Dr. Ross Greene

Thanks to the questions of a caller and a few emailers, we discussed how to get started with the CPS model, what to do if a solution isn't working, what to do with "I don't know," and how to handle defiance in the heat of the moment.

Siblings that don't play well together, the word "no," what to do in the heat of the moment, and what to do when a solution doesn't work...all covered on today's program, thanks to our B Team Parent Leaders and the fantastic questions we received from listeners!

On our first program of the new broadcast year, Dr. Greene welcomed his new co-hosts, Kim Hopkins-Betts (Director of Outreach at Lives in the Balance) and Jennifer, a B Team leader and parent. They were able to respond to several emails, including one from a mom who's been struggling with her behaviorally challenging 14-year old daughter for a very long time and who hasn't experienced much joy as a parent in recent memory. 

So, if a parent feels like his or her lagging skills are contributing to challenging episodes with his or her child, then how does the parent learn the skills? The same way the kid does: by participating in Plan B, preferably proactively.

There sure are a lot of parents who are struggling with trying to get their schools to solve problems collaboratively with their students...and we heard from many of those parents on today's program.

It's a jungle out there for many behaviorally challenging kids, and we had another stark reminder of that sad fact on today's program. 

On today's program, we discussed one of the ways in which Plan B can go off the rails: adults entering Plan B with a preordained solution. Remember, a mutually satisfactory is one that addresses the concerns of both parties, not the solution the adult had envisioned before initiating Plan B.

Today we heard from a mom whose son hadn't had an explosion in months, and then -- when a video game didn't pan out as he'd hoped -- it got ugly. So we talked a little about the up side of blips, including the fact that we all have 'em.

Lots of territory covered on today's program, including some guidance for a mom from overseas who's hoping an IEP will get the folks at school to solve problems collaboratively with her son. 

At the age of 26, he isn't explosive anymore...but he took the time to call in to today's program -- the 200th segment of Parenting Your Challenging Child -- to tell us about his journey and remind us all of why we do what we do.

If Kids do well if they can is true, then why would a kid behave perfectly at school and be a lot more difficult at home? Answers to that question and others are provided....

Are you setting limits when you're doing Plan B? Of course! You're setting limits whenever you're working collaboratively with kids on unmet expectations...and doing it collaboratively is far more productive than doing it unilaterally.

Lots of territory covered, as usual, on today's program...but we started off with good reasons to keep a log of incompatibility episodes: if you don't identify specific unsolved problems, then those episodes become one big blob (defined as a shapeless mass)...you can't solve problems unless you know what they are, and that's the first step in getting rid of the blob.

What do you do when you can't sling your 15-year old over your shoulder anymore during meltowns? Solve those problems collaboratively and proactively. But that's not the only question that was answered during today's program.

Some great phone discussions today...we received an update from an old friend about a kid we've known for years, helped a mom try to extract more information from her adolescent daughter, and revisited the can't versus won't debate (which shouldn't be a debate at all anymore)...

Parents sometimes behave in ways that they then regret. What to do afterward? Plan B. What to do beforehand? Plan B. Does a psychiatric or special education label move things along? Not when it comes to identifying lagging skills and unsolved problems.  

On this, our first program of fall, 2016, Dr. Greene and Susy responded to lots of questions, including several about how to use Plan B on problems causing conflict between siblings.

If you're using the CPS model, does that mean you no longer have expectations for a child?  Goodnesss, no.  You can't parent without expectations; you can't have influence without expectations. How you respond when your child is having difficulty meeting your expectations...well, that's where Plan B comes in real handy.

We adults are a whole lot better at noticing behaviors we don't like in our kids than we are at identifying expectations the kids is having difficulty meeting...and that's the hard part in wording unsolved problems. Fortunately, help is provided!

If you're solving problems proactively, does that help you out if you're stuck in the heat of the moment? This and lots of other questions answered on today's program!