Soul Talks With Bill & Kristi Gaultiere

Children need care to learn to bond in relationship and to develop boundaries. Parents need to have limits with their children for their own relationship with God. This looks different for infants, pre-schoolers, school-aged, and young adults. Bill and Kristi share some practical strategies.

A married couple asks us, “How do you care for your marriage when you have young children? The responsibilities of parenting are so demanding!” Bill and Kristi talk about effective parenting and putting priority on your marriage as a way to love your children drawing from Psalm 127 which calls us to be a family that rests in the Lord.

Bill has an emotional day and for someone who has historically been a strong thinker and an active do-er this is news! Kristi talks with him about when he used to repress his emotions versus feeling and expressing them now. The benefits are greater friendship and peace. Also they talk about a very emotional baseball game that night when Bill’s beloved “Cubbies” won the World Series!

C.S. Lewis said, “We’re busy because we’re lazy!” How could it be lazy to be busy with our work, ministry, and family?! Because when we do too much or go too fast we’re relying on ourselves rather than God with us. If you struggle with busyness you’re not alone! Let’s talk about how to prioritize the life of our soul in Christ.

"Many a spiritual cook scarcely licks their fingers, yet prepares for others the most costly dishes." These are words of the great puritan Richard Baxter in the 17th Century. If we don't care for our own souls under God as pastors, people-helpers and Christian workers we will get depleted. Bill and Kristi share about some practical ways to enjoy eating the food that we cook for others.

Caring for others spiritually is so compelling that it can swallow up your marriage. Other jobs can also take over your life. You may find that you and your spouse are always doing church stuff, solving problems, helping people, or talking about those things! It’s great to partner with our spouse in God’s work but not at the expense of intimacy and fun in our marriage.

We don’t really know our true selves until we look in Jesus’ eyes of love. This is Bill listening to Kristi’s grief when she loses her cat Charlie. This is the Good Shepherd finding the lost sheep in Luke 15 and Jesus’ teaching in the Sermon on the Mount. This is a grace-based relationship in which we’re empathized with, known, forgiven and eternally loved! You long for this with God and safe people. The people around you need this from you.

When recovering from a major surgery a pastor realizes that he’s been using pain pills to cope with emotional distress. This is one of many unhealthy ways to “calm down” negative emotions. But denying feelings separates us from experiencing the love of God and of friends. In Psalm 55 David uses many feeling words in his prayer and experiences the true comfort that strengthens us to offer care to others.

Kristi and Bill talk about what it was like earlier in their marriage when he wasn’t aware of his emotions. Kristi felt disconnected from him and he felt pressured by her. They share how they grew in emotional differentiation, self-awareness, and true intimacy with one another and God.

A man said he overcame his porn addiction by fishing! How could that be? Bill and Kristi talk about the X-rated advice this man received from a secular therapist, and what really helped him, like his 12 Step recovery group. Pornography and other compulsive behaviors deaden the soul and hurt loved ones. Real life, love, joy and peace come through intimate relationships with God and people.

Bill and Kristi introduce the new Soul Shepherding website which invites people into a closer walk with Jesus. They share with others from their own inward journey with the Lord, a kind of online library that Jesus provides out of an overflow of intimacy with Him.

Praying a psalm or verse of Scripture helps us to embrace Christ. Using Psalm 131 helps us release ambitions and worries while finding delight and peace in drawing close to Jesus and his Father. Kristi ministers to you the “Jesus is Enough For Me” prayer that Bill wrote from Psalm 131. She also shares how God used this to comfort an anxious woman seeking her help.

A pastor and Soul Talks listener asks how to use Soul Shepherding's list of “Electric Scriptures” to renew our minds and turn on God’s power. Bill and Kristi share how we can memorize Bible passages and use them in prayer. Bill has been renewing his mind in 1 Peter 5 in humble leadership and Kristi has been using Romans 8 in the life of the Spirit.

The TLC you desire is available through extended quiet time “To Love Christ”. Our Lord invites us to join his intimacy with his Father and find new joy and power for ministry to others. Bill and Kristi share examples of what happens when pastors and leaders set aside their work for some TLC time.

Maybe you keep trying to offer empathy to someone — to listen, understand, and care but you’re getting exhausted! Sometimes empathy is not enough. Here’s what it looks like to empathize, but also to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15) and to ask for the empathy that you need (Matthew 7:7-8).

50% of pastors are discouraged right now. Everyone who cares for others in any capacity at times feels frustrated, tired, and down-hearted about their ministry. “Do not be discouraged,” the Bible says. Should we just shut down our emotions and put on a happy face or try harder? No. “For I am with you,” the Lord says (Joshua 1:9). It’s God’s empathy that encourages us and often it needs to come through people.

Sometimes we all feel disconnected from God or insignificant. Kristi shares how she was inspired to see the supernatural ways that God worked in Brother Andrew’s life. It’s true for all of us, including in the mundane things and in our brokenness. To see what God is doing we need to reflect prayerfully on our life story and share it with others. Key Scripture: Romans 8:11-15 (God wants to move in your life and do wonderful things. We can trade our “do-it-yourself life” for a new life, a resurrection life. We can live “adventurously expectant, greeting God with a child-like, ‘What’s next Papa?’”

In relationships there’s often a dynamic called “collusion.” One person carries an emotion for another. One is sad, the other happy. One is fearful, the other courageous. One is calm, the other reactive. To get unstuck, the two of you need to talk about it and practice changing roles. The Lord Jesus shows us what healthy, loving collusion looks like.

Releasing our children to be their own persons is part of loving them. It starts when they’re little and continues all through life! Celebrating their daughter’s wedding has Bill and Kristi rejoicing, grieving, empathizing with one another, and praying to God as Abba.

We all need a mission from the Lord that’s beyond our comfort zone and abilities. Maybe it’s sharing the love of Christ with the poor and needy in the city, people from a different culture, or traveling to another country. We grow when we venture on God. Drawing on Jesus’ commission of the 72 disciples in Luke 10, Bill and Kristi share the challenges and fruits of caring for pastors from poor villages in Mexico.