Humanize Me

Bart Campolo's oldest and closest friend, Matthew Rodreick, is this week's guest on the podcast. Matthew's life has been shaped by his son Gabe's spinal cord injury, sustained around a decade ago when Gabe was 16.The conversation in this episode begins by exploring the relationship between father and son and the multiple roles one must play in that event, and validating Matthew's own experience as Gabe's father as a valid and important one.It finishes entirely differently: with a moment of revisionist history for Bart as he is reminded that he did not support Matthew's choice to reconnect with his birth father at the beginning, and the two friends playfully mull over Bart's old advice, what he got wrong and why.Matthew's organization, Unite 2 Fight Paralysis, can be found at u2pf.org.—Included in the outro of this episode is a 5-minute excerpt from a longer philosophical debate between Bart and Roman Campolo. Check out the full bonus episode over on Patreon! Not a supporter yet? Join up at Patreon.com/Humaniz

Today's caller was in line at a drive-through coffee place, and decided to pay for the people behind her in line. But she realized that, in the course of doing so, the rewarding feeling she got from the act may have been the reason she did it in the first place. And that led to her question: "Is there actually an unselfish act? And if there isn't, are we doing it for the right reasons? Can there even be an unselfish act and if there is, would that be good?" Takeaways: The feeling of reward for good deeds is grounded in evolution, the idea that only truly selfless acts are pure or good is probably a holdover from faith-based ethics, virtue is its own reward, take pride in and enjoy being a good person, how you act is what makes the difference in the world, self-interest - properly understood - actually mandates altruism, and excessive selfishness in the name of pursuing happiness is misinformed. -- Follow this podcast on Twitter or Instagram to stay up-to-date: Twitter: @HumanizeMePod Instagram: @Humanize

Language really shapes how we think about things. After Jonathan Merritt moved from the South to New York City, he discovered that the words he had always used to describe spiritual life didn’t resonate anymore! The more pluralistic and postmodern the society, he observed, the less language people seem to have for spiritual experience. Jonathan is so sure that this is a problem, he wrote a book about it - Learning to Speak God from Scratch - which he and Bart Campolo chat about in this episode.They talk about the resurgence of the religious right and the desire of many Christians to separate themselves from it, the importance of language to describe good and kind forms of spirituality, Jonathan’s own beliefs, the importance of good questions and our comfort level talking about our spiritual lives.Jonathan is one of America's premier religion writers whose work can be found at The Atlantic, The New York Times and many other publications, and whose website can be found at JonathanMerritt.com.Leave us a review i

Let's be honest: Spending time cooped up with family and friends on holidays like Thanksgiving can present some interesting conversational challenges for many of us. With that in mind, podcast producer John Wright asks this question of Bart Campolo in this episode:"Bill Maher thinks we should stop talking politics with each other in the context of our personal lives and let it be more of a private thing. As someone who had a very serious conversation over Thanksgiving with your parents several years ago about leaving the faith, what do you think of this idea, and how should we conduct conversations with family and friends over Thanksgiving and the holidays? Do you have any advice about topics which are good for these kinds of occasions and topics which are not?"Takeaways: Set a goal beyond just hanging out, plan for different kinds of conversations, ask questions that allow others to be heard and seen, don’t try to change anybody’s mind, if you’re worried about having a difficult time tell someone you trust w

Jessica Wilbanks grew up in a fundamentalist Pentecostal church on the western shore of the Chesapeake Bay, and then, at 16, walked away from the church. Ever since, she's been haunted by the world she left behind and wrote a book about it, just released: When I Spoke in Tongues (available on Amazon).In this conversation with Bart Campolo, Jessica talks about growing up in her family, the "loss of an assumptive world" with her loss of faith, having a nervous breakdown in college, transcendent experiences and the Holy Spirit, the early days of Pentecostalism, her mother defending her from an angry pastor, her bisexuality and more.We're giving away 3 copies of Jessica's book! Just leave a public review of this podcast on iTunes, take a screenshot of your review and then send it to humanizemepodcast@gmail.com. We'll draw 3 names and contact you if you win. Good luck!Jessica's website is JessicaWilbanks.com.--Follow this podcast on Twitter or Instagram to stay up-to-date:Twitter: @HumanizeMePodInstagram: @Humaniz

