Conversations With Cinthia

Humans crave forgiveness the way we crave air, but giving and receiving forgiveness can seem impossible, dangerous, even wrong.  Sometimes we misunderstand what forgiveness is and think we need unforgiveness as a protective boundary.  Today Cinthia discusses what forgiveness and unforgiveness are, how they impact us, how God sees them, and how she, in her own life, moved from telling God she would never forgive the person who most deeply harmed her to asking God for His mercy to be able to forgive.  Sometimes forgiveness is a journey, and you may not walk the whole road today.  But this episode might just be a tool to help you take a step toward the One Who forgives you, the One Who wants to heal you, the One Who has most often been down the forgiveness road and can lead you there, as well.  Join us for this episode and for the rest of the series this week.

Part of "the art of adulting" (as Cinthia says today) is having your own value system and living by it instead of changing your values depending on who is nearby or what is happening.  Value systems, however, can get way out of order, and Cinthia talks today about what it means to get our value systems in check.  She discusses personal, spiritual, family, and career values, and she examines what it looks like to honor these values appropriately.  For example, how is loving and caring for our families different from doing everything our family members want us to do?  What do values look like in the office?  What traits should be part of our character, and what would that look like?  A value system is the foundation for all your other decisions.  Join Cinthia to look at how to build one or order the one you have.

Nobody had a perfect childhood, and too many people go into the world hoping it will give them what they needed but didn't get from their parents.  Unfortunately, the world isn't really set up for that.  The good news is that God gives us ourselves as "parents" in our adult lives, and, while we can't go back to childhood and have others meet our needs, we can learn to meet our own needs and have healthy relationships with others now.  If you ever have a sense of insatiable need and find yourself taking that to the world, other people, substances, habits, etc., there is another option.  You can become a safe adult, a parent, for the child inside you.  You can learn from the past and move forward into the future.  You can develop your own value system and bring it with you into every situation.  Join Cinthia to learn more about becoming the parent you've always needed.  

Do you ever wonder why you're here or even feel disconnected from yourself?  These things can happen at different levels, but everybody wants to have a sense of purpose in life.  In church, we often talk about this as finding or discerning a calling.  We can get bogged down in figuring out what ministry or career we are supposed to engage or where we should live, etc.  Cinthia explains, however, that finding the calling on your life is not primarily about figuring out what to do; it's about learning to be who you are supposed to be.  The big question is not what you are supposed to do with your life, but who you are and how you do whatever it is that you do.  God supplies the "what" and takes over the itinerary.  So how do we learn who to be and how to steward the selves that God has given us?  We start by learning to take responsibility for ourselves physically, psychologically/ emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, and socially.  This helps us reconnect with the people God made us to be.  Learning to be

Things that hurt an adult can devastate a child, and children need adults to put them back together (though we know they don't always get that help).  When our bodies and lifestyles have matured past childhood but left our emotions behind, we adults can function in much the same way -- being harmed by things that should only hurt, needing others to repair and manage them, etc.  Cinthia continues this series on becoming all that we were meant to be by helping us look at approaching hurt as emotional adults instead of grown-up-bodied children.  She explains the differences among being dependent, independent, and interdependent, and explains how this impacts the level of devastation we experience when other people make decisions that hurt us.  Life hurts sometimes, but you don't have to keep experiencing it as a helpless child.  Join Cinthia to keep learning, growing, and growing up.

You don't have to have had a perfect childhood to become an emotionally healthy adult, but sometimes it takes more work than we expected. None of us had perfect childhoods; for one thing, we were all reared by human beings.  Sometimes we think we matured because our bodies became adult bodies.  Maybe we lost our innocence or "grew up too fast" or became jaded, and we assumed that meant we had at least achieved emotional adulthood.  But the fact is that these things don't really produce emotional maturity.  Too many of us walk around in adult bodies doing adult tasks and functioning without the good parts of childhood, such as childlike faith, but with actual emotional functioning that would be more appropriate to children.  Join us as Cinthia explains what it truly means to be an emotional adult and continues a two-week series on how to become more of what you were meant to be.  

