The Tom Barnard Show

If you ever order something, keep an eye on that tracking information. You never know when it might enter a portal into purgatory. At that point, you should probably call someone. You should also call someone if you find a Yorkie that's been on the lam for five years. What you shouldn't do is micromanage your LDL. Live healthy and stop worrying so much. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It was the year 2012. "Tesla" meant some weirdo who did crazy stuff with electricity. Wait, that's still what it means. It also meant people on social media almost killed themselves for clicks. Oh, that's still happening too. Okay, I guess basically nothing has changed. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

All this celebrity death has gotten us thinking: when's the last time you went to the doctor? For Bob, there was no more putting it off, which is why he joined us a solid 20 minutes into his appointment time. But it's okay, because doctors are never on time. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode features an early guest appearance by Costaki. Can you guess what we talked about? Yes, it's about how Minnesota teams are bad. But you know what isn't bad? Fixing cleft palates. They're still at it, so why not go donate to them? Henry Dittman is still at it too, recently reprising his role as Kabuto Yakushi in Naruto, a role he was old hat at back when this episode first aired. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Before he was a government official, Frank was a talk show host. We take that to mean Donald Trump will be appointing us to an important position any moment now. In order to help the process along, we'll utilize the power of prayer, much like Magic Johnson did. I wonder if PRAIDS ever managed to make its way into Myq's act? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Did you know that Pat Boone did a song about Speedy Gonzales? We thought about it because Sofia's last name is also Gonzales. We are unaware of any popular cartoon characters named Mustillo, so that didn't come up. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Did you know that in 2012, New Jersey had the most billionaires per capita? That may no longer be true; things change. And speaking of things changing, maybe don't Google what Jim's been up to since he was on our show. Feel free to look up DDP though, because while he's no longer in the ring, his yoga program hasn't gone anywhere. Like, in a good way. It hasn't left. You know what I mean. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode marks the first time Costaki was a regular on our show, which is pretty cool. Less cool is infiltrating drug rings and pretending to be one of them, knowing that a single slip-up could mean a brutal death. Unless you're into that sort of thing, I guess. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Every so often, a movie that's so weird it defies explanation comes out. Death of a Unicorn is one such movie. Whether the Minecraft movies turns out the same way remains to be seen. Mike Lindell is less concerned with weird movies and more concerned with the deep state, which sounds like something from a movie but sadly, it is not. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you want to watch Minnesota sports, prepare to jump through some hoops. You can watch them some places out of state, some places in state, and none of them are cheap. Also every team has their own special place, all with a different monthly fee of course. Now if you want to watch the same Disney movies over and over, you're in luck. Pick a movie, wait a week, and they'll remake it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Have you ever wanted to suddenly become very tall, like in the hit film Like Mike? Well before you rub that magic lamp, think twice. Sure, you might get a deal with the NBA, but getting into small cars already sucks. Do you really want to be even more uncomfortable on road trips? Plus if it's a Tesla someone's going to throw a molotov at you, and if you're very tall you might get hit right in the face. Talk about a bad day. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you think about it, shooting a sex scene is weird. If you actually get into it, then that's wrong, because it's supposed to be pretend. But you have to seem like you're into it, and you have to be convincing enough to fool an audience. But you can't be too convincing, because then people might think you're a pervert. That's why instead of the wide world of intimacy coordination, Cassie chose to get into something simpler, like analyzing cases where ghosts produced evidence in their own murder trials. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Those Libertarians have some pretty wacky ideas. Drug store heroin. Personal nukes. Smaller government. Okay, some of their ideas are pretty good. That's all Mary was saying. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you've listened to our show for any length of time, you've heard us talk about Acme. It's a mysterious place. Or at least it was, until Patrick wrote a book about it called Home Club. Learn everything you ever wanted to know about Acme, then go break and arrow on your neck. If Mike Bryant can do it, so can you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A new record has been broken after over 80 years: the longest Oscars acceptance speech ever. He wasn't exactly polite about it either. Nor was Walz polite about apparently being too scary for Republicans to handle. I guess that's part of what makes him so intimidating. That and his skills at auto repair. Very scary stuff. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In a stunning upset, Costaki made a surprise appearance on the show today to talk about how much money sports teams are worth. It's quite a bit, if you weren't aware. Even the least valuable ones are still nearing the billion dollar mark. The only other easy way to make that much money is to defraud the Minnesota government, and even then you might end up facing consequences eventually. Maybe. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Swatting continues to be the topic of the month, and we happen to have a regular who got sent out on a couple of them. Hear the story from the other side. He's almost as unhappy about it as the victims are. And both are almost as unhappy about being swatted as they are being beholden to Minnesota sports. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What was the first good scripted TV show? The answer just might be I Love Lucy. That was 74 years ago, which is a very long time for those of you keeping track. 3/4ths of a century of television out to keep you occupied for a couple lifetimes. And speaking of a century, the Twins are coming up on 125 years, only a couple of them which were actually good. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Swatting is all the rage these days. If you haven't heard of it, it's basically tricking the cops into maybe shooting someone. Fun, right? If that sounds a little intense to you, why not try a cruise instead? It takes something like seven years to sail the seas out to Hawaii, so you'll have plenty of time to relax. Plus the SWAT teams can't reach you in international waters. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

They say art is subjective. That's wrong. Sometimes, art is simply bad. The new MLB hats are a great example of that. They're ugly, they make no sense, and surprisingly frequently, they're profane. That's why you should buy one of our hats instead. No profanity to be found. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices