Where's The Lemonade?

 Are we saying the wrong things to our kids about the divorce??? Probably!! We think we are saying good healthy things to help our kids thru the divorce, but are we? I know we are just human and we are trying our best. But it is hard, we are stressed, emotional and have never been thru this before, so we are struggling to say the right things and hope that we are. We want to have our kids get thru this devastating life changing with as little trauma as possible.  Our research department found information from psychologists on what are some phrases we are saying to our kids that we need to stop! I guarantee that we have and maybe still are saying some of these. Lets dig in: “Your dad” or “Your mom” – that tiny addition of the word “your” creates otherness in the family. If you are now saying “your” the child is now hearing a separateness in who they are connecting with. Divorce does create changes in the family dynamic, but honoring how the child sees the parent can help keep a sense of cohesion.   Nix the “yo

The first year of blending families can be pretty tricky and downright horrible. In this episode, we talk about the challenges of throwing two families together and how we dealt with the obstacles we ran into.Listen to this EpisodeLove does not conquer all.For those of you that think everything has been rosy. It has not.This has brought up some tension and memories of the hard times. Sacramento Airport.We were naive enough that we thought love would be able to handle all of the problems we faced. That helped but was not enough.Everything was hard.Meshing kids. We had two 16-year-olds that were completely different from different kinds of friends. One very social and another not very social at all. You cannot force them to be friends; they don’t want to be. Now they are excellent friends.Meshing rules. Is there a double standard for some of the kids? Or is everything the same?Meshing discipline. Understanding boundaries with stepkids was rigid. Older kids and younger kids.Expectations for a clean house.  Darre

The week after Christmas was boring…. saying.At the beginning of a marriage, everything feels new and exciting. You've got romantic date nights planned for weeks, and what may become future annoyances are just endearing little quirks that make you love your spouse even more. But unfortunately, that honeymoon stage won't last forever. Eventually, things are going to simmer down, and you might even find yourself feeling, well, bored. You can start feeling that marriage is more like a routine than a relationship.Fighting the MonotonyLuckily, that feeling doesn't mean your marriage is doomed. All it means is that you might need to devote more time and energy to making things exciting again. Let's talk about what might be adding to the monotony of your marriage:You don’t surprise each other.It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant, but finding ways to surprise your spouse, whether a gift or a thoughtful act, can keep your marriage fresh. “What do you and your partner need to feel loved?” Make sure your surprises

Darren and Paige have been thinking a lot about 2023. There is so much uncertainty in the future right now. Darren has had a lot of luck with his work and will continue this year. They have had friends lose their jobs, friends waiting to see if they will lose their jobs, companies changing their compensation packages, the economy is slow simmering into a recession…a lot of uncertainty.This brings a lot of anxiety and worry. The article referenced for this podcast says anxiety is our organic coping mechanism for lack of control and information. But at a certain point, anxiety about something we will never be able to control is unhelpful and even harmful. So What Can We Do???Techniques for Coping with Uncertainty:Identify and tune out unproductive worrying"Productive worries tend to lead to actions that give us more control of our environment, whereas unproductive worries make us feel even more anxious and uncertain (thus leading to a vicious cycle)," Aldao explains.With this in mind, try to differentiate how m

We’re Back!!! It has been a while since we have done a podcast, but we are getting back into the swing of things for 2023.  It was a busy year! 4 of our kids got engaged in 2022!!! So fortunate to have all these new in-laws join our family.  Let's take a look at all the things that happened this year!! January – Darren and Paige went to Palm Springs for a short getaway. Super fun! February – Girls' trip with Ilene and Jill in Sedona and then a quick trip to Utah for Zoey’s birthday before Paige’s surgery!  March – Quick trip to So Cal to see my mom, sister, Dallin and Alex while Darren had work meetings.  April – Saw Journey and Toto! So fun!! Then off to Idaho for Andie and Jacobs's graduation, we were supposed to head to Brazil, but Darren got COVID. So instead, we stayed home; Paige got Covid too and went to Bodega Bay. Mid-April went to Utah for Julianne’s graduation.  June – Portugal, baby!!! And another trip to Utah for Mitchell’s first birthday. July – We had lots of summer visitors, which we love!! Au

