Good Night

A long look in a full length mirror, and seeing reflections of the Midnight Ladies of Midtown Manhattan.

A couple of emails, and a really dumb thing I did this week made me think pretty hard about this one.

The guy on the cover of the magazine is young. He looks like he forgot to shave for a couple of days before the photo shoot. More than likely, he holds several scoring records, many of which are not in recognized sports. He likely has women he doesn't even know running around his house in high spiked heels, doing floor exercises while wearing sweat pants from Victoria's Secret, and arguing with each other over who gets to give him a back rub with her carefully manicured nine inch fingernails when he gets home. But I'm better off, because of the fingerprints on the carpet.

This is the story of a memorable dining experience. Some people know the high hopes that come during the first few hours of a diet. Other people just drown their sorrow with Redi Whip. The best place to figure out who belongs to which group is a table near the salad bar at a diner. We can watch an endless array of human dramas play out there behind the beets...if we don't let the lettuce get us.

Some days you're the bird, and some days you're the statue. I've been Lawn Tractor Man, Life Guard, Pilot, Late Night Radio DJ, Hunky Husband, Dad, and lots of names I won't mention. But now...I'm Glasses Guy. This is new for me. It's going to take some getting used to. I started thinking, why couldn't this work around the other way. Instead of starting to have trouble seeing, why couldn't I start being hard to see...like becoming invisible. Try thinking about those possibilities without getting a smile on your face that lasts for at least three weeks.

I don't mind people looking at me and saying, "He's getting older." But I don't ever want people to look at me and say, "He's getting old." The difference is Attitude. Louie-Louie Generation Guys and Dolls are riding our exercise bikes, while our kids are driving cars. No question...things are changing. But unless you're sitting in your rocking chair, but can't make it go, or you get winded playing chess, you don't have to get old. But it takes more than just wishing. It takes attitude. And by the way, be careful what you wish for. You might get it. Like I did. Listen.

What's a Louie - Louie Generation guy supposed to do when he needs a back scratch, but Catherine Zeta Jones is off doing a movie? Who's going to go and get him something cold from the fridge when an overwhelming thirst for something cold strikes but Angelina Jolie is having a night out with the girls? Here are some of the answers to burning questions like that. You will experience the solo pleasures of the Retro Rub. Writhe with pleasure with a thorough Scalping. And sop up the very good vibrations of Sniffing and Sneezing. Dig right in.

There is only one explanation for why I bought my Lady Wonder Wench a brand new, hideously expensive car today. And that explanation can in no way be considered reasonable. But I'd do it again.

The title is a very bad pun. But the story is a very happy one. It's about shirts, and the people who wear them. Especially one person who wore a shirt that seemed magic to me.

Actually, this is our third anniversary plus a month. I promised to tell you about the top five podcast downloads of the year at each of our anniversaries, so I guess it's better late than never. One important observation for you guys from Big Louie, his own bad self... the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie-Louie Generation this week: "Sex is better than cutting the lawn, no matter what your wife tells you."

Elbow Grease can make you the King Of The Road. Just roll down your car window, and stick your left elbow out there into the sunshine. You'll have an instant, "Beam me up Scotty" moment. The dark clouds will disappear. You will be 18 again. You will spend all of your spare time doing shower duets with the companion of your choice. Think I'm kidding... try it.

We need all the help we can get. The economy is in trouble, we've got wars breaking out like pimples, and our satellites are getting taken out by space junk, so we ought to be listening for some new ideas.. even nutty ones. But we're just yelling at each other. Time to take a tip from my Lady Wonder Wench. Whisper.

Google lurks somewhere down deep inside your computer. And it knows everything. It's like the wise guy who sits on the mountain top and tells you the true meaning of life...or that little voice inside that when you screw up keeps saying..."I Told You So." So, I'm giving my "little voice inside" a name. It's kinda like Google. So I'm calling it Giggle. You have a Giggle too. And I'll bet you find your Giggle in here...just waiting to say, "I Told You So."

There are some high profile guys like John Travolta, Harrison Ford and Tom Cruise who fly their own planes. But most pilots...big plane pilots and little plane pilots, are like me...just guys who like to fly. Here's why we like to fly.

Life is like a giant roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. Get a little summer love while you still can.

People who are not guys understand this stuff better than people who are guys. So in trying to figure out stuff like why kissing is more important than grabbing, I made a list of the different players in the Love game. That's why it's called Summer's Love Lineup. To figure out where you're batting in the order, listen here.

My Mom knew the two secrets to living a successful life: 1 - Wash your hands. 2 - Stand up straight. Being a mom was her career. But she was also a pretty young woman. What was life like for that pretty young woman... I still wonder.

The evil TV spirits are out to get us. Witches draw a line around themselves to keep the evil spirits away. I'm trying it !

I like lady sounds...long fingernails clicking while they're giving you a back scratch, snatches of songs that make the dishwashing easier, high heels clicking on hardwood floors, and best of all...a certain Lady's laugh.

Life is good. There's a new little girl in our family. Her name is Cecilia. And she is absolutely beautiful. She has her Grandmother's half smile. Live is very, very good.