Wonderful!

We did it. We beat it. We finished watching the final four episodes of Bachelor Pad Season Two in a single week, a feat that we wouldn't recommend trying to recreate at home. See you next week for the Bachelorette premiere!

We're halfway through watching this season of Bachelor Pad, and boy howdy, do we feel guilty about watching any of it. It was like we were really thirsty, dying in a desert of bad television, and now we're quenching ourselves on straight-up toilet water.

After talking about it constantly during the span of this podcast, we're FINALLY discussing Bachelor Pad, the short-lived offshoot of the franchise we know and ... tolerate. Specifically, the second season of Bachelor Pad, which pops off very hard in the premiere and never really stops.

The mid-2000s were a challenging time for all of us, particularly those who were enrolled in reality television programs like Dating in the Dark. This is a show in which strangers are trapped together in a cave, and then tasked with smooching their way out. Join us for another week of erudite discussion on this next-level skeleton-evacuating experience.

Holy shit, what a trash fire. We're sorry we made anyone watch this. Because, like, DAMN. Every minute of this thing was worst than the previous minute, and this bad boy started out with a pretty rough first minute, so. WOOF.

This week, we're hungrily tearing into the new Ellen DeGeneres/Drew Barrymore collabo First Dates, in which a bunch of folks go on First Dates with varying degrees of success. It's a breath of fresh air, y'all.

We're fresh off the MaxFunDrive, and ... well, okay, "fresh" maybe isn't the right word. We are shambling husks of our former selves, full stop. But that's not going to stop us from finishing up our recap of the very first season of The Bachelorette!

Happy week two of the MaxFunDrive! We hope you'll think about supporting our show if you've got the means! Either way, we're gonna recap the first season of The Bachelorette for you so, so right.

Happy MaxFunDrive, everybody! It's our first year on the network, and we're so excited to take part in this two-week celebration of ... well, us, I guess? And you! It's a love story, in a manner of speaking. Also, we're recapping the first eight episodes of Terrace House: Aloha State!

It's finale time! Well, yesterday was finale time, technically speaking. Right now it's recap time! Who did Nick choose to propose to in his season's final hours? I mean, you know, of course, but let's all pretend like it's a big surprise, okay?

Boy howdy, our bodies are simply no longer capable of consuming three hours of this television show in one sitting. Like, our nervous system violently rejects exposure to that much unfiltered Bachelor. Still, we weathered the storm to bring you this sleepy, penultimate episode of Nick's season!

Somehow, SOMEHOW, we created a podcast episode that is just as long as the hour-long episode of television that we're recapping. Which like, at this point, I don't even know if you can call that a recap, really. I think this might actually be a remake.

WHAT A GOOD EPISODE OF THE BACHELOR!!! We were very excited to talk about the good, good families that these women have, and how Nick is going to systematically disappoint them as we reach this season's final stretch. Join us, won't you?

It's Go-Homes week on the Bachelor as Nick narrows down the roster to this season's Final Four. Which, of course, means this episode was kind of lame -- BUT -- we got a big surprise announcement in the form of confirmation of the next Bachelorette! Join us as we just freak the hell out about it.

We don't know where to even begin talking about this episode. It was seriously the most bizarre two hours of programming this franchise has ever put together, complete with inscrutable plot twists and 180-degree tonal shifts that changed the course of the season with virtually no explanation. It's a wild, wild ride, and we're gonna guide you through it.

There's dark clouds on the horizon, but we're not focused on those -- instead, we're keeping our eyes on the delightful moments of yesterday's episode of The Bachelor. Namely, when a bunch of women were INSPIRITED BY A SPECTRAL CHILD.

HEEEEYYYYYYYYY DO YOU ALL LIKE CORRRRRRRRNNNNN?!?!?! This is a Corn-heavy episode, because the Bachelor has become a television show that's exclusively about Corn, and her wayward journey to find love.

Did we all communally experience last night's episode of The Bachelor in a group fever dream? Did we really witness a Backstreet Boys dance-off, a floating post-yartz smooch and a bouncy castle hook-up? IS THIS THE MATRIX? ARE WE IN THE MATRIX?

Where to begin? This episode of The Bachelor was an absolute barn burner -- we had competition, heartbreak, and more cringeworthy interactions than we ever dreamed one two-hour television episode could contain. Hold onto your butts, and also someone else's butt, because that's the order of the day, folks.

AW HELL YEAH. It's a new season of The Bachelor, and to celebrate, we've joined forces with the Maximum Fun network. Welcome to our new listeners! Just a heads up: We don't usually talk about the elemental composition of vaginas as much as we do in this one. It's a very special occasion.