Most marriage difficulties center around one fact, that men and women are totally different. There are emotional, mental and physical differences. We can have happier marriages if we make an effort to understand the differences.We are definitely stereotyping and generalizing, so deal with it. Women tend to be more personal than men.Women typically have a deeper interest in people and feelings, in building relationships. Men tend to be interested in logical deduction. Men tend to be more challenge-and -conquer oriented, typically why they like sports.Why would a woman be less interested in a boxing match? It’s because close, loving relationships are usually not developed in the ring! Also, watch what happens during many family vacations. He is challenged by the goal of driving 400 miles a day. On the other hand, she wants to stop now and then to have a snack, relax and relate. He thinks that’s a waste of time because it would interfere with his goal.Men tend to be less desirous in building intimate relationshi

Ok, so here we are again in the summertime!! It is a beautiful time of year. Kids are home, enjoying a nice break from school. It's time for them to relax and chill. But what happens when their chillin involves hours and hours of screen time each day? How much is too much? Do we as parents ban screen time completely? Or limit it? Do we keep them super busy with other things? Let's dive in and see what we can figure out.Consider how you manage your families technology:Every family is different. Your schedules are different. Consider:What works well and what is currently working?Model the technology restrictions you expect from your kids.Screen time limits, will you limit by the day or by the week? Will they have things they have to do before they get on?  Setting priorities for the day, instead of monitoring minutes, could be the secret to summer happiness, thanks to less time spent nagging, pulling your hair out, and feeling guilty.Each kid is different. Some of your teenagers may have a job, sports, or camps

Darren & Paige are in Portugal for a week away from work and kids, but not podcasting. In this week's episode. Find out what they learned not to do when they travel. Some of it from personal experience. Some of it by watching other tourists standing out. :)Second Half of PortugalSintra and Cascais- Wear great walking shoes. Dress in layers. Rain, no rain, rain, hot, rain. Lots of hills to climb on cobblestone streets and sidewalks.Lisbon on a Sunny Saturday. Incredible city. Very crowded. Everyone in Portugal was there when we were there. Must see the Monastery of Jeronimo, eat at Pastéis de Belém, Pastels de Nata (egg tarts), and walk along the Tagus River to the Tower of Belem. Walk the Rua Augusto near the Praca do Commercial. Too much to see in one day.Beach cities - Peniche, Nazare, and Praia Del ReyThe hunt for a porcelain platter Church on Sunday/ A family moved to Portugal from the states 5 years ago. Great to hear their story.Lisbon Temple on SaturdayDon'ts When You TravelDon't order the food the

This week Darren & Paige are in Portugal. Why Portugal? You have to listen to find out. They talk about some of the travel tips they have learned over the last eleven years of traveling together, including what not to pack and how to tip your waiter.Why Portugal?Resort in Praia Del-ReiPortoCoimbraTravel tips It might be cheaper to travel from a different airport. SFO was about half as much as flying out of SMF for use.It might be cheaper to rent a car one way than to pay for parking. Check it out before you rule it out.Stay in some place central where you can make day trips into the different cities. We have done this on multiple occasions.Plan out an itinerary but be flexible. We had a rough ideaBefore you flyGet snacks for the flightTry and switch to a better seat. Unless you are my flight.Have a battery backup or charger for your devicesDownload shows to watch before getting to the airport. Bring a blanket or sweater. Airplane temperatures are hot and cold depending on who has control of the thermostat

Darren and Paige decided to tackle, "should you blend these two families?" It can be a colossal mistake to blend families too quickly. (says the couple who combined very quickly) There are some essential things to know before agreeing. (Do you like camping, do you want a dog, or do you want more kids??) The need for companionship can drive you too quickly. Let's talk some sobering statistics. In the U.S. 50% of first time marriages, 67% of second marriages and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. Ouch! Those are not good numbers. Obviously you can beat the odds if you know what you are getting into and are committed. Of course our research dept found an article listing 5 wise considerations before blending families. Paige and Darren might not have headed all these, lol, or any of them. Let's see:1. Unload your own baggage. Grieve the loss of your marriage. Give your children attention. Give yourself and your children time to heal. Get back on your feet emotionally, financially and into new routines. Try to

