with an individual.  Gender, temperament, and personality can hugely impact our relational functioning, but these differences are often ignored or even denied in our culture.  As a result, we are rarely educated to have awareness of how these things impact our communication, let alone actually start to communicate respectfully with people who differ from ourselves in these areas.  Join Cinthia for a quick primer in how gender, temperament, and personality impact our relational functioning and how to improve your relationships with people who may differ from you in these areas.

What does it look like to have appropriate expectations in a relationship between adult human beings?  Last week, Cinthia launched a course on how to enjoy relationships, which are inherently complex, without making them complicated.  Today she continues this exploration, looking in more detail at what it means to have healthy expectations for ourselves and others, but without lapsing into parenting each other or becoming judgmental and petty.  She also discusses the difference between acceptance and agreement when someone messes up, even when the "someone" is you.

Does it ever seem like your education prepared you for everything but life with other humans?  Do you ever wish you could get a really practical course in how to manage human relationships?  Today Cinthia tells us how to let relationships be complex without making them complicated.  She introduces such topics as having appropriate expectations, keeping good boundaries, respecting basic differences in gender, temperament, and personality, and living peacefully in a world that demands our immediate attention all the time.  Today's focus is on appropriate expectations.  If you've heard people say that you should let go of all expectations so you won't be disappointed, Cinthia has another perspective to share, one that could help you make a lot more sense of how to approach relationships.  Join Cinthia to get started!

What is it like to be loved by you?  Our love is not as pure and perfect as God's and is flavored by our personalities, habits, etc.  Do your loved ones know you love them?  Do they enjoy your love?  Cinthia discusses how to offer love that feels like love to your loved ones.  This includes some discussion of how forgiveness relates to the restoration of trust, how to accept forgiveness without continuing to focus the relationship on making yourself feel better, and learning how another person likes to be loved instead of offering only what you would like to be offered.  Join Cinthia to consider how your love might be coming across to others and how to make your love that much sweeter to your loved ones.

The past is powerful.  If we use it for self-abuse, it can deprive us of so much that God wants for us in the present and the future.  Cinthia explains that God does not give us the ability to remember our pasts so that we can self-flagellate, but so that we can learn and repair.  God gave us time for a reason.  If remembering your past still feels like waking up only to find the nightmare was real, join Cinthia to explore how to use your memories in the way God intends.  You can't rewrite history, but you can redo things in the present and create a new future for yourself and, often, for those you failed.  Don't miss this episode.  The present and future are gifts.  Don't let the past steal them.

Are you afraid of the wrong things?  In a world that tells us both to be fearless and to worry about everything, sometimes we shrink back from risks God wants us to take -- while taking risks with things God wants us to value and protect!  Cinthia discusses the difference between confidence and arrogance, what it means to take our cues from God the way a child who trusts a good parent would do, and how to deal with the reality that we will make mistakes.  If fear ever gets in your way, join Cinthia for a look at whether the things you fear really deserve to be limiting your life.

How would it help your loved ones if you took better care of yourself?  Would they worry less?  Find you more patient and pleasant to be around?  Toss their plans for the rescue mission they're planning for the day you finally crash?  For our purposes, "self-care" doesn't mean self-indulgence or treating luxury as necessity; it means taking basic care of yourself, the way you would do for a pet, a child, or any person who cannot perform basic tasks for their own well-being.  It means eating well, exercising, resting, drinking water, managing your own thoughts, etc.  As much play as "self-care" seems to get on the Internet these days, lots of us still struggle with taking care of business, family, ministry, pets, friends, the car, the yard, the house, and a thousand other people and things... but neglecting the basic boundaries and tasks that would maintain the bodies and brains God has entrusted to us.  Join Cinthia for an honest look at whether you are maintaining yourself well enough that relationship with