Ecological Human Services Management

I was already running late when I downed a quick cup of coffee, snagged my keys on the way out and automatically pushed the button to open the garage door. As I hesitated to make sure the door from the kitchen locked, I more sensed than noticed that something was not right. The garage door rumbled up about halfway and the outside light was replacing the darkness. That's the instant I was very sure that something was not right but making sense of the picture was beyond me. The lawn mower was in the corner where I keep it. The gas can was there too. The trash ben was along the inside wall and the back of the garage was cluttered with the usual collection of disorganized stuff. I even had the passing thought that I really should get around to straightening up the clutter. But still, something was not right. I knew what was not right, but nothing computed. For that instant, I didn't want to know what was not right, I didn't want it to compute. I just wanted the picture to change, wanted the video to move along

How clever is it to start a story with "Once upon a time?" I doubt if that opening would ever be confused with cleverness. Even so, it may be as good as anything else if I have no interest in being clever. Some people can pull off being clever but I'm not among those (Dare I say?) clever types. I'm more aligned with those who just say what they have to say and let it go at that. A few years back, I had the notion that I could teach myself to play the organ. I'm not talking about the kind of organ that fills a church or great hall with powerful music. I am just referring to a little organ that is smaller than most pianos. It wasn't a toy but definitely less than the real deal. I know. "A few years back" is pretty close to once upon a time but I've already admitted that something more clever is not in the cards for me. My only goal is to get you into the picture where I'm trying to play the organ. Are you there with me? I'll just assume you are so we can move on. Every day for nearly six months, I spent an h

The Great Mouse has returned and our intrepid hunters are again on the chase. Press play and join in as a neutral observer.

Once upon a time there was a wannabe podcaster. It doesn't matter whether you insert he or she or perhaps even me. Wannabe was as far as it had gotten so far. Every day our wanna be podcaster connected the microphone to the mixer and plugged that into the computer, with the recording software ready to capture wise words and clever banter. But the wise words and clever banter never emerged. Our wannabe podcaster was stuck, waiting on an inspiration that stubbornly refused to inspire. One day, an inspiration of sorts was unexpectedly just there, astonishing our wannabe podcaster. The mute switch on the microphone accidentally or perhaps magically shifted from mute to record. The microphone started serving its intended purpose; the mixer joined into the signal chain; the computer started computing; and the recording software started recording. This all happened when our wannabe podcaster was just getting into what had become a daily rant about how hard it was to podcast and how much easier it would be to just

I think an alien voice is trying to contact us. Listen and see if you agree.

Consider this from Katharine Butler Hathaway, "If you let fear of consequence prevent you from following your deepest instinct, then your life will be safe, expedient and thin." The implication here is that fear of consequence is pretty normal; so having some, or maybe even a lot, isn't that much of a big deal. The big deal is having a life that is safe, expedient, and thin. What the problem with this actually is remains hidden; so you are simply expected to intuit it, it seems. The rub is that you have little faith in your abilities and less faith in your basic grasp or understanding of situations or circumstances. Since you don't believe that you can trust your judgment or instinct, you don't take a chance on yourself. You likewise don't have much faith in your ability to anticipate or predict the behavior of other people. Your belief is that you cannot predict if a specific action of yours will lead to good or bad outcomes. Usually, you think the likely outcome of following your judgment will be bad. You

William Arthur Ward argued that "If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it." This isn't altogether true but is definitely a popular, self-affirming message for most people, most of the time. One can easily imagine being faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and perhaps even leaping one of those tall buildings in a single bound; but no matter how much you dream, you still aren't turning into Superman. It's also true that you may find that you have achieved things you never imagined and have become someone you didn't think it was possible for you to become, in your wildest dreams. Unfortunately, that can work in both positive and negative directions. The reality is that imagining and dreaming can lead to achievement and becoming, but only within limits. Exploring those limits is instructive. Imagination and dreaming can assist in avoiding bad outcomes and finding oneself in undesirable circumstances. Think about what you don't want to happen, w

Horace said, "He has the deed half done who has made a beginning." Indira Gandhi also thought that getting on with getting on is the way to go, "Have a bias toward action - let's see something happen now. You can break that big plan into small steps and take the first step right away." John Fitzgerald Kennedy joined the get your get up and go up and going chorus when he said, "There are risks and costs to a program of action. But they are far less than the long-range risks and costs of comfortable inaction." And perchance you think that people will simply assume that you have good intentions without your actually needing to go for it, the famous Anon pointed out, "Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold -- but so does a hard-boiled egg." There you have it, the argument for not sitting around twiddling your thumbs; but, as with most ideas, there is an alternative point of view. One might suppose that it's now time to dig in, go for the gusto, strike w

