Good Night

Some people think Big Louie his own bad self is old fashioned, just because he likes some of the old ways. He likes to remember fondly when they used to rub mustard plaster on you to stop coughs, and then friends would come over to dip their hot dogs on your chest. It was so friendly. He does like some of the old ways because he understands and respects people who have been around for a while. Those are our folks. The Louie Louie Generation. As he says in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, "Sex at 70 is more beautiful than ever, but it's really better to pull over and park." Lots of folks think it's strange that Louie puts people in their 70s in the same sentence as the word sex. To those people Big Louie takes a big healthy bite out of a raw onion and says, "Ha!"

I just got another email from that guy in Niger who wants to send me the inheritance from my long lost uncle who just died and left him as executor of his will, and all I have to do is send him my bank numbers and social security ID. So I'm sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room trying to figure out how come anybody would trust that guy. And that started me thinking that for a guy from Brooklyn, I'm a fairly trusting guy, and tonight I'm going to explain why I'm kind of a trusting guy. I like Big Louie's viewpoint that's in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. Big Louie always says, "You never can tell when something wonderful is going to happen." Wonderful things I didn't expect have happened to me over and over in my life. I even did a spoken word CD about it called, "Love Comes When You Least Expect It." Those are a couple of shameless plugs, but they're also how I really feel about life.

In a shocking revelation that was just made clear to me by an embarrassingly thin royalty check, there are many people who have not gone to Amazon dot com to acquire a copy of my book, Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. Subtitled, "We're the brand new Louie Louie Generation." Which is a shameless plug. But it also means some of you may not understand what the Louie Louie Generation is all about. So let me fill in this disastrous gap in your understandings about life. Unlike "Generation X" or "The Baby Boom Generation", there are no age limits to the Louie Louie Generation. You are a member of the "Louie-Louie" generation if you can pass these two tests: #1 is "Louie-Louie" a song that has been playing somewhere in the back of your head since you first heard it? #2 Is getting stuff done and having some fun more important to you than sticking nails through your tongue like the Pimple People, or sitting in a rocking chair drooling, drinking beer, and watching daytime TV like the Dreary Drones? More about the Pimpl

I love telling stories. I even did a spoken word CD called, Bedtime Stories. Available at Amazon and CD Baby. Shameless plug. I read stories to my Lady Wonder Wench every night when we go to bed. Winston Churchill, Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton were so powerful because they were great story tellers. Sister Mary Knucklebuster kept the boys in order in the third grade partly by promising if we behaved, she'd read a story to us just before 3 o'clock. And if we didn't...thwack. A good example of the use of the carrot and the stick. In her case it was a yard stick. Everybody loves a good story. My friend Kevin is a savage golfer. A savage golfer is three times as crazy as your standard golfing nut. So I tell Kevin Golf stories. For example, Tom, Dick and Harry were savage golfers. They played every Saturday morning through rain, snow, earthquakes and volcanic eruptions. One Saturday, Tom teed up and hit a shot straight down the fairway. Dick did the same. Harry teed up, and just as he was swinging at the ball, he

I have just returned to my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room after a dog-gone interesting trip to the post office. You always hear about "dis-gruntled postal employees" doing something weird or even nasty. Like shooting a president. But the lady who runs the local post office...we'll call her Mary Pat Susan because I don't want her to get in trouble for this in case the NSA or the lords of the postal service are listening and they don't like what she's doing. I figure that if there are dis-gruntled postal workers, there must be gruntled postal workers. And Mary Pat Susan must be the queen of the gruntled postal workers.

I do believe in a lot of things. I believe we're all different, just like everybody else. I believe the purpose of my life is to be happy, and to spread happiness as best I can. That may not be the purpose of anybody else's life, but it's the purpose of mine. I believe the measure of any man is how he cares for and protects the people he loves...especially his woman...if he is lucky enough to have a woman who will be his. I believe in making people feel comfortable enough to laugh with me, and secure enough to sometimes cry with me if they need to cry. I believe that if you cry long enough, loud enough, and deeply enough, you'll eventually start to laugh. I believe in being as honest as I can be, with other people and with myself. But I also believe you've got to leave a little room for "maybe" in deciding if somebody is telling you the truth. There is a difference between a mistake and a lie. Remember "Of course the world is flat...just look." "The sun orbits the earth...we all know that." "Sickness is c

I am not John Lennon. I cannot any longer say, Give Peace A Chance. I've had it with the guy on the commercial giving me the 800 number, and telling me to "Call Now." Who does he think he is telling me to call now. If he hadn't said that I might have called. But not now. Then he goes on to say, "But wait...if I call "Right Now"without even taking the time to change my underwear or check my email for sexy Russian brides, he'll throw in an extra bonus...the state of Nevada...or some such nonsense."

