Conversations With Cinthia

What do you do when you see someone crying, and what do you think when you see someone do the opposite?  Why do women carry handbags-- is it just a fashion statement?  Despite individual differences, knowing the basic patterns of gender differences can help us tell the difference between difference and dysfunction, and this moves us a long way toward being the best versions of ourselves and having the best relationships possible. Today, Cinthia finishes looking at the basic needs of men and begins looking at the basic needs of women.  Don't be surprised if it changes how you look at your own behavior or the behavior of those you love.

In the modern world, differences between men and women tend to be minimized in favor of acknowledgement that variation exists within each gender group and that similarities exist among all humans.  When the pendulum swings too far in this direction, we can start to pathologize our partners or suspect character defects because we have so little understanding of the basic nature and needs of the other gender.  Today, Cinthia starts to discuss the basic outlooks and needs of men and women.  

Do you believe that men and women are different?  It's long been out of fashion in some circles to assert that there are basic differences beyond the obvious anatomical ones we can see.  However, science is uncovering differences in the brains of men and women.  While these are generalities and we may all differ from the "norm" to some extent, learning the basics of gender can give us a framework that allows us to make sense of ourselves and the people with whom we have close relationships.  Join Cinthia today as she starts an important series with a look at the basic wiring of the male and female brains and some of the ways these differences appear in our day-to-day interactions.

It is possible to do more than just survive suffering; it is possible to require even the worst evils and tragedies to fertilize some seeds of beauty and goodness.  Yesterday, Cinthia talked about getting through change, particularly when it's painful.  Today, she talks about how to prevent suffering from making you bitter and how, instead, to become stronger through the process of change.  

If change is inevitable and going through the grief and loss process is necessary, then what?  How do we actually walk through it day by day?  Cinthia discusses how to walk through change, even change that involves tremendous suffering, with hope.  

Yesterday, Cinthia introduced the topic of defense mechanisms; she explained that the mechanisms we use to avoid grieving our losses can become even bigger and more painful than the original grief and loss.  Today, she continues looking at specific defense mechanisms, then discusses how engaging the stages of grief can help us let go of the mechanisms that entrap us with the promise of protection.  

Changes don't all come to us in the same way.  Some changes we choose, and some we don't.  Some we anticipate, and some are shocking.  Each kind of change brings its own stresses and requires something different from us.  What kind of change are you facing today?  Join Cinthia for a look at how to handle each kind of change, as well as an introduction to how unhealthy coping mechanisms can take hold if we try to avoid facing parts of the reality of change.

What change is happening in your life?  What defense mechanisms do you find yourself using in the process?  Whether a particular change appears positive or negative, change always involves loss.  Cinthia explores what it means to spend our energy growing stronger in the storms of change rather than fighting the storm and trying to change things beyond our control.  This episode is the introduction to a week-long series you won't want to miss.  

How would your life be different if you could let go of worrying?  Did you know that worrying significantly impacts physical health?  It may be a common habit in our society and is even seen sometimes as a sign of love, maturity, or importance, but worry isn't making us any better.  If we are going to become the best versions of ourselves, we are going to have to let go of worrying.  Join Cinthia to explore why God tells us not to worry about anything.  

If the idea of "living in love" makes you think of gritting your teeth and trying harder to feel loving about everybody or be nice to everyone, this episode will be a welcome surprise.  Cinthia explores what it means to manage our own challenges-- our worlds, our wounds, our feelings, our relationships with ourselves, even the voices we hear from the enemy-- in a way that frees us to love genuinely.  This approach offers freedom that just trying harder to feel or act loving can't offer.  If you want to be more loving but don't want to just buckle down and pretend, start with this episode.

If we want the new year to be a good one, we're going to have to make peace with ourselves and manage the lives that we have.  So how do we do that? Cinthia explores how to manage our physical, social, intellectual, emotional/psychological, and spiritual lives so that we can be whole and congruent.  This episode has lots of practical advice on how to manage life in the next year in order to move toward being the best versions of ourselves!

