Movie Night

Pow! Right in the kisser! Requiem for a Heavyweight gives us a first-person perspective of what it's like to be punched in the face by Cassius Clay (Muhammad Ali.) Ouch. But that's not as bad as sitting beneath a giant swing-arm desk lamp, sweating for a podcast recording. Take a good look in the mirror and then say goodbye to what you see.

Everything went south after 16 minutes and 35 seconds, but why deprive you of Akira because of our technical gaffe? Amoebas don't make motorcycles and atomic bombs!

We breeze through the plot of 1994's Blown Away. A movie about big name actors and wind. Not wind, bombs. Hi, Frank. Would you go on a first date at a chain restaurant? Does television ubiquity stress you out? Bye, Frank. Two mustards, please.

Once more, a sequel. A sequel again! The Exoricst III. Or The Exorcist 3. We don't fear hell. Christian names. Turlet. Fractured sentences. It's the smiles that keep us going. The bits of giggles and good cheer.

Was that a horse? Drumroll please...that WAS a horse. Whiplash is about jazz, obviously. Did I say jazz? I meant jerks. Raised voices, some strong-ish opinions and a mysterious knock at the door. Good job. What are you... there's no fucking Mars Bar down there, what are you looking at?

Toilet talk. Both kinds. And a slow-paced, shuffle-y discussion of Robert Altman's slow-paced, shuffle-y film The Long Goodbye. We dedicate more time to the movie than usual. Whether that's (number one) good or (number two) bad is up to you, the listener. You're gonna take that goddamn J.C. Penney tie off and we're gonna have an old fashioned man-to-man drinking party.

Sidney and Paul (Poitier and Newman) return! Paris Blues is about jazz, obviously. While certain beloved members of the M’Night Crew are missing, the mood somehow remains positive. Having trouble making new friends? You should probably nap more. This episode was not sponsored by, and will never be heard by, the city of Atlanta. Well, a vacation certainly goes awfully fast, doesn't it, when you're having a good time.

We attempt to honor the late Leonard Nimoy with his first staring role, Kid Monk Baroni. A pleasant enough movie about a street tough turned disfigured(?) boxer. Punching technique is questioned. As well as Spock’s sitar prowess (turns out, he had none, although he was quite a lutist). If a hard open on popped knuckles sounds off-putting, unsubscribe now. Sometimes in anger one forgets the Lord but never the knack of throwing a left jab.

Mission accomplished! We hit five score with a very special outing to our local multiplex to watch our first Movie Night documentary, Finding Vivian Maier. Since it's late February in Illinois, we nearly freeze to death in the worst way possible – in an oversized van in a snowy parking lot, bellies full of salty popcorn, trying to make art for you people.

Greetings, Starfighter! You are watching The Last Starfighter, a movie you last saw in 1984 while wearing very short shorts. Did you know that there's a connection with The Music Man? You don't care? Then let's talk about the elephant in the room – the 100th episode of Movie Night. We're going out to the cinema and there is much planning to do. So let's talk bananas instead. One member of our group abhors them (bananas!) while another eats three a day (also bananas!) This, is my Wife-oid, and six thousand little grig-lets.

We finally pick a sequel without watching the original movie! F/X 2 gives us men in breast prosthetics, robot clowns and hot dogs in tennis ball cannons. Yes, you guessed right – it's great 1990s fun. After a brief digression about clown songs, we turn our full attention to the demise of the mall. Did you know that you can't get hot nuts just any time of year? Rollie you dumb bastard, the mob wasn't stealing them; they were returning them to the Vatican.

No animals were harmed in the making of this podcast. How this relates to Her is difficult to understand, but every episode must have a beginning. This film unearths surprising annoyance among some in our group. Too twee? Maybe. Too shallow? Perhaps. We finally debate gifts from previous romantic partners while a certain noisy stomach ruins the mood. You're dating an OS? What is that like?

We join the bad boys of Japan in Kurahara's The Warped Ones. And girl – who spends many, many minutes using her grating laugh as an effective weapon. But we enjoy the cinematography, which is decades more modern than this film's 1960's origin. Imagine a window open at night. There's a horrible scream. What do you do? Only guys who can't appreciate jazz get into fights.

“I don’t feel like talking.” Yes, it’s the perfect intro for our podcast. We all seem to agree that Spike Lee laid an egg with Da Sweet Blood of Jesus. It's a sucky vampire movie – get it?! We discuss the finer points of bleeding. Our quieter member casually mentions that she’s watched movies at 1.5x speed, which is truly bananas. Someday we’ll rise up against our soft drink overlords, but not yet. Good luck at the robotic soda fountain, listener! It's a lovely day.

Who’s ready to pound a ‘nog? The holidays may be over, but the spirit never dies. We blast Joan Baez and keep our gaze locked on the crazy eyes of Bruce Dern in Silent Running. Sing along with us: Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up, yum. A big hello to the sheriff, who is probably, most certainly (not) a listener. Something about cantaloupes being rolled out of a moving car causes them to explode? You are NOT using those things in my forest.

Ahh! We almost have a medical emergency on our hands within the first 3 seconds. But what a start to the episode! They Live, right? Speaking of living, did anyone else learn to tie a necktie in their high school gym class? Anyone? This seems insane, but the topic of boots comes up AGAIN. Brother, life's a bitch... and she's back in heat.

We welcome a guest on this episode – hello to Matt from Spain! Ready to dogfood this podcast? Starred Up is frankly one of the best prison dramas. The thick across-the-pond accents may tempt you to flip on subtitles, but please resist. What's prison like, anyway? In this case, your private/delicate/beautiful/special parts may be in danger. We bring up a million other movies at random and settle in for a bit of grilling shop talk. Oi!

Woo, Tangerine Dream! Woo, eggnog! These seemingly unrelated items have one thing in common – passionate haters. But back to the first – Thief was, as one reviewer aptly put, a Mannsterpiece. Basically, it's Drive but THREE DECADES EARLIER. Have you ever skipped class to go to the movies? Doesn't matter, because we are soon paneling on grilling and uttering dirty words like "padiddle." If I wanna meet people, I'll go to a fuckin' country club.

A man is accused of child molestation and here we are having fun. The Hunt is excellent moviemaking, though, so don't let the seriousness scare you away. A tangent is introduced (shooting guns and throwing knives) and we return to the stress of our upcoming 100th episode. Tales from Omaha are probably not good podcast fodder. The world is full of evil but if we hold on to each other, it goes away.

Boot talk to kick us off. Some of us aren't used to these ankle shackles. We welcome Elaine May back to Movie Night with The Heartbreak Kid. But that's not the only item on the menu – a film about a miniature man inside another man's body is accidentally discussed. Basically, we set a new precedent by only discussing movies and not our usual assortment of nonsense. There's no insincerity in those potatoes. There's no deceit in the cauliflower.