Dr Karin Love & Life

No one makes it through childhood unscathed—and for some, childhood consists of multiple traumatic events. We carry these wounds with us as we step into adulthood—at which point, we may hope to just survive. But can we actually THRIVE after trauma? Shari Botwin, LCSW, joins me to talk about her book, Thriving After Trauma:  Stories of Living and Healing. Shari discusses her own childhood trauma and the steps she took to move through pain and move toward wholeness and health. We talk specifically about the shame inherent to trauma, how to find an appropriate therapist to assist you in your journey, and ways to feel empowered despite years of feeling disempowered. Shari’s story and wisdom will inspire you to believe in the possibility of thriving after trauma! Shari Botwin, LCSW Website: http://www.sharibotwin.com/ Instagram: @warriorbotwin7 Warrior Women Speak Podcast: https://anchor.fm/shari-botwin  Book: http://www.rowman.com/ISBN/9781538125601/Thriving-After-Trauma-Stories-of-Living-and-Healing&n

Relationships don’t have to be so difficult—they can actually be fluid and even EASY! But they definitely can’t be easy if we pick unhealthy, toxic partners. And all too often, we’re completely unaware as to why we keep attracting—and being attracted to—dysfunctional people in the first place. For years, Anita Stoudmire chose men who were incapable of being the partner she desired. Eventually, she’d had enough disappointment and frustration. Anita began to unpack the dynamics causing her to choose poorly. She joins me to explain how she fixed her “picker” and finally learned to choose well! Anita Stoudmire, MA, LPC Website: http://www.betterlovemovement.com/ Instagram: @betterlovemovement Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

One question I often receive is, “I know ‘core values’ are important in relationships, but to be honest, I’m not sure I actually know what mine are.” In this episode, we discuss the definition of core values and how we can identify the ones that matter most to us. Furthermore, we explore how clarifying our core values not only allows us to better understand ourselves, but also prepares us to recognize our person! We wrap up the episode discussing the psych research surrounding core values and how our values set a foundation for successful, fulfilling relationships! Sources: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201807/39-core-values-and-how-live-them https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/relationship-values-every-couple-must-have/ Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

It’s hard to trust when our heart has been broken multiple times. We get jaded and bitter. We build up a wall of protection. We worry we’ll never be able to trust anyone ever again. This week I answer 3 listeners’ questions. One listener asks exactly this: How can I trust again after being cheated on multiple times and spending 9 years in a toxic relationship? Another listener wonders if she should change her name now that she’s divorced. She’s concerned because she has 3 school aged children and although she’d like to step away from her ex’s name, she’s concerned about how her children might feel should their mom have a different last name. The final question is from a woman wondering how to respond to an ex’s new gf who insists on bad-mouthing her to their mutual friends. Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

One of the themes of Love & Life is Never Settle! But for women who refuse to settle in love, it might take a while to meet our person. Most of us are okay waiting for the right one, but it’s our biological clock that puts the pressure on us. The realities of our fertility can’t be ignored—we can’t procreate forever. But over the last several years, egg freezing has moved from an experimental procedure to one that’s mainstream and quite common. Many of you have reached out asking if I’d cover egg freezing on the podcast. So, when I saw Britt McHenry’s Instagram story about freezing her eggs, I reached out to see if she’d share her egg freezing journey with the Love & Life community. Join us to learn all you need to know about freezing your eggs from one who’s been there, done that and is SO glad she did. Britt McHenry is a Fox News contributor. She was one of the main hosts to launch Fox’s streaming service Fox Nation, specifically designed for Millennials across the country. She’s a political host an

Most of us assumed we’d eventually be mothers. And, many of us deeply desired this—we dreamed about it, we planned for it, we read parenting books preparing ourselves for this most important role. But sometimes, life doesn’t play out as we’d hoped and we end up childless not by choice. Katy Seppi of Chasing Creation joins me to talk about how we can move through this profound loss—the loss of something we never had. Katy discusses the concerns childless women face—the alienation from other women who are mothers, the disenfranchised grief, and how we can reimagine and embrace a life that looks nothing like the life we expected. She also shares details about her upcoming virtual conference—The Childless Collective Summit! Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

I LOVE hearing from you and I know listeners LOVE hearing from each other! So a few months ago, I reached out to you via my newsletter to see if anyone wanted to tell her story. I was so happy Kate Griffith agreed to share the struggles she faced during her single years—but also, and more importantly, why she’s actually glad for her single years and the growth she experienced while navigating life solo! Kate talks about all she did to embrace her single season—how she made reservations for one, saw movies by herself, and even traveled alone. By pushing and challenging herself in these realms, Kate became stronger individually, gained confidence, and learned to be at home with herself—and by herself. We wrap up the conversation focusing on the benefits of adulting on our own—benefits that pay off in spades once we’re in partnership. Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

