Conversations With Cinthia

What does it take to be attractive?  Often we think of characteristics that are beyond our control or measures that require lots of time and money.  Some changes would even require compromises to a person’s value system.  Is attractiveness something that most of us are doomed to miss, or that we can have only briefly before age takes it away from us?  Today Cinthia explains that attractiveness can be defined as “pleasing or appealing to the senses,” a definition that is far more within-reach than we might think.  It doesn’t require looking like a model, being wealthy, or compromising one’s value system.  Instead, it is about the experience people have when they interact with you.  Some of the traits are physical; cleanliness, for example, is more likely to please the senses of another person than poor hygiene.  But even our physical characteristics are often made more or less attractive by things like our facial expressions, manners, and other ways of presenting ourselves.  So how do we make ourselves attract

Anger is a gift that helps us survive and protect, but it can also be used to destroy or to protect the wrong things in the wrong ways.  Especially when paired with fear, anger can enable us to do things we would not or could not otherwise do.  The adrenaline it triggers to flow through our bodies can energize us, helping us to confront wrongs and face fears that need to be faced -- look at all the improvements that have been made because someone got sick and tired of the way things were!  Unfortunately, anger can also be used to scare, manipulate, intimidate, and take advantage of others.  It can enable us to act as if we are superior to those around us, to avoid accountability or the need to follow rules. It can influence others to accept bad behavior.  When anger and fear are paired together, they can annihilate a relationship.  Violence – even verbal or emotional violence -- is hard to repair.  Misdirected anger and anger expressed without morality can even be deadly.  When a person settles into anger as

Today Cinthia welcomes Peter Rosenberger to talk about his newest book, A Minute For Caregivers: When Every Day Feels Like Monday.  As his website www.hopeforthecaregiver.com explains, Peter has been a caregiver to his wife Gracie for about four decades now since a tragic car accident at age 17 changed the direction of her life.  Gracie has had more than 85 surgeries at this point, including the amputation of both legs below the knee, and continues to face daunting medical challenges.  (In fact, she and Peter will be spending this Christmas in the hospital.)  Gracie has started a prosthetic limb outreach to amputees in West Africa called Standing With Hope and has continued her music career despite her ongoing challenges.  Peter, meanwhile, in addition to caring for Gracie’s practical needs, working with doctors, hospitals, and insurance companies, and grappling with millions of dollars in medical bills, has started a ministry to other caregivers called Hope for the Caregiver.  He initially introduced a book

Garrison Keillor once said, “The lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.”  Whether you are working Christmas, spending it alone, hosting a gathering you hope will be beautiful, or gearing up to attend the usual round of work and family activities, you are in this with all the rest of us – and we all need to survive it! Holidays are a time when we tend to think we should be happy, but they happen in the context of everything else.  The expectation of warmth and cheer can highlight our pain and that of others.  The consistency of traditions can emphasize the changes that have occurred over the last year, including difficult ones.  Even positive changes can upset the family equilibrium, and sometimes the system wants to move back into its usual state.  Exposure to family can bring back memories, good and bad, and stir up expectations that we should have more in common than we do.  Expectations can be strong around the holidays: “There’s no pla

Today Cinthia talks with Michael Johnson, president of the Slavic Gospel Association.  Michael discusses his own story including his conversion, journey from corporate to non-profit work, and time in ministry.  He notes that we tend to want to know God’s plan for our lives, but that God wants our obedience step-by-step.  Mr. Johnson discusses some of the dynamics at work in these countries (e.g., emphasis on repentance/changing the direction of pursuits; pervasive sense of having “missed the mark” after living under Communist governments) and emphasizes that Christ is building His church in those countries and in ours. The Slavic Gospel Association works to empower local churches in countries associated with the former Soviet Union, as well as countries in which large number of Slavic people currently live.  The organization has been active since well before Communism came to power in these areas, served churches during the time they were living under Communism, partnered with local church when wall came down

What does it mean to act like an adult? We all know it includes things like laundry, bill-paying, and going to the dentist, but what underlies those activities and determines the priorities of an emotional adult?  Today Cinthia explains how the three core truths she teaches apply to the topic of growing up emotionally.    As an example of what this looks like, Cinthia described her husband Michael’s approach to some significant medical problems that he recently faced.   Although he experienced significant pain and some very scary circumstances, Michael took charge of his health and did all he could to survive and get healthier for the people who love him.  Although the medical problems were his, Michael understood that the situation was not just about him; it impacted his family, friends, and others.  Knowing this, he controlled the factors that were his to control and followed through with healthy decisions, even when they were not easy to execute. Adulthood as we are discussing it is about more than just re