Sometimes, in the face of big problems in the world, doing everything we can reasonably do stills feels inadequate.Consider the question this week, asked by Lexi in the Humanize Me Facebook Group:"Today I find myself missing prayer. I just finished watching Last Week Tonight and it was about family separation. They played a clip of a child recently reunited with his mother and he was crying and saying she didn’t love him. It was absolutely heart wrenching. My helplessness weighs heavy on me tonight. I can give money and protest and vote but my it feels small. I used to spend moments like these in prayer and I would leave feeling as though I had somehow actually done something. It was a way for me to feel like I could shut the door on that grief and move through life like normal. But as I’m typing this I think that maybe that was my problem. I shouldn’t move on from this grief. I should feel it fully and find more actionable steps to prompt change."Bart Campolo begins a multi-faceted answer, but partway throug

Just say no! That's the mantra most of us have picked up from authority figures in our lives about drugs of all sorts, no matter their category.But for our guest Ashley Booth and a growing number of scientists, doctors and thinkers, it's become clear that our culture threw the baby out with the bathwater when it comes to the usefulness of psychedelics. This particular class of compounds - psilocybin, LSD, DMT and others - is special. They provide strange, unusual forms of consciousness, changing the perspectives of those who take them so much that their experiences can be life-changing.Bart Campolo has never tried psychedelics. But in his project to become more empathetic, more available to love others fully, and to make the most of the one life he has, he has become more and more certain that he can't afford to avoid psychedelics forever. His conversation with Ashley includes: special usefulness for those with PTSD, anxiety and depression; Ashley's own experiences; how to interpret the experiences and what t

Some of the things people abandon when they leave the church are rituals. But this week's Q&A features a voicemail by listener Morris Bird, who asks: "The word ritual is used to describe things as innocent as reading the newspaper. On the other hand, it's used to describe sinister cult ceremonies. I'm curious, what are your thoughts generally on the role of rituals in secular communities, and what makes a good ritual, and how are good rituals designed and implemented into a community?" In a first for one of our Q&A episodes, Bart chooses to 'phone a friend', a now-secular 'celebrant' called Keith Page, and they chew over the idea of rituals. Takeaways: Rituals create order, and a sense of permanence, funerals, weddings, families, birthdays, Alcoholics Anonymous and other things are good examples, rituals of initiation like baptism actually make sense, the best rituals are connected to a value you share, solo rituals too, people need collective practice. —Join Bart and John LIVE on Thursday over at Pat

Don't worry; if you've never heard of 'evidism', you're not alone. This is a term coined by the guests in this episode, inventor Jeff Haley and author Dale McGowan, to describe people committed to fact-based, evidence-based thinking.In this conversation with Bart Campolo, Haley and McGowan talk about their book, Sharing Reality: How to Bring Secularism and Science to an Evolving Religious World, and their ideas for how to have better, more evidence-based conversations with people who have different worldviews.They talk about how we know fact from fiction, the word 'believe', how we know the earth is round, evidence and the resurrection of Jesus Christ, bias and how we must all admit to having it, and how to talk to people of faith.--We'll be having our third Jam Session in the next week or so over at Patreon.com/HumanizeMe. Not a supporter yet? Join up and get extra content for it! We have a goal of 100 patrons... and we're almost there!You can also join our 'secret' (roll-eyes-emoji) Facebook Group to talk w

How does one decide who to pick to be friends with? Bart Campolo and John Wright look at this question as a sort of 'Part 2' to the last Q&A about cultivating good friendships:"I really enjoyed Episode 326 where you guys talked about how being interested in other people is the first step to having good friendships, but my question is, who should I be focusing on? Who should I invest in or try to get closer to when I build a nice friendship? Looking forward to hearing what you have to say."Takeaways: shared interests are important, circles are an easier place to start than individuals, complimentary personalities are better than sameness, have an awareness of your own social cachet and keep it in mind, choose kindness over coolness.—Infiltrate our top-secret Facebook Group to talk with others about the podcast!‘Bart’s Book List (Part 2)’ can be found at our Patreon page. Not a supporter yet? Join up at Patreon.com/HumanizeMe and get extra content for it!Got a question for Bart to answer in a future show? C