My Lady Wonder Wench has more lists than David Letterman. I have always envied David Letterman's job. He just walks out on to the set, and people applaud. What a great job. Wouldn't you like to go to work tomorrow and you walk in and say "hi" and people applaud? They're basically saying..."Hey look...he showed up." I like just sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room, watching my Lady Wonder Wench make her lists. She has lists for everything. Grocery lists, the list of days I'm supposed to do stuff like change the water filter, run the generator, go to the gym...all kinds of lists. By the way, I now call my toilet Jim instead of John. That way it sounds good when I say, "I went to the Gym the first thing this morning." Everybody likes lists. In my new book, Staying Happy, Healthy, And Hot (available at Amazon). On page 150, Big Louie has a genuine list of the Top 10 Happiness Helpers for you if you're feeling kind of down and droopy today.

I just got a slap on the side of the head reminder that I have been young for a very long time. I have a jacket that says Brooklyn across the front. I like the jacket partly because I've had it for a very long time. My Lady Wonder Wench doesn't like the jacket, partly because I've had it for a very long time...also it has a couple of holes that I like to tell people are bullet holes, and a rip under the left arm that I like to claim is from a knife fight. She shakes her head and rolls her eyes, but she puts up with it because she understands that I like wearing clothes that are thoroughly broken in. Clothes that have character. Clothes that help you make up stories.

CXY is a brand new, and very important understanding about life. It's a soft "C" by the way. Soft "C"-"X" "Y". I'll tell you what I mean. I try hard to understand life. I was sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair watching TV, and a totally confusing commercial popped up. I am easily confused by some commercials, although I do commercials for a living. One commercial that confuses me is the one that's supposed to help some guy by the name of Ed. That's his name. ED. He has a girl friend by the name of Alice. In this commercial, Ed goes to see Alice, hoping for an evening of romance, but Ed has some kind of problem, and so Ed and Alice spend the rest of the evening in separate bath tubs. As I will explain, his problem has to do with his soft "C" "X" & "Y".

I have been fined once too often and I'm going to sit here in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room and complain to you about it. My Lady Wonder Wench came back from the supermarket today, looking totally exhausted and upset. I said, "Are you ok?" And she said, "I'm fine." No. She wasn't fine. I have seen her when she is fine, and she doesn't look like that when she's fine. She looks so very fine when she is fine. What is it with that "fine line." It's like we've taken the words, "Hi, how are you? I'm fine" and turned it into one word. "HihowareyouI'mfine." The person asking you how you are doesn't really want to know 90% of the time, and you're not fine 89% of the time. Why don't we say what we really mean? Hi, what's your problem. I feel like throwing up.

Now and then I start thinking about then...while I'm sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly black leather poppa chair. Things are not as easy as they were then...when I was wearing my Coney Island lifeguard body. It was a wonderful time. I was at the height of my young manly hunk hood. I considered it to be my civic duty to walk the entire beach at least three times a day, so the girls could admire my magnificent bod, rock hard abs, bulging biceps, tight bun stuffed into my tiny speedo, as I was flexing and perspiring in the sun. When I noticed a girl was watching, I smiled confidently, and wiggled my ears at her. That made her smile. A smile is a wonderful thing. In those days it sometimes led to under the boardwalk demonstrations of mouth to mouth resuscitation. That was then. This is now.

"Alice" is the name I've given to the lady's voice in my car GPS. She quite often has conversations with my Lady Wonder Wench when I'm driving. Their conversations frequently have to do with my driving techniques, which I will admit are sometimes...unorthodox.