What is emotional baggage, and how does it affect our relationships?  Emotional baggage is the remaining residue of trauma on our lives, whether from traumatic events (e.g., physical assault) or in a broader sense (e.g., relational trauma).  It can become an ongoing part of what we carry with us into new relationships.  We unwittingly take it into new relationships and begin to recreate or re-experience the same thing again and again, reinforcing the trauma-based beliefs we have formed in our thinking, causing them to grow and self-justify.  Think of Linus’s blanket in the Peanuts cartoons.  What are you dragging with you into your new relationships? Emotional baggage does not define you.  Trauma does not define you.  Just as having a sleeping bag placed on top of you does not make you a sleeping bag, having traumatic baggage placed on you does not redefine you as the baggage itself.  This means (among other things) that you can make choices that impact how much power your emotional baggage has as your life c

Today Cinthia discusses concepts from her book God Wants You Truly Living (Not Walking Dead).  God knows we cannot achieve happiness by chasing it.  The book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible demonstrates this; Solomon chased happiness with gusto and resources but found the chase futile.  Jesus, however, said that He came that we might have abundant life – the kind of life He had.  Jesus was truly free despite living in an oppressed people group dominated by the Roman Empire.  He had a deep, meaningful relationship with the Father, and it was in this relationship that He got His value.  He had meaning and purpose, a clear conscience, and deep, meaningful relationships with others.  Perhaps most powerfully, though, Jesus was willing to die.  He died literally, physically, for others in obedience to His Father, God.  He died to Satan’s temptation to pursue His destiny and rights outside of obedience to His Father God.  And He calls each of us to die to ourselves.  This does not necessarily mean physical death – at l

Have you ever heard that saying, “The devil is in the details?”  The idea behind this saying is that something which seems simple and straightforward may, in fact, have a catch, a hidden element that can eat away until it causes destruction.  It is important to pay attention to the little things that can cause big problems and to do the work it takes to address these important details.  Seemingly small habits like laziness, lying, denial, and destructive thought patterns can create ruin.  At the same time, it is also important not to snag on the wrong details.  Perfectionism kills.  Some things really are “good enough” and need to be left alone.  Today Cinthia explores what it means to “get the devil out of the details” so that he cannot use details against us.  This means we have to ask God what details are important to Him, what small things could get in the way of what He wants our lives to be.  What little details are potentially eating away at the structures that hold up your life, and which things need

What does it take to be attractive?  Often we think of characteristics that are beyond our control or measures that require lots of time and money.  Some changes would even require compromises to a person’s value system.  Is attractiveness something that most of us are doomed to miss, or that we can have only briefly before age takes it away from us?  Today Cinthia explains that attractiveness can be defined as “pleasing or appealing to the senses,” a definition that is far more within-reach than we might think.  It doesn’t require looking like a model, being wealthy, or compromising one’s value system.  Instead, it is about the experience people have when they interact with you.  Some of the traits are physical; cleanliness, for example, is more likely to please the senses of another person than poor hygiene.  But even our physical characteristics are often made more or less attractive by things like our facial expressions, manners, and other ways of presenting ourselves.  So how do we make ourselves attract

With the tragedies happening in the world right now, Cinthia encourages each of us to discover and remember why God has placed us on the earth.  With that in mind, today she discusses concepts from one of her books, God Wants You Truly Living (Not Walking Dead).  God is wanting us each to have a life beyond our wildest dreams, but it requires that we die to the things that get in the way of that – including, sometimes, the dreams themselves. Ephesians 3:20 (Message version) says, “God can do anything, you know – far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in you wildest dreams!  He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.”  And John 10:10 (Amplified version) says, “The thif comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy.  I came that they may have life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows].”  This is God’s desire for His people.  But what is life that is “abundant?”  Cinthia reads a definition of abundant that begin

Some shows are easy to do; they make people feel better and inspire sighs of relief in listeners around the world.  Some are more difficult, though, addressing controversial topics and potentially stirring up painful memories, regrets, and even anger for many listeners.  Today’s show is one of the latter.  If abortion is a part of your story in any way, we know it may be painful for you to engage this topic again.  But this topic matters, and you matter -- humans matter to God.  This includes the unborn, and it includes the people who find themselves in difficult places and who sometimes make devastating choices.  We invite you to listen wrapped in the arms of the God Who knows your past, your present, and your future, the God Who alone forgives sins, the One Who remakes the wounded into compassionate soldiers and fierce healers in a battle that doesn’t stop just because we don’t want to think about it anymore.   Today Cinthia talks with Emily Osmont whose bio includes being a published author, an internation

Today’s show title comes from a statement Cinthia found herself making to her husband when he lamented having accidentally dropped a suitcase on her foot while trying to accomplish a project perfectly.  She recognized the statement to be much like what God says to those of us who struggle with perfectionism: He is perfect.  He wants us.  Any perfection we pursue that doesn’t come from Him will only deceive us. Sometimes we think of perfectionism as a noble weakness, one we can describe with false self-deprecation when asked to identify our limitations in a job interview.  As Christians, we may even think of our perfectionism as spiritually positive, citing verses such as, “You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father as perfect” (Matthew 5:48, ESV).  But perfectionism does not lead us to the kind of holiness God desires for us because our perfectionism is not about God; it’s about us.  It’s our own pursuit of being enough, hiding from the shame that threatens us, making ourselves superior to what we

