Apocrypals

If you learn nothing else from our show, Theophiloi, let it be this: Never send a cow to do a leopard's job. This, for the record, is not a metaphor, it's the lesson that we learn from the passion of Perpetua and Felicity, who -- spoiler warning for a text with the word "Martyrdom" in the title! -- meet their fate at the hands of the Roman Empire after a pretty lackluster attempt to see if herbivores can make it in the arena. Dragons! Kissing! Childbirth! This one's got it all! Topics of discussion: A certain number of swords, the kind of person who would buy a Funko Pop, Fan Fiction and Early Christian Writings by Tom de Bruin, disrespecting St. Thecla, the relative ease of being murdered by lions, things to say when you see cows, the theological benefits of crossword puzzles, proof once again that the Laadder Match is a Christian specialty, dinocracy, Hilarianus, the Techno-Organic Virus, the Sanavivarian Gate, Heaven and the Salt & Pepper Diner, the efficiency of the German language, a long-awaited ret