No defaults. That's how Dedeker Winston, and her romantic partners Jase and Alex, see the foundation of their relationship structure: conscious, intentional choice around a lifestyle that works for the people involved in it, rather than defaulting to the monogamy (or serial monogamy) of our culture. As a former evangelical Christian, Dedeker not only left behind her faith but also many of the ideas based on it, like its messages about sex and relationships. In this conversation with Bart Campolo, Dedeker talks about hierarchy in poly relationships like hers, the 'relationship escalator', expression of ultimate values, the fallacy of thinking that one person can play every role in one's life, commitment, financial and legal matters, comparisons with blended families and LGBTQ families, the difficulties of being in alternative lifestyles in a society that doesn't see them as normal or good, and takeaways for couples who plan to stay in monogamous relationships. Dedeker's website can be found at DedekerWinsto

It's a line Bart Campolo uses a lot in this podcast and elsewhere, that the essence of life is cultivating loving relationships with other people. Today's question asks how to begin the process of doing that: "Bart often talks about about cultivating loving relationships, but I’m never sure what he means or what I’m supposed to do. Don’t get me wrong, I was popular enough in school and I’ve always gotten along well with the people I work with, but I don’t know how many of my friends would say they actually feel loved by me, or vice versa. I’m not asking for Bart’s '12 Rules For Life', but I’d sure like to know Step One when it comes to connecting more deeply with the people in my life." Bart borrows heavily from Dale Carnegie's classic book How To Win Friends and Influence People in his response, which he uses to break it down to a single, basic point. -- We have a bonus episode this week for Patreon supporters! ‘Bart’s Book List (Part 1)’ can be found at Patreon.com/HumanizeMe. Not a supporter yet? Sign

It's often noted that Alcoholics Anonymous sounds like a religious movement, with its appeal to a 'Higher Power'. But Joe C. is the founder of a group called AA Beyond Belief, which he says exists to provide a space for AA agnostics, atheists and freethinkers worldwide.Bart Campolo has wanted to have a conversation with a secular person deep in the AA world for a long time, and Joe C. is that person! Many people have been helped and find their community in groups like his, and Bart wanted to explore how it looks for Joe, people in recovery and those in his group in particular.Find AA Beyond Belief at AABeyondBelief.org. See also SecularAA.org and follow Joe at Twitter.com/Rebellion_Dogs.—Got a question for Bart to answer in a future show? Call the ‘Q Line’ at (424) 291-2092.Enjoy the podcast? Support it at Patreon.com/HumanizeMe and get extra content for it! Please review us on iTunes (it really helps). And join 700 other listeners on the show’s Facebook Group.

Bart Campolo thinks his kids are the best in the world. Well, not objectively speaking, right? Well, sort of! I mean, he really prefers his kids to your kids. But he hopes you do too. Is that right? Is that okay? And is there any problem with that sort of 'us-them' mentality? On this episode, Bart and Humanize Me producer John Wright attempt to answer a question from listener Daniel, who's concerned that in-group/out-group thinking could have a dark side: "A common critique I hear about religion is that it fosters an us-them mentality. Humanize Me, the episode with Charles Vogl in particular but in general also, says that 'us-thems' are not only fine but good. We should have 'us' groups, we just shouldn't mistreat our 'thems'. Where it gets sticky for me is, at what point does a preference for one group of people become mistreatment of another? And to me that begins when we say that not only do we prefer a certain group but it's right for us to prefer this group. When Bart talks about his instinct to treat

It's not a term most people use every day, but street epistemology is a thing. Anthony Magnabosco is one of its more prominent ambassadors, largely because he routinely captures his efforts on video and posts them on the internet.What is street epistemology? It's a conversational tool which uses Socratic questioning to help people expose the underlying methods by which they arrived at their beliefs, thereby subjecting those beliefs to scrutiny. Examples of Anthony at work can be found on YouTube, and the website can be found at StreetEpistemology.com.In this conversation, Bart Campolo talks with Anthony about his approach, what he hopes to gain from these conversations, beliefs and their rationality, how irrational beliefs can sometimes be held for understandable reasons, whether it's fair to challenge someone's beliefs if you can't replace their faith-based communities afterwards, responsibilities to people after the conversation is over, and the difference between ordinary believers and professional apologi