Brunnie’s childhood was rough. Her family struggled with addiction, abandonment, abuse, poverty, and more. As a result, she created a protective shell around her which left her “emotionally frozen” and withdrawn. In college, she sought out counseling—she knew she needed help. Her therapist empathized with her, validating the adversity she’d endured. Then he said two words that changed her life forever, “Now what?” Through the power of REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy), Brunnie learned she didn’t have to always be sad. She had a choice in the matter! She could take charge of her thoughts to take charge of her life—which she did! Join us to hear how Brunnie moved from a bad childhood to a great life via REBT! Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

In part 2 of my recent Insta live with Laura Behnke, we break down three ridiculous lies single women hear ALL the time! Unfortunately, we heard them, too, and in this episode we share how we pushed back against them! We then answer questions we received from those watching the live: 1. Do we miss anything about being single? 2. How can I tell the difference between a dealbreaker vs. typical ups and downs of relationships? 3. If I haven’t had a legit relationship, should I tell someone I’m just starting to date? 4. How can I fall into my feminine energy? 5. I’m scared of getting hurt—once again! What can I do? 6. I’m a perfectionist. Do I hold my bfs to unreasonable standards? 7. My mother recently passed away and I was her caretaker. I’m not sure what to do with myself now… Laura and I have #beentherefeltthat and we’re here to provide the support we wish we’d had when we were single for much longer than we’d expected. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

Last week I did an Instagram live with Laura Behnke of Life Actually. Laura and I align on so many levels—she also found love later than she’d hoped to and therefore dealt with “single shaming” along the way. Laura’s been there, felt that and learned to embrace her life actually! Join us for a lively conversation discussing: How to increase your self worth (spoiler alert:  science says there’s only ONE way!) Managing the fear of, “What if I never find my person?” How to use “psychological flexibility” to embrace your life actually and live life on YOUR terms! (“psychological flexibility” comes from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy—see episode 65 with Dr. Steven C. Hayes, creator of ACT) How to fall in love with being by yourself. The myth of being “too independent” to find love and why your independence makes you BETTER prepared for partnership! How being with a partner because you WANT each other—as opposed to NEED each other—protects us from infidelity. How to move from operating from

Many of you resonated with our recent conversation on the father wound (ep. 125) and asked if we’d speak to the mother wound, too. So, psychotherapist and pastor Elliott Anderson is back to discuss how mother wounds affect our dating and relationships. Join us to learn: How the mother wound differs from the father wound. Common mother wounds children experience. Enmeshment with mothers and how this impacts our ability to form healthy romantic attachments. Recognizing when we’re “using” a romantic connection to “escape” dynamics from our family of origin. Dating a man with a mother wound. In recognizing our mother wounded, we’re able to bring it to the surface, process it, and move through it—toward emotional relief, intrapersonal wholeness, and relational wellness. Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/love-and-life-media/support

Fear is a powerful force—it permeates all realms of love and life but it seems particularly impactful when it comes to dating. We fear meeting someone new—because we’ve been rejected before. We fear trusting—because our trust has been broken in the past. We fear committing—because commitments never seem to last. At the same time, we fear not dating, trusting, and committing because we fear being alone and worry we’ll be single forever. Psychologist Dr. Stephanie Spielmann’s work examines this specific concern—the fear of being single forever. Join me as I discuss the findings from several Spielmann studies elucidating the influence of fear on our dating lives, but more importantly—what we can do to overcome this fear and date from a place of hope and empowerment! Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com Instagram: @dr.karin --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/love-and-life-media/support

If you’ve ever wondered if you have “daddy issues” or been curious as to how your relationship with your father influences the men you choose and the dynamics you experience in relationships, this episode is for you!  Psychotherapist Elliott Anderson and I take a deep dive into how father wounds show up in our romantic relationships—and most importantly, how we can heal these wounds so as to avoid repeating painful patterns.  Elliott and I discuss: The two main ways father wounds play out with the couples Elliott counsels. How psychotherapy can heal a father wound in unique and profound ways. The importance of forgiving our fathers. The tension between being drawn to someone who’s good for us vs. feeling like we’re settling. Why dating a “fixer upper” never works! Elliott also talks about his new book, Simon Says:  Principles and Perspectives from Dr. Simon V. Anderson.  Simon Says shares the abundant wisdom of our father and the profound and enduring impact he had on his children

