Pauly Shore's Random Rants

This is my last rant before 2018! It’s pretty sweet. Love you guys. Happy New Year!

Vacationing and seeing old friends in NYC. Evaluating Trump after one year. Getting ready for 2018!

Took a break around the holidays, but I'm back and better than ever. Earth to stoners! come in, stoners!

Very raw and uncensored. I'm just telling you how I feel today about relationships, my mom, and much, much more.

I'm really happy for comics who are making a lot of money just for talking on a stage. It's pretty crazy. I know how to capture Kim Jung Un. Also, I'm considering moving to Thailand. I think I'd fit in there.

Had a nice call with Mike Tyson and his wife Kiki. Was feeling kinda depressed, so I took the day off. Whatever though, you guys. I still want you to check out my new show on Crackle! Love you all :)

Ups and downs, just like always. Excited my podcast interview show finally premiered on Crackle. I'm the new Seinfeld! What's the deal with that, brozzz?!

I'm back home in the Four-Plex. I'm alone tonight and I'm getting very personal

Not sure how I feel about the fact that my gay masseuse got mad at me for not letting him jerk me off. Not cool, bro. Not into it. Spatch. Also, I've discovered a new maintenance method for my balls.

I had fun recording this one. Trump Wiezed into the White House and I'm in charge of the chicken fingers at the Comedy Store. Extra crispy, brozzz!

Rise and grind, brozz! Early Bird Catches the Wiez.

The grass isn't always greener, you guys. Seriously.

Food for the soul is what I needed to make me feel better. Jewish soup is super yum, you guys. Kellyanne Conway's hot too, right? She can deflect any question. I'd love to be next to her, not in a sexual way, either. Would love to grab a drink with her and get hammered and talk about the orange baboon. She'z got stories, brozzz!

I thought I was wild when I was a kid but, dude, I was nothing like today's kids. Twitter should change their name to Clitter. Also, black penises are gorgeous. They're like sea serpents in the sky.

If the Ostrich can settle down and get married, so can the Wiez.

I shed a tear tonight, you guys. Had some alone time with sweet baby Joe. Also, no one can stop Adam Sandler. May the force be with Jew!

Trump! Wtf, bro? Spatch, spatch, super spatch! Not cool, dude.

I'm like a piece of toast. My chest needs to be scraped, and my toe jam needs to be cleaned out. Gnarly, right? I think Mexico and the US should go Dutch on the wall.

I still can't believe the orange baboon is our president. He's so wild, you guys. Happy 90th, Dad. I love you.

Encore! Encore! Way to go, Neal. You're Netflix special was very unique, just like your posture. Dad's 90th birthday is going to be awesome.