Movie Mastery

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/08/movie-mastery-crash-and-burn.mp3 In the distant future of 2030, Earth is ravaged by the depletion of the ozone layer and one corporation holds power over everyone. Also, there are giant, sad-looking robots that are totally sweet. Now, forget all that because none of it matters and everything is bad actors talking in a factory.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/07/movie-mastery-mamma-mia-2.mp3 It’s time to revisit the magical island paradise where rich white people sing and dance their cares away while the local Greeks toil in the background. In this prequel/sequel mash-up we discover exactly what the circumstances were when a young Donna boned down with 3 dudes in a couple weeks. Finally, the questions we all asked get answered.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/07/movie-mastery-doa-dead-or-alive.mp3 It’s a movie based on a video game that is pretty much only known for the fact that the boobs would jiggle. You can probably guess what the movie’s cinematography tends to focus on. Also, you might have thought this came out in the 90s to cash in on the Mortal Kombat movie but it was 2006 and I’m frankly stunned.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/06/movie-mastery-hereditary.mp3 We went a little overboard talking about the latest critical darling of the horror world. Did we talk for almost an hour and forty minutes because we loved it or hated it? Only one way to find out.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/06/movie-mastery-solo.mp3 After the Deadpool 2 review, everyone was asking if we would also review Solo. We here at System Mastery podcasts are nothing if not open to listening to the desires of our fans. So, here it is in all of it’s nonsensical glory.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/05/movie-mastery-deadpool.mp3 Once again, Jon is joined by Quinn and Josette from the Swallows of the South podcast to provide our thoughts on Deadpool 2. Though mostly it’s our thoughts on weird mouth sounds and talking like a baby.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/05/movie-mastery-the-core.mp3 It’s another week of special guest hosts but this time you get twice the guests for half the cost! Jo and Quinn join in watching a disaster movie with probably the shakiest science I’ve seen in one of these. Also, we get into some Egyptian mythology for…some reason.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/05/movie-mastery-avengers-infinity-war.mp3 You didn’t vote for it but we went to see it anyway. It’s anarchy here over at Movie Mastery studios. Jef is gone and has been replaced by fan favorite, Claire. It’s all topsy-turvy and the whole world is blowing up. In the movie, too.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/movie-mastery-the-alf-movie.mp3 Hah!  He kills us.  This almost embarrassingly cheap TV special takes Alf on a grand tour of… some B-roll footage of Chicago.  We meet ALF’s brother Mitch (yes, we know the cartoon said his brother’s name was Curtis), and the government agent tasked with catching them both.  What branch of government?  Shut up.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/03/movie-mastery-theodore-rex.mp3 After the release of Jurassic Park, dinosaur mania was sweeping the nation. The people wanted dinosaurs and they didn’t care how they got them. Then along came this putrid attempt at a buddy cop film that wasn’t sure if it wanted to be a wacky fart-laugher for kids or a dystopic Judge Dredd-esque cop story. Truly a wake up call for us that maybe we had a problem.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/03/movie-mastery-helldriver.mp3 It’s like someone took the storyboard for an amazing, nutty zombie movie and then let the most boring person alive edit it. If you thought that the one thing that high adrenaline action horror movies needed was turning what would be an establishing shot into an entire scene of a movie then I guess you’re in luck.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/02/movie-mastery-black-panther.mp3 From the bottom of our heart shaped plants, thank you for voting for this over Fifty Shades this month. It is a rare occasion that we get to see and review movies that are even remotely decent, let alone overwhelmingly great. It’s like getting a little vacation and it’s all thanks to the voters.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/02/movie-mastery-the-death-cure.mp3 In a world where every post apocalypse scenario has come to pass, only a handful of plucky kids can save the day. Can the mega corporation with the dumbest acronym stand up to the mighty onslaught of horny teens? Find out this and more with our in depth review!

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/01/movie-mastery-guardians.mp3 It’s time for some superhero action from the Motherland. Russia’s greatest/only heroes must band together to stop the machinations of the evil Dr. Electro-Bane. It’s like if the Fantastic Four were cosmonauts instead (yes I know about Red Ghost and the Super-Apes).

 https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/01/movie-mastery-suburban-commando.mp3 There was a time when Hollywood was trying really hard to turn Hulk Hogan into a legit movie star. With films like this, though, they skipped the standard process of turning a famous muscle man into a star which usually involves being an action hero and went straight to family comedy. It’s like if Schwarzenegger’s big film break had been Kindergarten Cop.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2017/12/movie-mastery-jumanji-welcome-to-the-jungle.mp3 So this isn’t a reboot or a remake, this is a sequel to the 1995 original Jumanji movie. Which is weird, because they ditch the entire conceit of the original movie where it’s the game invading the real world for a much blander “Sucked into the video game” trope.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2017/12/movie-mastery-the-santa-clauses.mp3 Merry Christmas, everyone. As a special holiday treat we are giving you a giant-sized gift in the form of us reviewing ALL THREE Santa Clause movies. Just a warning, we get a little punch drunk after recording for two hours so it gets a bit off the rails. But that’s what the season is all about! Or something!

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2017/12/movie-mastery-deck-the-halls.mp3 It’s time for some seasonal fare with the first of our Bad Dads Christmas movie spectacular. Do these terrible dads not love Christmas enough? Do they love it too much? Not in the specific way the writer/director thinks one should? Well, then, time for them to get dunked on until the realize the error of their ways.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2017/11/movie-mastery-justice-league.mp3 Beloved heroes will come together in a climactic story that will both shock and entertain you as you see the spectacle you’ve been waiting years for. That’s not until Avengers: Infinity War comes out, though, so for now you can also watch a movie where bad versions of DC heroes get clowned on until they rely on Superman Ex Machina to save the day.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2017/11/movie-mastery-the-chipmunk-adventure.mp3 You might have seen this as a kid and remember that it was a fun musical cartoon movie with characters jetting around the globe. It is that, yes, but it is also so much more. This film exists in a universe that is begging to be unraveled and this episode we tear into the meaty flesh to expose what lies beneath.