You loved episode 92 in which Dr. Welch taught us what it means to date as a “high status” woman. Several of you had follow up questions about this concept, so when Dr. Welch joined me this week on the podcast (ep. 123), I asked her if she’d be willing to stick around and record a bonus episode to address your concerns. She agreed and here we are!  As for the questions: Taryn wants to know how women can present ourselves as “high status” if we don’t fit society’s typical standards of beauty.  Mindy wonders about getting physical—how can we approach this element of dating from a “high status” perspective?  Join us to hear Dr. Welch’s answers to these “high status” hot topics! Dr. Welch Website: http://lovefactually.co/ Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/love-and-life-media/support

Love & Life fan favorite, Dr. Duana Welch is back!  In this episode, Dr. Welch shares the psych research on breaking up and moving on.  Join us as we discuss how to: Choose healing and peace even after the most devastating breakup. Guarantee you’ll never get emotionally abused. Convey your needs in relationships—even early on! Recognize our attachment style and work with it as we heal. Manage the clichés you’ll hear about heartbreak recovery and getting back “out there.” Figure out if you’re “too picky.” Stop worrying about being alone forever. Dr. Welch merges relationship  science with her personal journey of dating, marriage, and divorce. Join us to learn how to “love factually!” Dr. Welch Website: http://lovefactually.co/  Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/  Instagram: @dr.karin --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/love-and-life-media/support

“More than one in four women take medication to treat a mental health condition” (Medco Health Solutions). Are 25% of us actually clinically depressed and anxious? Or, might diagnostic inflation be at work? Psychologist Dr. Steven C. Hayes speaks to this and more in his new book, Beyond the DSM: Toward a Process-Based Alternative for Diagnosis and Mental Health Treatment. Join us for a conversation about: ·        The excessive biomedicalization of the human condition. ·        How a DSM diagnosis may make us more passive and less responsible for our own emotional well-being. ·        The notion of “having” a psychiatric illness vs. assessing the things we “do” and the feelings that show up for us. ·        Debunking the “science” of mental illness. ·        Why genes are NOT deterministic of our emotional and psychological functioning (

I get asked about hope a lot: ·   How can I stay hopeful when the dating scene is so bleak? ·   How can I maintain a hopeful attitude after being ghosted yet again? ·   How can I hold onto hope? All the good ones are taken! Maintaining a happy, hopeful, positive attitude when you’ve been dating for a long time—way longer than you expected or wanted to—isn’t easy at all. I’ve been there, felt that. Over my 27 years of dating (from 15 until age 42 when I got married), there were definitely times when I thought it would be so much easier to just give up and resign myself to being single forever. But I never gave up hope.  And, I don’t want you to, either! Research in psychology confirms hope makes a huge difference in our emotional—and even physical!—well-being. Furthermore, hope is within our control! By practicing research-based strategies, we can cultivate and sustain a hopeful attitude despite the disappointments we are bound to experience. Join me to learn the science of h

Ella has a history of dating bad boys, but she’s trying to turn this around!  She listened to episode 63 with Ken Page, LCSW, bought his book, Deeper Dating, and is working on cultivating what Ken calls Attractions of Inspiration, as opposed to Attractions of Deprivation. But when she dates nice guys, she’s just not into them. She tries to give them a chance, but finds she’s bored and uninterested. In this mini Love & Life episode, I discuss how we can determine if we’re bored because we’re addicted to dysfunctional dynamics, or if we just haven’t met the right person yet! Dr. Karin Website: loveandlifemedia.com --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/love-and-life-media/support

Mandy struggles with something so many of us can relate to—the guys she doesn’t care for are into her, while the guys she wants don’t seem to be interested.  In this mini Love & Life episode, I share the science of flirting from Dr. Duana Welch’s book, Love Factually for Single Parents and Those Dating Them. Learn 6 research-based ways to signal your interest in a guy, while remaining, what Dr. Welch calls, “high status.” --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/love-and-life-media/support

In this third mini Love & Life episode, I answer Pam’s question about how to know if a guy is manipulating her. She recently went on a first date with a man who led with smarmy and inappropriately suggestive conversation. When she bristled, he asked her if she wasn’t comfortable with her body. He then went on to say that he’d absolutely need to test drive the car before buying. Join us as I discuss my thoughts on how she responded and on such talk in general. Spoiler alert: if you think you’re being manipulated, you probably are. Dr. Karin Website: loveandlifemedia.com --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/love-and-life-media/support