Is there a magic secret to a happy marriage? If we are told to do A, B, and C to make our marriage work would we do it? Do we do it? Or is it different for every single couple? Darren and Paige were curious about the tips that couples would give on how to keep a lasting marriage happy. They asked a lot of their friends and family that have been married for decades to see if there was some advice or if it is entirely different for each couple. Maybe a sense of humor isn't that important to a more severe couple but essential to another. ADVICE!!!!Lets see what our friends and family had to say about what makes a lasting marriage?Focus on your partner's strengths and try to ignore their weaknesses.Treat your partner the way that you would like to be treated.She's almost always right, so just accept it and move on.Keep your promises.Don't take each other for granted. Remember you chose each other. Try to always remember the qualities you love about them.Be fully committed. Try not to be selfish.Don't compare your

Darren and Paige had a different podcast subject planned for today. However, after Mother's Day came around, we saw a lot of feelings around this day and thought we would do another episode on this topic. This day is hard for many; how can we make it better????Mother's Day is supposed to be an amazing day!!! Right?So here is another Mother's Day in the books. How was it for all of you? Were your expectations met? Managed? Complete disappointment? This is already sometimes a difficult day for women for a multitude of reasons, but mostly because of unmet expectations. I'm sure some very nice person came up with Mother's Day thinking what a nice thing, to have a whole day to make moms feel special...they had no idea what they were creating. Women can build up this day as a kind of reward for the other 364. When this day arrives and it is not the blissful fantasy we have in our minds, it falls short and reality hits. Now add in the complication of a blended family and oh boy, tricky.What can we do to help the day

This week, Darren and Paige discuss tips and tricks to help with a problematic co-parenting situation. This is hard stuff!! You are divorced for a reason, and now you still have to make many decisions together around the children. Let's dive in!It's not always rosy after a divorce. In fact it rarely is...So you've made the decision to divorce. Sad. Now you have to co-parent with the person that you decided, for whatever reasons, to not be with anymore. Now parenting will be easy with your spouse/significant other gone, right? Oh, heck no. It is SOOOO much harder, especially in the beginning. Those little things you disliked about your spouse are now huge. And sometimes you just want to stick it to the other, just for kicks. But that is not what is best for the kiddos involved. Not at all. But how do we continue to parent when we disagree, don't get along, and just want the ex to go along with whatever I say because I am right! Here are tips on co-parenting with someone you don't agree with:Set boundaries with

This week Darren and Paige talk about how to maintain perspective when things don't go they way you planned or want. They will talk about the some challenges and disappointment over the past few weeks. How do you maintain perspective??Happy, Sad, Happy Darren and Paige had a lot of big plans for April! Graduation, Brazil, Graduation. Lots of wonderful things.Darren blew it! After over two years of not getting COVID, Darren went to DC for a work trip and came home with the VID. They found out after getting back from the first graduation trip, two days before they were supposed to leave for Brazil. Brazil was cancelled. Paige and Darren were home alone while all the kids were off doing fun stuff. Then Paige got COVID, and depressed.Luckily recovered enough to go to the next graduation. How well do you handle challenges and disappointments? How do we keep perspective?Use these strategies to keep a level head when everything seems to go wrong:Find a way to learn from the challenge....blah, blah blah. But its true

This week Darren & Paige explore selfishness in Marriage with a quiz. Are you selfish in your marriage? Is your marriage about you or about your spouse? Are you selfish??? We are all selfish, right? Especially before marriage. We only have ourselves to think about. What do I want to eat? What do I want to spend my money on? What music or show do I watch?After marriage, those I's have to become we(s)...This might be harder for some than others. You have to now think of someone else and merge your lives with compromises and solutions that work for you.Obvious signs of selfish behavior: It's all about you! Think you are better than your spouse. Controlling. Don't give or share. Will not compromise. Blame your spouse for everything that goes wrong. Forgiving is difficult. Think that your spouse's feelings matter less than yours. Competing.Harmful effects of selfishness: Creates hurt feelings and resentment. Communication issues. Arguing. Prevents you from thinking the best about your spouse. Doesn't build tru