How negative is your internal world?  How do you think toward yourself and others?  This week, Cinthia has been discussing the idea that the way we treat ourselves tends to eventually work its way outward and influence the way we treat others.  Today Cinthia explains that love does no harm, but it does sometimes cause pain and discomfort for the good of the loved one. Loving ourselves can mean setting limits with ourselves and learning to take responsibility for ourselves.  We may need to require more positive behaviors and thoughts from ourselves, and we can't expect harshness to accomplish that.  Instead, Cinthia describes techniques we can use to begin managing our own thoughts more effectively.  If you need some practical advice on how to begin dealing with the negativity inside.  "Your brain works for you," says Cinthia.  "You don't work for your brain."  Join her to learn how to require more of yourself, including internal kindness toward yourself and others.

Would you ever talk to someone else the way you talk to yourself, or would you shudder at the thought of being so mean?  What would it be like to see someone treat another person the way you treat yourself?  Sometimes we minimize the seriousness of how we talk to ourselves.  Cinthia explains that, if the enemy can get you to abuse yourself, he can sit back and let you do his job for him.  Additionally, what's happening inside our heads usually works its way into our actions and our words.  We may never intend to be as critical of others as we are of ourselves, but a critical attitude can spread to parts of our lives we thought were off-limits.  Do the words you say to yourself in your own head reflect the ways Jesus talks to you?  If God lives inside you, what kind of dialogue does He have to hear in your head?  Cinthia encourages us to run interventions on ourselves and learn to apply the fruits of the Spirit internally just as we learn to apply them with each other.  

Encouraging a kinder, gentler world can seem abstract and may even seem impossible; for some people, the very thought sounds annoyingly touchy-feely.  But each of us is responsible for our own treatment of others, and the language we use inside our own heads tends to impact the actions by which we impact the world.  Today Cinthia begins a week-long series by looking at the role of our thoughts toward each other and toward ourselves.  She asserts that the level of kindness and gentleness in our own internal worlds works itself into our behavior toward others, as well as impacting the relationship we have with the God Who lives inside believers.  There's a good dose of brain science in this episode, as well as a discussion of the difference between relating to others and having true intimacy.  If you have trouble at times dealing with other people, you may need to start with how you deal with yourself.  Join Cinthia to look at how to begin at the beginning: with the words you use in your own brain.

Today's interview with Tim Cameron follows yesterday's, which focused on Tim's best-selling book The 40 Day Word Fast.  Tim described the way he learned how powerfully the words we use impact us and how God could use the practice of fasting certain ways of talking to change us from the inside out.  (If you missed it, definitely check out the podcast for Part One!)  Today Tim focuses more specifically on judgement and the way these impact us when we use them.  He discusses the difference between observing "fruit" in order to have information to make decisions and actually judging people.  Cinthia and Tim also discuss self-judgment and the ways we talk to ourselves.

Today Cinthia welcomes Tim Cameron for the first part of a two-day interview about his best-selling book  The 40 Day Word Fast: A Spiritual Journey to Eliminate Toxic Words From Your Life.  They discuss the ways that our speech tends to impact our values and functioning, just as it reveals what is already in our hearts.  Tim describes his own realization during a very difficult time that negativity, sarcasm, complaint, criticism, and other toxic speech had become regular parts of his life and his heart; he  realized that these were revealing things in his heart and reinforcing toxicity in his mind.  Tim came to believe God was calling him to "fast" certain words just as someone might fast from food.  As he did this, he experienced profound impact and went on to examine how practices like complaining can destroy us, while replacing these with gratefulness can build us in ways we never imagined.  Cinthia discusses the way the concepts Tim outlines in his book relate to her work as a therapist helping people hea

