W3 Thr33 Tr0lls

Earl Skakel returns to W3 Thr33 Tr0lls! LIFE IS WORTH LIVING AGAIN!

In this week's episode of W3 Thr33 Tr0lls, w3 catch up with Mideast Correspondent Matt Billon! Plus Stupid Pet Trix and a bloodless coup!!!

You’re on your lunch break, scrolling through your phone, killing time before you go back to the grind. You leave a salty comment on a stranger’s selfie, chuckle to yourself and head back to work. Upon entering your cubicle you are informed that you must clean out your desk and leave immediately; you’ve been fired! Someone took offense to your salty facebook comment and contacted your employer. Riding the subway home you wonder what you’re going to tell the missus; turns out it’s not an issue cos you return to an empty home and a note from your wife explaining she got a call from someone on your Facebook and now she’s left you. At least she didn’t take the TV…you turn it on and see your own face staring back at you; the news is doing a special report on what a creepy asshole you are. You switch off the TV, slip in the earbuds, switch on W3 Thr33 Tr0lls and slip the noose around your neck; you kick the chair over just in time to narrowly avoid being lynched by the townsfolk with pitchforks who swarm into your

You’re 33 days clean. No one thought you’d make it this far; by day 3 you were a raging lunatic. Took 3 days just to stop shaking, another 3 days to stop sweating. But now your life is (finally) back on track! You’ve been sleeping a solid 8 hours a night, like a real live normal human being! The nightmares are persistent but tolerable...until tonight. Tonight you saw her in your dream, your ex, the one who drove you to drink & drug in the 1st place...the dream was so vivid you could smell her perfume when you woke up...3 minutes later & your dealer was on the line. Now you play the waiting game...may as well listen to the new episode of W3 Thr33 Tr0lls while you wait for your dealer to arrive so you can fall off the wagon in style!

Brian Moses is a paid regular at The World Famous Comedy Store. Brian Moses is the host of Roast Battle, STILL the hottest show in town. Brian Moses is the patron saint of free speech. Enjoy this podcast while it's still legal to do so.

Los Angeles-based comedian Quincy Weekley is the guest for this very special episode of W3 Thr33 Tr0lls! SOLID.

You haven’t seen your father in 3 years...you’ve always had a strained relationship with the man & now you have nothing at all. You hate that it’s like this. You decide to reach out to your old man, you decide you are going to tell him his son is a homosexual & that’s why you escaped to the big city as soon as you graduated high school. You anticipate a fight but it’s something you have to do. You call your father & he agrees to meet up. You meet up at a diner. Your father looks rough. You tell him you have something very important to tell him. He has something he wants to tell you too! You tell him to go first. Your father informs you he has terminal anal cancer & only a month to live. You bite your tongue; your father will go to the grave never truly having known his son. Someone plays the new episode of W3 Thr33 Tr0lls on the jukebox. You sit in silence, tears racing down your face.

On the East Coast you're the king! You've illegally videotaped and illicitly sold over 3,000 bootleg concert videos...that's right, you're the king of boot-licking rock video bootleggers! This year you've decided to branch out, you've decided to bootleg something besides rock 'n' roll concerts, you start bootlegging comedy shows. You have a hook-up at The World Famous Comedy Store and, for a small fee, he lets you set up your camcorder in the sound booth above the stage. Tonight you're taping W3 thr33 Tr0lls, the hottest ticket in town! You're about to pay off that massive Twinkies debt! Or so you think; little do you know security has been onto you the whole night! They scoop you up and deposit you on the curb. They smash your camcorder and all of your video cassettes. The Tr0lls make the scene, all wearing steel-toed combat boots, and tell you to bite the curb. You do as you are told. You do not recall what happens next.

Every day it’s the same: You punch in, work your balls off, punch out. The only thing that makes it tolerable is W3 Thr33 Tr0lls; without it, where would you be…?

It's 25 years ago today that your father went away...permanently...you were only 2 at the time; your own father is little more than a stranger to you...every year on this day you go look at the ocean...every year on this day you reflect, you wonder why it had to be this way...today feels especially bittersweet: today you are 27, the same age your father was 25 years ago when he brought the shotgun to his face...as you pop the earbuds in you feel tears roll down your face, the face everyone agrees looks just like your old man's...you listen to the latest episode of W3 Thr33 Tr0lls, hoping in vain that the tears will stop flowing...gee, if only W3 Thr33 Tr0lls had existed in 1994, Kurt Cobain might still be alive today and you might still have a father...

