Conversations With Cinthia

Traditions are powerful, and their impact can be positive, negative, or mixed.  What happens when a tradition seems to do more harm than good?  What about when traditions devolve into going through motions that simply cause more stress, or when family makeup changes and different people bring different traditions to the table?  Is there a way to hold onto the connections traditions provide while respectfully retiring or adjusting those that need to change?  As we enter the holidays, join Cinthia to consider what to do with our traditions.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

We've all been there... burnout.  It's the point when we don't care anymore.  It goes beyond stress into the realm of despair.  What do we do when the value of the journey seems to pale in comparison with the tedium, the pain, the effort of continuing?  What about those times when we no longer have much hope, and even the thought of victory seems too far away to matter?  Join Cinthia for a look at beating burnout in our everyday lives.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

Why do some people lie more often than others?  More easily than others?  Do most people who lie meet the stereotype of a manipulative, generally unethical person?  While acknowledging that lies can come in many forms and happen for many reasons, Cinthia explains that, for many of us, most of our lies result from fear.  So what fears are getting between you and the truth?  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

What is it like to be in close relationship with you?  To have a conversation with you?  To stand next to you in line at the DMV?  Today Cinthia encourages us each to consider whether our ways of relating to others are generally more positive or negative and what impact this has on those around us.  She discusses some characteristics that may make us generally more high- or low-risk for others (and vice versa), as well as some habits that tend to make things better or worse for those who cross our paths.  In a society that seems to promote both the selfish indulgence of our own whims at the expense of others AND the anxiety-riddled determination to validate everyone else’s feelings and beliefs all the time, how can we learn to be basically safe humans for the people next to us?  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

If you’ve listened to the show for long, you’ve heard Cinthia talk a lot about “being your own best version.”  You’ve heard her teach that you (yes, you, personally) are alive for a reason, that God only made one of you, and that He did it on purpose.  No one else can be what He made you to be.  You’ve heard her teach that you can effect change in yourself and in the world around you.  You’ve heard her teach that pain is inevitable and that the effective management of it is imperative for being your own best version.  So are you learning to be your own best version?  And, if not, what is getting in your way?  Today Cinthia explores these established teachings in a new way.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

Finally, the moment we've been waiting for... Cinthia's latest book,Wars to Peace: Keeping Relationships from Going Nuclear, is finally here!!  And to celebrate, we are turning the tables with a very special interview, one in which Cinthia is the interviewee instead of the interviewer!  Join Cinthia's editor Michelle Savage as she interviews Cinthia about her newest book, including what inspired it and how it can help people transform their relationships and their personal relational functioning.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

How many people have you heard try to define what love is?  The poets, musicians, preachers, comic strip artists, teenagers, and so many others have been working on that one for millennia.  Today Cinthia interviews explores a book that considers love less for its existential definition and more for its behavior, specifically the behavior of the One the Bible claims actually IS love.  Join her for a conversation about Bob Goff's book Love Does.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

Have you ever been told that you are your own worst critic?  Is your own self-criticism so pervasive in your mind that it’s hard to even distinguish it from the rest of your thoughts?  With all you have heard about the negative impact of negative self-talk, why is it so hard to turn down the volume on that inner critic?  Today Cinthia explores the concept of the observing self, which is actually important for people to develop as they grow up, as well as some ways that observing self can (often in an attempt at self-protection, believe it or not!) become a caustic inner critic.  She also discusses what it might look like to give that critic a job-change and expect more and better things from it so that it becomes a compassionate witness instead of a tool for self-flagellation. To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

Accepting ourselves as created beings who were not consulted about our own designs can be tough for humans.  We may not like certain things about ourselves, even things that God designed in us on purpose.  Sometimes we confuse our actual faults with traits we simply don’t like, or that others don’t like in us.  But becoming the best versions of ourselves requires accepting the way we were each made and learning to harness our unique temperaments for a purpose.  Join Cinthia to consider your own temperament and how accepting your own make-up (and that of others) can help you enjoy who you are, as well as work on the things that need work instead of constantly trying to be something you were never meant to be.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

Children and adolescents tend to define adulthood by the freedom to do whatever one wants to do.  Actual maturity, on the other hand, tends to involve skills like being able to wait patiently or do what needs to be done, even when one doesn’t feel like doing it.  The fact is that lots of people in our culture go through decades of adult life without ever understanding what it really means to grow up.  So how do we know if those people are us?  Is it possible to see our own immaturity clearly and forge a path toward true adulthood?  Join Cinthia to take a hard look at the marks of true adulthood.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

As Cinthia so often says, feelings are real but not always true.  The “real” part means (in part) that our bodies produce chemicals that wash through us – things like adrenaline and cortisol that can separate us from our logical brains and, if we’re not careful, influence our decisions in devastating ways.  The good news, Cinthia explains, is that it is possible to have emotions, notice them, and use them well without allowing them to drive us over proverbial cliffs.  If you have ever have ever found yourself “drunk on your own emotions” or woken up with an “emotional hangover” from things you did while you were angry, panicked, steeped in hopelessness, or high on excitement, this episode is for you.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