The promise of a new year can seem hollow when our mistakes and other circumstances overshadow us, and we sometimes adopt ways of thinking that deepen these shadows.  What would you do with the new year if you could do it without the mindsets that keep you stuck?  Cinthia discusses how managing our own thought processes can create new beginnings.

We need new beginnings.  Too often, however, we drag our regrets with us into our new starts; then our pasts begin to control our presents and, by extension, our futures.  It's true that we can learn from past mistakes and that we often have to repair damage we've caused, but refusing to grieve and forgive ourselves and others doesn't really help us do that.  Join Cinthia to explore what to do when we can't believe what we did, when the waves of regret keep coming over us, and when we want to start new but can't release the shame of the old.  Explore what forgiveness does and does not mean, and learn how to let the old year pass away so the new one can start.

How do you feel about the dawn of a new year?  Do resolutions inspire you or overwhelm and discourage you?  Today, Cinthia opens a series on setting intentions for the new year so that we can make it the best year ever!  This doesn't mean 2018 will be without pain or surprises; it means that we will spend it growing, learning peace, and moving toward becoming the best versions of ourselves.  This episode introduces the position of intention, especially our intention toward the God Who is faithful to us.  Whether you love the New Year mindset or desperately need to know that every day is new, join Cinthia to consider what intentions will serve you best as you start again.  

Have you ever noticed how often people change when they get around family?  Or how often family members try to change one another?  We may function as emotional adults in many areas of our lives, then start to act more like children or adolescents when near the people we have always known and loved.  Join Cinthia to explore how to accept the family you have and decide what boundaries might help you have the healthiest holiday you can with them.  

Boundaries are crucial for our physical, emotional, and relational health.  Still, they can be so tough, especially when families gather and everyone wants to keep things merry and bright.  How do we know the difference between closeness and enmeshment?  Privacy and isolation? Helping and intruding? Emotional expression and manipulation?  What about the boundaries we keep with ourselves?  Some people know they struggle with boundary issues, and others don't recognize those issues in themselves.  What are your boundaries like?  Join Cinthia to increase your self-awareness and consider how you can make your relationships a little healthier this season.

Too many of us work and obsess (or perhaps give up in hopelessness) because we think we have lost our value, or perhaps were never really very valuable in the first place.  We may even question God's choices in creating us or be angry with Him for the ways that we are.  But our value has never been questionable to God.  Are you working and longing to regain what you never actually lost?  Have you given up hope that you will ever have what is right in your hands?  Join Cinthia to explore the possibility that your feelings and beliefs about yourself don't determine the reality of who you are -- God does.  

Are you someone who works constantly to be good enough but always fears you are just steps away from losing it?  Are you someone who doesn't try because you don't believe you'll measure up anyway?  What if your value is already set, determined, and guaranteed?  What if you are immeasurably valuable and unfathomably loved by God?  Would that mean you could step off the hamster wheel?  Step up to the plate?  Join Cinthia to explore what it might mean to accept the value that is already yours and live like you already matter.

Does generosity ever seem wasteful?  Deep down, do you want people to change before receiving generosity?  These thoughts are pretty human, and it is true that we are not looking to enable bad behavior with our giving.  But Cinthia elaborates today the idea that withholding is actually the more wasteful approach and that letting go of the need to control others with our giving frees everyone involved.  Join Cinthia to look at God as our model of generosity and at what God can do with whatever small gifts we can offer.

Is all generosity created equal?  We've probably all seen generosity we didn't trust.  What kind of generosity actually helps us?  Helps the world?  Makes God happy?  Today, Cinthia continues looking at ten characteristics of the generosity that God desires for us, plus offers four steps to effective generosity.  Also, in case you're wondering why generosity warrants a series on a mental health-related podcast, Cinthia explains what studies tell us about how being generous impacts our own mental health.  Generosity can change the culture, whether it's the culture of a society, workplace, or family.  Join Cinthia to look at how this works and what it might have to do with you.