Cinthia opened today’s episode with a famous sonnet by Elizabeth Barrett Browning, entitled “How Do I Love Thee?”  The poem famously begins, “How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways,” and then beautifully lists a variety of ways the lover in the poem loves the beloved.  Cinthia cited this as a beautiful exploration of the reality that love is acted upon, carried out, expressed in actions and gestures that mean something to the lover and to the beloved. Have you ever done something meaningful for someone you loved, only to observe that the individual didn’t seem to find it meaningful?  It is very important to know how people want to be loved.  It can be exhausting to give and give but find that the person to whom we are giving is not emotionally nurtured by the things we are giving.  In The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman listed five “languages” through which people give and receive love; these were words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, receiving gifts.   Chapman asserted th

What do you do with your own moral failures?  Today Cinthia talks about when you know you have gone beyond “nobody’s-perfect-everybody-makes-mistakes” territory and ventured into real harm.  Everyone has been there – those times we shock ourselves and rock our own self-perceptions with the depths of our bad choices.  You may even have experienced remorse so deep that you didn’t want to continue living.  In these states, guilt and shame become like termites in your mind, eating away at your sense of worth, even while another part of your brain is trying to deal with the rest of your day.  Isaiah 1:18 (NLT) says, “’Come now, let’s settle this,’ says the LORD.  ‘Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow.  Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool.’”  This does not imply a casual cover-up, a smoothing-over or minimization of injustice.  This is cosmic -level cleansing, and it is the only kind that can truly settle our debts.  So why is it hard to engage with Go

What is emotional baggage, and how does it affect our relationships?  Emotional baggage is the remaining residue of trauma on our lives, whether from traumatic events (e.g., physical assault) or in a broader sense (e.g., relational trauma).  It can become an ongoing part of what we carry with us into new relationships.  We unwittingly take it into new relationships and begin to recreate or re-experience the same thing again and again, reinforcing the trauma-based beliefs we have formed in our thinking, causing them to grow and self-justify.  Think of Linus’s blanket in the Peanuts cartoons.  What are you dragging with you into your new relationships? Emotional baggage does not define you.  Trauma does not define you.  Just as having a sleeping bag placed on top of you does not make you a sleeping bag, having traumatic baggage placed on you does not redefine you as the baggage itself.  This means (among other things) that you can make choices that impact how much power your emotional baggage has as your life c

Do you acknowledge the choices you have?  You may not always have the choices that you wish you had, but you always have a choice.  Today Cinthia discussed what it means to take ownership of your life and the choices you have.  Acknowledging your own choices means giving up the option to blame others for the entire direction of your life (although it does not mean accepting blame for things that were not your fault -- In fact, sometimes one of the choices you have is whether to accept and affirm that someone else’s choice was not your fault, however deeply it may have impacted you.).  Even people in very tragic situations (e.g., POWs) have choices within their situations, though those choices may be more limited.  Victor Frankl wrote about his experiences in German concentration camps; he observed that prisoners who chose to accept their situations but also find meaning in their suffering were more likely to survive the experience.  They chose not to accept full victimhood by owning the choices that were thei

Today Cinthia spent the first two segments with guest Aaron Knipp of Cicospace (cicospace.com), whom long-time listeners will recognize from previous shows.  The two discussed some recent changes in the business world that have implications for women.  The business world has shifted from its traditional emphasis on authority, competition, strength, and expertise to a more relational approach in which authenticity, making connections, storytelling, and developing genuine relationships is expected.  This tends to work well for women, who tend to be more relational and adaptive.  This does not negate the value of traditional male characteristics or approaches but does mean that women may have a special “time to shine” in the business world right now.  Cinthia encouraged women to pay attention to the way they come across to men in the business world so that they can implement their assertiveness in ways that communicate courtesy to men as well as women.  For example, she explained that raising the eyebrows and ph

Today Cinthia interviews Antoine Anderson, a church planter (2ten.church in southern Phoenix), men’s life coach, husband, father, and author of the book Journey to Fulfill Your Destiny (https://www.amazon.com/s?k=journey+to+fulfill+your+destiny&crid=38ZS5AS1HXZZD&sprefix=journey+to+fulfill+your+destiny%2Caps%2C93&ref=nb_sb_noss).  In this new book, Antoine explores the life of Joseph and what men today can learn from it.  Cinthia expressed happiness that the book is releasing at such a time, noting that men are often given very mixed and degrading messages in our culture; they are still expected to show up and perform but are often unsure what they are supposed to do.  Antoine and Cinthia discussed ways men are often misunderstood in our society; for example, many women do not realize that men tend to want to please, that they appreciate coaching when they have confidence in the coach, and that men, as protectors, tend to pull information to assess risk from details that women may not realize mean