What are you saying?  We know it's more than just the words you choose; it includes tone, body language, facial expression, etc.  Still, words are important.  They build, and they tear down.  They matter.  Did you know that words even affect the brain of the one using the words?  Even the words on which we dwell affect our brains -- even if we don't say them!  Our history (e.g. having experienced trauma or negative input from others) can affect the way we communicate, both how we give and receive.  The good news is that we can learn to improve our communication, both the giving and the receipt of it.  We can change the words we use to think and express, and we can change our automatic perceptions and reactions in the face of others' communications.  Today Cinthia explains that we can learn to mean what we say and say what we mean instead of inappropriately protecting ourselves and others from the truth, and to do all this in love rather than justifying our brutal communication as "just being honest."  Today C

Part of "the art of adulting" (as Cinthia says today) is having your own value system and living by it instead of changing your values depending on who is nearby or what is happening.  Value systems, however, can get way out of order, and Cinthia talks today about what it means to get our value systems in check.  She discusses personal, spiritual, family, and career values, and she examines what it looks like to honor these values appropriately.  For example, how is loving and caring for our families different from doing everything our family members want us to do?  What do values look like in the office?  What traits should be part of our character, and what would that look like?  A value system is the foundation for all your other decisions.  Join Cinthia to look at how to build one or order the one you have.

Nobody had a perfect childhood, and too many people go into the world hoping it will give them what they needed but didn't get from their parents.  Unfortunately, the world isn't really set up for that.  The good news is that God gives us ourselves as "parents" in our adult lives, and, while we can't go back to childhood and have others meet our needs, we can learn to meet our own needs and have healthy relationships with others now.  If you ever have a sense of insatiable need and find yourself taking that to the world, other people, substances, habits, etc., there is another option.  You can become a safe adult, a parent, for the child inside you.  You can learn from the past and move forward into the future.  You can develop your own value system and bring it with you into every situation.  Join Cinthia to learn more about becoming the parent you've always needed.  

Do you ever wonder why you're here or even feel disconnected from yourself?  These things can happen at different levels, but everybody wants to have a sense of purpose in life.  In church, we often talk about this as finding or discerning a calling.  We can get bogged down in figuring out what ministry or career we are supposed to engage or where we should live, etc.  Cinthia explains, however, that finding the calling on your life is not primarily about figuring out what to do; it's about learning to be who you are supposed to be.  The big question is not what you are supposed to do with your life, but who you are and how you do whatever it is that you do.  God supplies the "what" and takes over the itinerary.  So how do we learn who to be and how to steward the selves that God has given us?  We start by learning to take responsibility for ourselves physically, psychologically/ emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, and socially.  This helps us reconnect with the people God made us to be.  Learning to be

Things that hurt an adult can devastate a child, and children need adults to put them back together (though we know they don't always get that help).  When our bodies and lifestyles have matured past childhood but left our emotions behind, we adults can function in much the same way -- being harmed by things that should only hurt, needing others to repair and manage them, etc.  Cinthia continues this series on becoming all that we were meant to be by helping us look at approaching hurt as emotional adults instead of grown-up-bodied children.  She explains the differences among being dependent, independent, and interdependent, and explains how this impacts the level of devastation we experience when other people make decisions that hurt us.  Life hurts sometimes, but you don't have to keep experiencing it as a helpless child.  Join Cinthia to keep learning, growing, and growing up.

You don't have to have had a perfect childhood to become an emotionally healthy adult, but sometimes it takes more work than we expected. None of us had perfect childhoods; for one thing, we were all reared by human beings.  Sometimes we think we matured because our bodies became adult bodies.  Maybe we lost our innocence or "grew up too fast" or became jaded, and we assumed that meant we had at least achieved emotional adulthood.  But the fact is that these things don't really produce emotional maturity.  Too many of us walk around in adult bodies doing adult tasks and functioning without the good parts of childhood, such as childlike faith, but with actual emotional functioning that would be more appropriate to children.  Join us as Cinthia explains what it truly means to be an emotional adult and continues a two-week series on how to become more of what you were meant to be.  

Do you ever find yourself thinking that other people don't hurt the way you do?  That some people have lives that just work while yours often doesn't?  Pain is inevitable, and managing it well is imperative if we are going to live as the best versions of ourselves.  Join Cinthia to explore what it means to accept that pain is part of life and that there are ways to deal with it as the best versions of ourselves.