The psychology of success and failure is complex but not particularly hard to understand. It starts with personal responsibility. Unless you accept the responsibility for failure, you can't take the credit for success. Either you are the agent of your life outcomes or the victim of people who are pushing you down. Here's the point. If you blame others for pushing you down, people other than you deserve the praise for pushing you ahead. Separating yourself from what you do comes next. As William D. Brown put it, "Failure is an event, never a person." Your success and failure aren't who you are. They are merely what you do. S.I. Hayakawa expanded on the same theme, "Notice the difference between what happens when a man says to himself, ‘I have failed three times,' and what happens when he says, ‘I am a failure.'" The key is in how you manage life's events, not in the events themselves. Robert Allen expressed it like this, "There is no failure. Only feedback." Now consider what you do with the feedback life pr

You are about to learn the secret recipe for the tie that binds. The ingredients and how to lovingly combine them have been protected and tenderly passed down, hand-to-hand, through the generations. Acceptance is the first ingredient. It lets your beloved know that you accept him (or her) as is, don't want to change him, don't want him to change. You then blend in affection, knowing that "too much" applies to many things but never to affection sincerely offered. As you mix the ingredients with love and sincere good will, gentleness is the secret technique the masters have perfected and you refine in ways that convey the uniqueness of your loving touch. It's the perfect complement to being fully involved in the moment, without distraction, without reservation. You have almost got it just right, are nearing perfection; but it still needs a dash of this and a pinch of that, the special spices that bring out the rich flavor of the tie that binds. They are spontaneity and playfulness. Your loving touch is alway

The tiny threads that sew you and your beloved together are intimate and very private; and the loving touch is definitely one of those tiny threads that bind you to each other. It comes in many forms and flavors from a sentimental card or candy in a pretty box to a warm embrace. Flowers and a romantic dinner work as well. Whatever form it takes, the loving touch means that it's an uncommon moment, a moment for special friends and lovers. But alas, the cards will be read and the candy eaten, expensive presents discarded and sincere words forgotten. In time the flowers will wilt and the romantic dinner become but yesterday's fond memory. Something more is needed: a loving touch not to fade, not to be forgotten. It needs to provide that special advantage that Judith Viorst said marriage brings to the two of you. "One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again." To sustain your love until you fall in love again

Sure, some lucky ducks were born with silver spoons in their mouths; and in life's great poker game, some people get better cards than others. It's enough to make you just sit down and cry. The old law-of-averages certainly doesn't apply to you. If luck were really a lady, the world would be a fairer place. Even if it weren't, at least you would get better cards. Maybe your luck will turn; but then again, maybe not. In the meantime, you will need to simply go with the cards you are dealt. Okay, you get it; but it's still a roll of the dice and you can't do much about that fact of life; but, maybe you can. A friend tells this story. "It was bright-and-early one morning when Grandpa found an exceptionally fine sea shell on the beach. I flippantly commented, ‘That was just dumb luck, your finding that shell.' He smiled and replied, ‘Yes, it was dumb luck for a guy who was already on the beach and looking before 6:30.'" Sure, luck and maybe even dumb luck at times play a big part in a lot of things. Things happ

For John O'Brien, his hope was that we may care enough to love enough to share enough to let others become what they can be; but how do we do this at home, at work, and in the context of our other important relationships? Consider the following strategies. They may or may not work equally well for all of us; but they are definitely worth considering. Cooperation: Emphasize a helpful, supportive approach to all of your relationships and activities with other people. Bertrand Russell said, "The only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation." You likely will want to set your sights a little less grandly than redeeming mankind; but you nonetheless get the idea. Cooperation is definitely the way to go and helping others is one of the best ways to get there. What's more, Charles Dudley promises added benefits for you if you are helpful and supportive with other people, "It is one of the beautiful compensations of this life that no one can sincerely try to help another without helping himself." Now, that cert

A "Normal" person is the sort of person that might be designed by a committee. You know, "Each person puts in a pretty color and it comes out gray. - Alan Sherman Labels are for filing. Labels are for clothing. Labels are not for people. - Martina Navratilova Most people have become convinced that vanity is a bad quality to have. In fact, it may actually be a cardinal vice which makes it more than bad; it's terrible. If one explores this negative pronouncement in more depth though, it ain't necessarily so. For example, Lord Chesterfield said, "To this principle of vanity, which philosophers call a mean one, and which I do not, I owe a great part of the figure which I have made in life." There you go. Chesterfield thought vanity was one of the keys to his success. It may be that vanity is little more than one of those things that is just going around. If so, even you may have a little yourself. As Blaise Pascal suggested, "Vanity is so secure in the heart of man that everyone wants to be admired: even I who