On today's episode Darren & Paige talk about their excursion into watching Korean Dramas. Ok just one K-Daram "Crash Landing On You", but they are considering watching another one.K drama!!!!Darren and I just finished a K drama, Crash Landing on YouPaige was very hesitant, don’t want to read my tvWe had been told by so many people, of all ages and likes, to watch this showWhat is a k drama?Why it was good for our relationship? had to focus only on the show, talked alot about it after.Writing was great - good story, cleanGood clean EntertainmentRefreshing to not have garbage to worry about in the showHowever, they do discuss some serious subjects, suicide. Seems like a normal topic there. Chemistry between the two leads is great. They are actually a couple in real life!Interesting to see how they portray North Korea vs South Korea. A defector from North Korea that has a youtube channel, says that about 60 percent was accurate. It was filmed in Switzerland but took place in North and South Korea.Supporting

Sometimes in our very busy lives we lose that connection and spark and just get set in the doldrums and monotony of just going through the motions of life. Darren and Paige are somewhat there. They have been through a lot in the last 6 months and need to reconnect in a way that Darren isn't Paige's caretaker.So, how do we start the reconnection process:You can start by intentionally spending time together every single day doing something fun.  For example, doing the dishes, cooking, going for long walks, etc.Lets talk about different ways and simple things you can do to reconnect with your spouse emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, physically and of course, sexually.Emotionally Cheer each other on.Observe and appreciate the good qualities of your spouse when it comes to them as a person, a spouse, and as a parent.Accomplish a bucket list goal together.Question: What are three of your happiest memories of our early days together? IntellectuallyTake a class together.Set Goals together. Name three things y

Madeline and Paige were talking the other day about different parenting styles. Some are too lax; they just want to be their kid's friends. Some are too strict, hovering, helicopter parents. Some are too serious; where is the fun? I said to Madeline in that conversation, “You can have it all! You can have fun while also being strict and having rules.” She then said, “You should do a podcast about that, about having a balance.” I think it's actually hard to balance it all equally. You are rarely in perfect balance. The scale is mostly always tipped one way or the other, but keep trying.Letting the kids be silly even during serious times, such as reading scriptures, can be significant and frustrating because they go too far with their silliness.I love to have fun, but there has to be order and rules to have the fun.5 ways to try and find that balance:Always follow through - If you set a consequence for something  they have done, you have to follow thru, even if it is more painful for you!!Help them find a hobby

In this episode, Darren talks to three of his kids about what it is like to have two households as teenagers? What it is like now that they are adults? and What advise they have for other kids that navigate two households?Video: https://youtu.be/MIBHpAjpTYcBlog: What’s HardLogistics and coordination are complexes between two houses.Rules are different. How do you manage that?Food can be very different (Vegan, Paleo, etc..)No SettlingUnderstanding the differences between the houses and parenting stylesLosing things, Clothes, towels, school booksTransitions - Forgetting things, going back and forth.Responsibility at a young age.Being in the middle of the parents.BenefitsTwo Christmas mornings, Two thanksgivings, two birthdays, double the vacationsBonus Parent - Help you navigate your relationship with your bio parent, expand your possibilitiesLearn ResponsibilityTips & TricksMake your step parent an allyUnderstand your parents are trying their best. They are not perfect.Set boundaries with your parents and

How to be happy when my spouse is doing something fun without me????“Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening.” Paige recently went on a girl’s trip. She has been doing it for 18 years. Darren wasn't always excited about it. Why? Darren goes out to dinner with co-workers. Is Paige jealous?How can we be happy for our spouses when they have fun without you in a hobby or with friends?Check out the video: https://youtu.be/uYIxYuuo0S4Learn to trust and communicate with your partner.Mostly insecurities keep us from completely trusting our spouse and being happy that they are so glad.Communicate how you feel and why you are struggling with these insecure feelings. If they think you are spending too much time away from them, come to a compromise.Make friends or get hobbies of your own, that makes you happy.Don’t just sit around feeling sorry for yourself that you aren’t with them. Find your h