This week's question comes from a listener who finds it hard to spend time alone without having a really difficult time over it:"Hey Bart. Okay, so when my girlfriend goes away on business trips, I experience a ton of anxiety. And it isn't that I'm jealous of her - I'm I'm totally glad that she's having these experiences - but I get really anxious and my tendency is to want to immediately fill that space with with someone so that I don't have to have that negative feeling of being all alone, which I really hate. Is there something wrong with me? Thanks."Both Bart and John relate to the question on at least some level, and think it's a fairly common feeling. But is it fair to say that there's something wrong with someone who feels this way?Takeaways: Comfort being alone is harder in the digital age, it needs to be exercised and cultivated, sometimes we may be fleeing the sound of our inner voice, there are things we can do to be better at this.--NOTE: We have an issue with our podcast feed that is owed mostly

Curating peoples' secrets. It's a decidedly odd vocation, but Frank Warren has been doing it for a long time now through his ever-popular online art project, PostSecret.com. People anonymously send Frank their most intimate, private, beautiful, scandalous, horrifying, amazing, unspoken thoughts on postcards (yes, through the mail!) and Frank posts a new batch of them every Sunday on the site.In this conversation, Bart aims to find out what Frank's life looks like, how he got here, what his relationships with his mail carriers are like, what he's learned from receiving so many intimate thoughts of strangers every day, what the root of the issues people face today is, why people send them, the nature of stigma and much more.--This podcast was just added to Spotify! Subscribers can listen right inside the app. Open Spotify, search for 'Humanize Me', select it under Podcasts and press 'Follow'.Got a question for Bart to answer in a future show? Call the ‘Q Line’ at (424) 291-2092.Enjoy the podcast? Support it at

In this episode Bart takes a question that, he joked upon hearing it, may easily have come from his Christian father:"What is the basis for your morality? I am not asking what your morality says, such as 'Do not gossip', 'Be trustworthy' or 'Be forgiving.' I am asking the 'Why?' question about your morality ('Why should you not gossip?', 'Why should you be trustworthy?', 'Why should you be forgiving?'). For me, my 'Why?' used to be my belief that people inherently deserve to suffer the worst possible suffering for an endless amount of time. I no longer believe this, and I now recognize the harm that often results from my old moral foundation. My new moral foundation is, in part, the desire to decrease suffering. Why? Because a scenario where every conscious creature suffers as much as possible for as long as possible would be a bad thing. I can't prove it, but I hope it is self-evident. So what is your moral foundation?"Takeaways: There is no objective morality; the value of life is central; maximizing the fl

Charles Vogl helps leaders transform loneliness and separation into connection and belonging. His book, The Art of Community, is the book Bart Campolo says he always wished he had to recommend to people who wanted to build their own groups and nurture them. In this conversation between Charles and Bart, they talk about life's 'inner circles', contributing to a richer world, moving from fear to generosity, and preparing for the hard work ahead. Charles's website can be found at CharlesVogl.com. -- Enjoy the podcast? Support it at Patreon.com/HumanizeMe, which is a unique feed from Bart that is exclusive to subscribing patrons. (You’ll also get extra episodes and content not available anywhere else!) Review us on iTunes (it really helps). And join over 600 other listeners on the show’s Facebook Group. Humanize Me is hosted by Bart Campolo and is produced by Jux Media.

Bart answers a question from a listener called Erin, who called our ‘Q Line’ to ask how to start to make new connections with people: “How do I talk to people at the beginning of something new? Say I meet someone and I want to be friends with them or there’s someone I haven’t seen in a long time and they’ve come home for a visit or something, how do I make the next move? What are the steps to setting up a platonic date?” Bart took off running, saying that it’s one of his favorite questions to be asked and drawing from his own experiences with college students to give a pretty comprehensive primer on how to talk to people, connect, and get to the next level with them. Takeaways: Do it over food or drink; be clear about your intentions; as the initiator, take the lead; double down on curiosity and ask thoughtful questions; affirm people and be in a ‘giving’ mode; don’t be afraid to go deep; don’t be afraid of prep ahead of time and evaluation afterwards; be engaged as an active listener; communicate that you