I am sad to hear that President Trump will be leading those who choose to celebrate Independence Day with a show of tanks and military air might. Instead of hotdogs, baseball and apple pie, we are representing our national pride by proclaiming to the world that our defensive and perhaps aggressive power is up to any challenge. Instead of wrapping our national pride in freedom and democracy, it is being symbolized by our biggest guns and fastest planes. Instead of a celebration to confirm and reassure, it is a message to reinforce the possibility if not the probability of war, a message to promote fear and trepidation. It is a bit like replacing Thanksgiving with a day of preparation. Unfortunately, Erma Bombeck no longer has it right. Her gentle picture is just not there when the view is through President Trump's eyes. “You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with

Why should your children pay attention to anything you say or tell them? Stop a second to think about what your first reaction was to the question. For most people, "Because I am the parent" or "Because I am the adult" or some variation on the theme comes to mind. Both of these answers are reasonable and appropriate. What I want to point out here is that there are several reasons why your children should listen to what you say. It will be helpful for you to think about and understand which reason is operating when you want your children to listen, to pay attention, to accept what you are saying to them or telling them. Your being clear about why they should pay attention will help them be clear about why they should pay attention this time. There is an additional payoff for you. When you are at work or in other situations where you want people to pay attention to you, being clear in your own mind about why they should pay attention will make it more likely that they will accept you and what you are saying.

Diane Loomans once reminisced, "If I had my child to raise all over again, I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later. I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less. I would do less correcting and more connecting. I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes. I'd take more hikes and fly more kites. I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play. I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars. I'd do more hugging and less tugging." Being a parent is both satisfying and challenging. Knowing exactly how to handle any situation can be very difficult. Sloan Wilson captured the central issue this way, "The hardest part of raising a child is teaching them to ride bicycles. A shaky child on a bicycle for the first time needs both support and freedom. The realization that this is what the child will always need can hit hard." Although being a parent is very complex and will have many twists and turns over the years, knowing how you and your child are doing through the process is less daunting

Young people, like adults, have better days and worse days. Even so, they typically stay toward the middle between better and worse and seldom drift very far toward worse. They have many more up days than down, with the down days being reasonably described as feeling sad or just bummed out. The point is that as dramatic as youngsters can sometimes be, they do not normally get seriously down or depressed; and when they do, it does not last more than a few days. They rebound fairly quickly. The same holds for their behavior and adjustment. They keep it between the lines most of the time; and if they get a little out of bounds, it is unusual and temporary. The following statements describe a well-adjusted young person. Although any youngster is unlikely to fit the descriptions all the time, the descriptions fit most young people most of the time. When a youngster's behavior or adjustment noticeably deviates from the description, concern is appropriate. If the problem or issue goes on for more than a few days,

1. What do you think it means to have good mental health? 2. What do you do to help your mental health? 3. What do you like about yourself? 4. What helps you feel happy, excited, satisfied? What kinds of people, situations, things help you feel good, help you be emotionally positive? 5. When do you feel unhappy? What kinds of people, situations, or things get you to feeling afraid, angry, sad, confused, or feeling emotionally negative? 6. Sometimes our negative emotions get out of balance and sort of take over. When this happens, we sometimes have problems with our behavior and adjustment. When your emotions get a little out of balance and the negative emotions take over, what kinds of problems does it cause you with your behavior, your adjustment? 7. Our feelings are okay. This includes feeling afraid, angry, or sad. How we deal with our feelings makes a difference, though. How do you deal with it when you feel angry, when you feel afraid, when you feel sad? 8. It is important to understand our

1. Be cooperative. This means you work well with others and are there to help as appropriate, when needed. 2. Be loyal. This means you hang in there with the ups and downs and are supportive of and with others when there is internal or external conflict or criticism. 3. Be caring and concerned. This means that you stay involved and interested in the successes stresses and challenges of others. 4. Be engaged and sharing. This means that you regularly talk and interact with others. 5. Be respectful. This means you listen patiently and carefully whenever others are talking, telling you about something, or trying to express their ideas or feelings. 6. Be trusting. This means you do not get into blaming, accusing, or threatening others. Now you know so there you go.