Every day it’s the same but not today because today you are going to make a difference!!! You woke up on the right side of the cardboard box this morning! You live in a tent city in the parking lot of a Ralph’s. Fed up with the degeneracy you decide it’s time to turn your life around; you trade your last crackrock for an unopened Amazon package, which you intend to hand deliver to its rightful owner. Today you are no longer a bum, today you will become a citizen of the world! You put the filched Amazon box onto your equally stolen grocery cart & leave the cart in an alleyway while you relieve yourself in someone’s bushes. When you return you find W3 Thr33 Tr0lls! They’re armed to the teeth & they’ve just toppled your cart. They aim to learn ya a lesson, old man, a lesson you should’ve learned long ago...savage beating completed, you crawl back to the tent city & smoke a rock. Home sweet homeless!

Joe Dosch is a paid regular at The World Famous Comedy Store. Joe Dosch has appeared on the Roast Battle program on Comedy Central. Most importantly, Joe Dosch is a funny motherfucker, which is why he's this week's guest on W3 Thr33 Trolls!

Every day it’s the same: You panhandle enough money to buy 3 cans of Club Long Island ice tea, then you hide under a bus bench & drain the cans while listening to the latest episode of W3 Thr33 Tr0lls. Then you pass out & sleep fitfully for a few hours, until the sun rises & the routine is replicated again. Day after excruciating day, all exactly the same...but at least you’re not sitting in a cubicle all day!

Every day it’s the same: You steal or turn tricks to earn dope-dough, then you slam your precious drugs until dawn. Your family and friends feel hopeless and helpless; no one knows how to get you back on the straight and narrow. You’ve been slamming dope for 3 years now, under a bridge, alone or with transients. Your mother is worried sick about you! She suggests an intervention and the rest of your family agrees. You are dragged back home from under the bridge by your father. The intervention is brutalizing; you feel as though all your loved ones have turned against you. You decide to teach them all a lesson: you decide to overdose on purpose to spite them. You fill the syringe until it can’t hold any more dope and a smile spills across your face. You grab your cellphone and play the latest episode of W3 Thr33 Tr0lls as you sink the needle into your skin…revenge is a dish best served cold and you’ll be cold soon enough!

Your mother lied to you when she said you were a handsome boy… Your father lied to you when he said he’d always be there for you… Your preacher lied to you when he said he’d save you a spot at the side of Jesus in the kingdom of heaven… Your wife lied to you when she said it would last forever… The lies never stop coming! They avalanche all over your soul. All of society is a lie. This is a lie too. W3 Thr33 Tr0lls, they never lie to you or anyone else…that’s why they toil in poverty and obscurity. The truth hurts and W3 Thr33 Trolls is a serial abuser, baby!

For our 60th voyage of the good ship W3 Thr33 Tr0lls we invited legendary comedian Jimmy Shubert to join us in the Brat Cave for a chat. At the tender age of 25 Jimmy was opening for Sam Kinison and from there he built an extensive career, appearing on film dozens of times, most notably on King of Queens and Entourage. Jimmy is not only a regular at The World Famous Comedy Store but at The Magic Castle as well. We talk to Jimmy about Kinison, doing comedy now vs. doing it in the ‘80s during the fabled comedy boom and of course his brand new special “Zero Tolerance”—SOLID!

"And STAY out" were the last words your deeply religious father ever spoke to you...it's been 3 years now, 3 years since your deeply religious father found out what you and your friends were doing in the basement all summer...your father didn't like the clatter coming from the basement and he liked what he saw in there even less when he climbed down the stairs to investigate...he found his son, an alter boy, slathered in fake blood, growling into a microphone, writhing on the floor...your father could not understand Abracadaver, the death metal band you started with your friends that fabled summer 3 years ago, he called it blasphemy...he was right! So he booted you. Abracadaver went on tour for 3 months and broke up in San Antonio, where you've lived on the streets ever since. But at least the music lives on...psyche! Y'all never even recorded a demo! All you ever did was sit around the practice space smoking doobs and listening to W3 Thr33 Tr0lls! Oops!

1 of the loftier goals of us Thr33 Tr0lls is to make a brand new theme song for each episode we unleash into the wild. Sure, we've rehashed a couple of 'em but for the most part we have stuck to this outlandish tradition since the podcast's inception. This extra special episode contains the fruits of our musical toiling as well as some random bits of sound specially cooked up just for this release. The cruder sample-based selections were created by JPL in his palatial hovel, Sean Hart made all the songs that actually sound good and, hell, we even have 2 cuts from Jad Fair, he of legendary band Half Japanese! SOLID.

You watch "I Feel Pretty" with the sound off; you do not feel pretty. You do not laugh. You are killing time until the newest episode of W3 Thr33 Tr0lls goes online. And...there it is. You turn off the television sorta like how it turned you off. You won't be needing it anymore, you have W3 Thr33 Tr0lls now.

IT IS UPON US. You lock all your doors & board up your windows. The wind howls outside. The sky thunders & you take another swig from the bottle...there’s no escaping it, no avoiding it, it’s Wednesday & that means there’s a new W3 Thr33 Tr0lls to download. You strap yourself down to the bed & press play. Then you pray, pray for mercy...