We are not from different planets. We are Earth Louie-Lads and Earth Louie-Ladies...face it. Furthermore, Big Louie admits that Louie Lads will never understand Louie Ladies. He has a hunch however, the Louie Ladies know all about Louie Lads. That's not fair. But what else is new?

We now have genuine medical proof that just drooling over a well endowed or hunky specimen of your sexual preference is good for your heart. That's because it actually raises your blood pressure. Which you have to do to lower your blood pressure. I know that sounds strange, but that's what people with genuine MDs as opposed to the Internet kind tell us. We can actually cut down exercising by extended and sincere drooling. Speaking of exercising, I have to get back into some kind of shape. As I told you in my book Staying Happy Healty and Hot, available at Amazon...I have no intention of allowing myself to become just a chunk of luke warm meat. Ever since I had that Louie Louie Generation operation...sometimes known as a knee replacement, I haven't been doing much sweating and straining. And hey...by the way...have you ever noticed how sexy co-ed sweating and straining at the gym can be? I think Big Louie would make a good personal trainer. He always says, "If you have any moving parts left, move em." And no

For most of last night my house was making noises. I heard the first one while I was sitting in my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in the living room reading Billy Crystal's new book. It's a good book by the way. Proud Podcast Participant Carole M said "get it", so I did. She has a way of saying things in a very convincing fashion. I should ask Carole to send all of you Emails telling you to get my book, Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. Amazon would go nuts trying to keep up with the orders. But back to the noises. They're not big bangy things. Just little tick tock things, and they seemed to be coming from all kinds of different directions. I heard another one just a little while ago and I was thinking maybe I could record one, and one of you would be able to tell me what it is. They're just little tick-tock sounds, but they got kind of spooky last night. I was just sitting there reading and my Lady Wonder Wench said..."Somebody is throwing things at our front door." I heard those little ti

I am sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair trying to calm down after an hour of hurtling down the hideous, holy, highway outside my house. I mean that highway is hideously holy. You can get seriously hurtled on that road these days. It's hard to tell whether those are potholes in the highway, or sinkholes. Some of them look like the craters of newly formed volcanoes. I am a manly man. I eat rocks and I chew on metal. Well...salt is a rock, and I suck on zinc tablets when I'm getting a cold. As a matter of fact, I keep my stash of chocolate chip cookies on the shelf just over the zinc tablets, because I've heard that there are no calories in cookies that you eat over the zinc.

I'm sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room with a grand canyon size smile on my face, because it has been an evening of wildly erotic interdigitating with my Lady Wonder Wench. The Politically Correct Forces For Good in the community were sometimes outraged when we interdigitated before we got married. But we didn't care. We interdigitated at every opportunity. And even after all this time, we interdigitate... two or three times a day...and night. Like tonight. We sometimes take the time to initerdigitate while waiting for a long stop light. We interdigitated right out in public tonight. We do that frequently. During a recent session of especially erotic interdigitating, I tried to explain to My Lady that we really should jump into a shower together so we won't catch fire. She wasn't buying it. Interdigitating can be dangerous, but we feel that it feels so good that it's worth the risk. Interdigitation is my hand picked word for holding hands. I love to inter

I'm sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room. I Just had another interview about my book, Staying Happy, Healthy And Hot on my friend Michael Harrison's radio show, A Touch of Grey. He calls his show, The Talk Show For Grown-ups. It's fun doing these interviews. I got to talk with Pia Lindstrom on Sirius/XM radio again too. These interviews were such a lot of fun that my son David...who is also our podcast master...posted them on the website at www.dicksummer.com right under the book cover on the home page. Give it a listen when you have a moment.

I don't believe this headline. "Cabin Fever" it says. It says the tough winter is keeping people home! Oh no! This terrible weather is making me stay in a nice warm place, where I can scratch any where there's a itch, where there's a refrigerator stuffed with cherry vanilla ice cream and various adult beverages, where there's a beautiful woman who smiles at me, and stretches out on the couch wearing just her pink bathrobe and fuzzy slippers, and a towel wrapped around her freshly shampooed hair. Oh no! I have to get up out of my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair to put another pine log on the fire to keep it crackling and hissing pine perfume out into the air. How terrible.