The Tom Barnard Show

Tom and Michael have one thing in common, and that's a fondness for weed.  They may have other things in common, but there's only so much time in an hour, you know. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you have a house and want a lot of money, it's time to sell. At that point you'll have no house, so you buy one. Then repeat the cycle forever. If you find yourself exhibiting this behavior, you may have neurological damage from concussions. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ford's out of the car game save for two of them. When we say car we mean car, not vehicle, so don't worry. Joe's job is safe. Kanye's may not be unless he starts playing country western. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Optimism and dinosaurs often go hand in hand. Whenever dinosaurs and humans meet it tends to turn out pretty well. And with brain tumors you've got Phenomenon, where he becomes a genius. So basically everything is good, even if it's bad. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are a few types of spirits most people seem to agree upon. Those who were executed in North Korea or the 17th century probably qualify as vengeful spirits. Prince apparently is now a troubadour spirit. And of course, Christmas trees become fire spirits. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We don't really know what we're talking about until Eric comes on. Between murder subs, smoking, and illiteracy, it's true chaos. Since nothing says stability like the automobile market, Eric's appearance makes everything better. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Most murders are committed during warmer days. It's hard to fire a gun when you're wearing mittens. That's one possible explanation for both the Golden State Killer, who possibly has been caught, and William Cumber, who definitely has been caught. Both lived in warm climates. For your safety, move to Alaska. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever thought about how nice it is to be able to get into a plane and not die? Musicians in the 70s didn't, because they couldn't. Next time you fly, thank your pilot for being sober. When you land, go see a stand-up comic who can handle comedy without making it about them. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Humans have gotten pretty good at surgery, and they're only getting better by the day. We still can't do a whole lot about psychosis, nor thinking like a water moccasin. Some day, perhaps. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tom is still a bit upset over the racism comments, and his feelings are hurt almost as much as Kristyn's second degree burns. Also, we don't like taxes. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tom often calls people a disaster, but there's that kind of disaster and then there's things like van attacks and shootings. They're a bit different. The latter will most likely require some kind of healing process, and Dr. Nadel can help you with that. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The White House is very old and has seen its share of death. Those conditions usually mean ghost, and in this case they do. For a different kind of ghost of the past, check out Ready Player One as long as you're of the 80s gamer demographic. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Child actors beware, Hollywood wants your money. Be especially careful if you're listening from the 60s, somehow. Non-actor children, on the other hand have it made. Just call The Rock and he'll book a theater or whatever. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Spring may have finally, actually, legitimately sprung. AND SO HAVE THE CLIPS. Featuring: TJ Miller, Alingon Mitra, Paul Myerhaug See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are many reasons one might go to jail. It's a broad spectrum, ranging from possession to illegal use of bathtub to aggravated Tweeting. If you're lucky, Tanya will be your judge. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Before comedy clubs, there was Ernest Hemingway. That didn't end very well. After comedy clubs, there was social media. That's not going to end very well. Let's stay in the 80s when everything was perfect. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

TJ opens up and stays that way for the next hour and a half or so. Fame has a way of changing your life, and it's a change he needed to talk about. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's difficult to think of an unluckier incident than a small plane crashing into your house and setting it on fire. It's even more difficult to turn it into a catalyst for improvement and positivity, like Pete did. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are we all going to drown from the rising ocean? Probably not. The climate is changing, but it's doing so very slowly and we've done a pretty good job of adapting. It's inconvenient for people who make money off fear, but things aren't as dire as some would have you believe. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You better not get caught with any plastic straws or the feds might send a SWAT team. It sounds ridiculous, but it's happened because of rainforest wood and 19th century artifacts. For more information on the latter, read Chris's book. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices