Good Night

Pull up a chair, chillin, and lend an ear. I am really excited. I have just found out that I am intimately involved in one of the worlds' biggest bad decisions. Now there are different levels of very bad decisions. If you are a very curvy young lady, taking accordion lessons would be a very bad decision. A different level bad decision was when the Japanese decided to bomb Pearl Harbor, although all our aircraft carriers were out to sea. That was a very bad decision. Taking a bite out of that apple was a bad decision on Adam's part. When the Red Sox sold Babe Ruth's contract to the Yankees, that was also a bad decision, as was the 1971 trade that brought Jim Fregosi to the Mets for a pitcher. A pitcher by the name of Nolan Ryan. Big Louie, his own bad self, the star of my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot says, "Giving another man the opportunity to make your woman smile is a very bad decision. Very bad." 12 publishers made the very bad decision to turn down "Harry Potter And The Sorcerer's Stone." Big

Follow your dreams...that's what all the great thinkers tell us. And I think you should follow your dreams, except for that one where you're naked at work. If you don't follow your dreams you'll spend your life sitting in some corner gathering dust like the Dreary Drones in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. I followed one of my dreams a long time ago, when a major record label hired me to do an album of some of the lovin touch stories I told on the radio. I thought it was a dream come true but it turned out to be a nightmare. It was a Hollywood based record company and they assigned a typical Hollywood director to the session. He must have been a gifted child, because no mother in her right mind would have paid for him. He was the kind of guy who, if we had texting back then, and you told him he was texting too much, he would have just tilted his head to one side and smiled. I think he slipped into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't watching. But he was a big time Hollywood director, and I was jus

I am an attention sponge. We all want a little attention. Some achtung! There are three little words that'll get a lot of guys attention... "My husband's home." That'll do it every time. There are four little words that will also get a guy's attention... "You've got a raise." That statement has several different meanings of course. It means one thing if your smiling boss says it, and it's another thing if your smiling wife or girlfriend says it. "Once upon a time" are four little words that get lots of everybody's attention. Tell me a story time. Good story tellers always get plenty of attention. Christ was a great story teller. So was Mohammed, Churchill, Roosevelt, Hitler, and my mom and dad. Dad used to tell me stories about knights in armor, and "hit in the clutch ballplayers" like Duke Snider. Mom used to read me poem stories like "The Highwayman." I recorded that for my radio show once upon a time, a long time ago. That long ago recording goes like this.

According to Big Louie his own bad self, one sure way to tell if you're in a real family restaurant is check the conversations that are going on. If there's a lot of screaming going on at all the tables you're in a family restaurant. But there's some nice stuff happening there too. Like this

I told you...let some Louie Louie into your life, and your life will have more life. I'm sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable black leather poppa chair in my living room trying to keep from doing a one man wave. A Harvard professor by the name of Ellen Langer says I'm right. I've told you lots of helpful things through the years, like, "Rectal thermometers are the best way to take a baby's temperature, and besides it really shows who's boss." And "If your kid picks his nose a lot tell him "stop that till you're old enough to buy a car and sit in traffic." And my buddy Big Louie is always telling you that, "If you have any moving parts left, for heaven sake Move ‘em." And, "You never know when something wonderful is going to happen. But an annoying number of you totally ignore this wonderful advice from Louie and me.

Like a lot of Louie-Louie Generation guys, sometimes I just don't think things through. That's why we need the guidance in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, from Big Louie his own bad self the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie-Louie Generation. He makes things so simple. He says, "Just figure out what you don't do well, and don't do those things." Brilliant. He says, "Deep down we're all pretty superficial" and he's right. He says "Why make things complicated. The answer to the common cold is gesundheidt." Danke schon ! is all I can say. But his explanation for why a guy is attracted to a particular woman is one of his top ten best. He says, "Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder" and that's one of my favorites.

I don't have a smartphone. My Lady Wonder Wench and I have the last dumb phones in our zip code. All they do is make phone calls. I like the fact that other people's smart phones can't text me, because I like sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room, just entertaining myself with visions of sugar plums and my Lady Wonder Wench dancing in my head. Like most Louie Louie Generation guys who have real flesh and blood lives, I really don't need to have my phone constantly connected to every other phone or computer in the world like the Pimple People and the Dreary Drones. I am not bored with my flesh and blood life. There's obviously a lot to be said for the virtual reality world. And I go to the movies, I watch UTube stuff, & I love to read books. But I'm a steak and potatoes guy and there's no way I'm going to let some virtual reality eat away at the flesh and blood life I love. I guess you could call this non-virtual reality my "Meat Reality."

I like ladies. I have always liked ladies. When I was a kid, and the other guys were throwing snowballs at the girls, I always threw snowballs at the guys who were throwing the snowballs at the girls. As I said, I have always liked ladies. So does my buddy Big Louie. As I have explained in my book, Staying Happy Healthy and Hot, I am the spokesman for his brand new Louie Louie generation here on earth. Last year Big Louie and I ran a survey of how most guys deal with Valentine's day. The results were really nasty. Almost all the Dreary Drone guys said, "I'm too old to worry about that kind of thing." And almost all the Pimple People guys said, "It isn't Kool." And we have some breaking news from the Pimple People from Proud Podcast Person Betsy K. She sent me a list of a just published Pimple Person list that claims to be the "New Man Rules." And I think it explains a lot. It's in this podcast.