Humor seems to come naturally in some situations and for some people.  But sometimes humor is hard to come by, and there are times when it is seems to elude us.  While we never want to use humor as a tool to inflict pain, avoid reality, or devalue what matters, humor can be an amazing tool for helping us deal with pain, survive reality, and appreciate what is valuable.  In what areas of life can you let in a little laughter?  How can humor help you to enjoy what there is to enjoy and deal more productively with the things that are not enjoyable?  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

Toxic relationships tend to leave us with emotional baggage to unpack.  Unfortunately, there are some kinds of “unpacking” that don’t really help us to recover.  Blaming yourself for someone else’s behavior, trying to understand why an abusive or narcissistic person treated you the way they did, slandering and villainizing your ex in an attempt to get the support or validation that has been missing for so long – all of these can be “rabbit holes” that only lead further into the darkness.  Today, Cinthia encourages instead re-programming our minds with pieces of reality that got lost over the course of the relationship, especially when that reality is about who we are, why we are here, and what our purpose is.  Join her to consider your next step in building or rebuilding a healthy foundation after the wreckage of a toxic relationship or other destabilizing situation.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://ww

There is life after the end of a toxic relationship.  At first, it may feel like you have lost the person you were before the toxicity started, as well as the sense of identity you developed in the relationship.  But you can reestablish your sense of identity, grieve the losses, and continue to grow more into the person you were created to be.  In fact, even while you are on this recovery journey, you can handle the situation with class instead of indulging in the kinds of gossip, slander, revenge, and other dignity-destroying behaviors we often associate with someone who has recently lost a relationship.  Join Cinthia to explore guidelines for re-learning who you are without allowing bitterness or resentment to shape your current identity.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

Passive-aggressive behavior can feel safe, satisfying, even virtuous or clever, to the person practicing it, which is part of why so many people use it without recognizing it.  Its effect on others, however, can be irritating, infuriating, destabilizing, even crazy-making.  It may give us some satisfying moments or protect us from having to risk sharing our real thoughts, feelings, and boundaries, but it can prevent our relationships from being truly satisfying in the long run.  It can even destroy them.  Today Cinthia discusses what passive-aggressiveness is, why it develops, how it impacts people, and what to do if you or someone in your life tends toward it.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

Most people these days have heard the term codependency, but plenty of people don’t know what it looks like in real life or how to recognize it in themselves.  Overly narrow descriptions of it exclude lots of real-life codependents, limiting our understanding and missing the hope that we can become stronger.  Today Cinthia defines codependency and discusses a variety of ways it can operate in our day-to-day lives, as well as some areas we can begin to grow stronger.  There are some really, really great people who struggle with codependency.  Are you one of them? And, if so, what will you do with it?  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

Most of the time, we talk about how to make relationships healthier, accept one another’s imperfections, and take responsibility for ourselves within the context of the lives we have.  But what about relationships that are deeply and consistently unhealthy, despite all our deepest longings and efforts?  Relationships can end in various ways, some much more devastating than others.  How do you control yourself as you navigate a situation that is beyond your control?  In the last few weeks, Cinthia has been counting down the relational threat levels, and last week she explored DEFCON 1, the point at which relationships end in one way or another.  Today she looks further at how to survive the turmoil of a relationship that has reached DEFCON 1 so that you exit well.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

Have you ever been in an environment where you thought you could not be who you really were?  Where you felt a need to project an image that was more acceptable, respectable, loveable, etc., than the real you?  Sometimes our own heads are places like that because we don’t really accept or even accurately see ourselves.  Whether we struggle to accept the unique design God had in mind when He made us or the weaknesses and failings that distort it, we can’t go much further until we accept reality as it is.  Today Cinthia explores why we may struggle with this and what it means to take responsibility for seeing and accepting ourselves as we are.  We can stop trying to make the world meet our needs in ways it can’t do, and we can stop trying to re-make ourselves in self-defeating ways, making way instead for authentic growth, relationship, and discovery of the unique individuals we were made to be.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE St

This is the point of no return.  In national terms, DEFCON 1 means war.  In relationship terms, it means the end of a relationship by one path or another.  In this series, which is based on the book Wars to Peace that Cinthia is just about to launch, we have been looking at how to distinguish and manage various levels of relational threat in ways that maintain our own dignity and that of others.  Today we are looking at the most extreme level of threat response, the one which generally involves acting to end the relationship.  And, while it is possible to jump to DEFCON 1 way too easily, threaten it constantly, or do things there that we regret for the rest of our lives, it is also possible to implement DEFCON 1 in a way that honors what is good, despite the inevitable losses involved.  There is a time to go to war in a relationship.  Let’s discuss what it looks like to determine this wisely and implement it from a place of health.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide

The setting is a significant relationship.  You’ve been picking up some concerning signals and have been on increased alert. Now the emotional threat level is increasing, and you are starting to prepare for the possibility that you will need to act to increase safety…  Welcome to the second podcast in the DEFCON series, which introduces the concepts in Cinthia’s upcoming book, Wars to Peace.  Today we look at DEFCON levels 3 and 2, which take us beyond simply increasing our guard to actually strategizing, preparing, and being ready to mobilize if necessary.  The good news is that none of this means it’s time to start raging, throwing things, or saying things we will regret later.  Today Cinthia looks at the strategizing and defense levels as we consider how to prevent our relationships from going nuclear.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6