Movie Mastery

It’s still queer horror week for this Horrortoberfest and, unfortunately, this one is the dark side of the offerings given how this movie views gay and trans people. I will never allow Jef to watch good horror.

In a pulp fiction alternate 1939, nefarious plans are afoot and only the dashing Sky Captain can put an end to this world ending threat. Also, everything looks like it’s been soaked in piss and smeared with vaseline.

A treasure previously lost was found once again by the Alamo Draft House. Now everyone can enjoy the earnest, goofy, terrible movie that is Miami Connection and the rockin’ yet oddly sweet lyrics of Dragon Sound.

A terrifying, inhuman elite controls society and keeps people under control through television, advertising, and the help of their recruits that work to maintain the suppression of any rebellious actions. Also, we watched a John Carpenter film!

The classic 80’s film that tried to see if a full puppet movie could work. With some gorgeous design work from Jim Henson and Brian Froud and performances from classic Muppet actors, it almost does. Almost.

A movie that dares to ask the unthinkable question: What if the youth of America actually gave a shit about politics and showed up to vote? Truly a terrifying thought.

The Loony Tunes are back and ready to create a giant commercial for WB properties and also basketball kind of happens.

In a cult classic that has bigger star power than you might have assumed for such an incredibly stupid movie; we try to make sense of a snake vampire lady and also do the world’s most atrocious Scottish accents.

In the same way that the Taken movies are just fodder for middle-aged dads to imagine that they could be super badass heroes still; this movie is for 20-something burnout stoners to imagine that they could be super badass heroes.

Back in the era where comic book movies hadn’t quite figured out the formula for success, a little property about a post-apocalyptic riot grrl could flourish as a unique creation. Uniquely BAD! BOOM! Take THAT!

The experience of watching this movie is much the same as Goldblum’s character within the movie: mildly amused but mostly just confused about what’s happening and why.

If there’s one element that can turn any concept from drab and boring to thrilling and engaging it’s steampunk. The thing that Alexandre Dumas’ classic tale was missing was scuba gear, airships, and gatling cannons.

After World War 3 has devastated the planet and war is outlawed, the remaining civilizations decide that the best use of their limited resources is to have giant fuck-off robots punch each other over territory disputes.

The romantic comedy that lets women know that you can finally find love as long as you are willing to leave your job, friends, and family behind in order to be with a man you’ve known for less than a week.

Not to be confused with Star Wars: The Cone Wars the TV show. Or Star Wars: Clone Wars the TV show. Or Star Wars: The Clone Wars the video game. This one had a theatrical release that nobody cared about! And we definitely watched it!

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2021/03/movie-mastery-spawn.mp3 Back in the 90’s when comics were gritty and the CGI was absolutely terrible, somebody greenlit a movie that’s 85% narration and 15% incredibly poorly done fight scenes.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2021/03/movie-mastery-on-deady-ground.mp3 We’ve talking about Steven Seagal several times on the podcast before but this is the first time we get to finally sit down and sink our teeth into one of his movies. With a star-studded cast and definitely, for sure not sure Asians playing Native Americans; On Deadly Ground really makes you realize why Seagal became a joke.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2021/02/movie-mastery-circle-of-iron.mp3 Inspired by a script from legendary martial artist Bruce Lee, comes Circle of Iron. A movie where a whiny, asshole white guy has people attempt to teach him Zen lessons but he learns nothing and remains the worst.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2021/02/movie-mastery-tango-and-cash.mp3 A movie that both of us had heard of but neither of us knew anything about. This film walks the delicate line of being a loving example of its genre and being a complete parody. Also, it gets a sprinkling of Heavy Business!

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2021/01/movie-mastery-ready-player-one.mp3 If you love pop-culture references to things from the 80’s and early 90’s and also nothing else, then this is the adaptation you’ve been waiting for.