I am sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room, thawing out from the trip I just took to the mailbox. It's cold. No I mean COLD. That's because it's February. And as I told you in my book, Staying Happy Healthy And Hot (available at Amazon.com) the word is FebRUary. Not Feb-YOU-ary. Think about this please: If you, a priest, a rabbi, and a minister walked into a bar and the bartender asked if you wanted some b-YOU-skis you, the priest, the rabbi and the minister woud all figure it was some kind of joke. It's bREW-skis. And it's FebRUary. February and brew-skis are both cold. I took my hot cup of coffee with me to keep my hands warm when I went up to the mailbox just now, and by the time I got back to the house, I had a large lump of coffee rattling around in the cup. My next door neighbor Randy was out getting his mail too. I said "Hello", and it was so cold, the "lo" froze, hit the ground and broke before he could hear it. He thought I was just saying "Hell" an

Looks like Louie has done it again. I'm sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room, and I just got a note from Big Louie. He said I should tell you to "If things are tough, let a smile be your umbrella, because you're going to get soaked anyway, and grins are always good." Big Louie is always good company. And good company is precious. If you're new to these weekly podcasts, I should explain that Big Louie is an important part of my book called Staying Happy Healthy And Hot (available at Amazon) and part of the reason for doing the podcasts is to promote the book. But that's a long way from being the only reason. A more important reason is that some of my friends are getting old. Now I've always believed that getting old has a lot to do with how you feel about things. And how you feel about things has a lot to do with the kind of company you keep...or don't keep...and what you do...or don't do with your life. I've got another birthday coming up, and like most p

I am convinced that somewhere near here there is a dedicated group of women who call themselves the Fed Up Females Federation of America. And I am sure that it is that group which is responsible for the doll by the name of Mr. Wonderful. Mr. Wonderful is sitting right here on my lap in my big, manly, comfortable black leather poppa chair in my living room right now. He's about 5 inches tall, and he weighs around 6 ounces. He has wavy brown hair, and a big happy-wappy smile. He looks a little like my dentist when he says, "This will just feel like a little pinch," as he hides a foot long needle behind his back preparatory to digging a root canal into my quivering gum. When you push a button Mr. Wonderful says things like "Here, you take the remote. As long as I'm with you I don't care what we watch." And, "Why don't you relax and let me make dinner tonight." My buddy Randy's wife Bernadette, got Mr. Wonderful from a friend of hers…probably the president of The Fed Up Females Federation of America. Bernade

There are those who would say that I am sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair doing nothing. Ha. I am constantly doing the very stressful thing that is the obligation of all real men. As I have explained in my book, Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, I am preparing for any possible disaster. Standing by to deal in a manly way with whatever evil lurks in the darkened corners of my loved ones lives. Or sitting by in my case. That's one of the least understood differences between men and women. Quite often the estrogen enriched amongst us don't understand the strain we men must endure...always preparing. They don't understand the relief it would be for us if we could spare the time to relax by doing simple things, like washing the dishes, or vacuuming the floor, or cooking dinner. But no. It is our obligation to remain prepared... to protect our loved ones from the darkness and despair that hovers...waiting...to pounce on loved ones who are not well protected.

Life is a parade, not a stage show. I've been sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room watching the parade for quite a while. As a matter of fact, I still get up and do a little marching in the parade myself, because as Big Louie always reminds us, "If you've got any moving parts left, move 'em." I sure moved mine last night. I'll tell you about that in a minute. Big Louie says lots of things to guide our Louie Louie Generation. Another thing Louie says is: "You can never tell when something wonderful is going to happen." I think you made something I'd call wonderful happenen to me recently. I asked you to tell some friends about this podcast, and we seemed to have picked up a lot of new listeners in the past few weeks, so thank you. I hope you'll keep doing that.

You think about "Once upon a times" when a new year pops up on the calendar. Once upon a time. For lots of people 1999 was a long time ago. That's the year our 15 year old high school kids were born. How did you get along way back then without your smart phone, your car gps or your email? WARNING - this podcast ends on a strange note.

It's really here. And the "Kid" in all of us gets to pop out and say WOW!. There's the best version of The First Noel ever recorded on this podcast, and the end of the podcast is a story I told you last year...and you sent me lots of Merry Christmas comments about it. So...Merry Christmas...to all of us.

You can never tell when something wonderful is going to happen. That's part of my book, Staying Happy, Healthy And Hot (available at Amazon.com...shameless plug.) And 5 years ago something wonderful happened in our family. Our little Princess Cecelia was born. She gives you her absolutely wonderful take on Christmas this time.

Pretty simple this time. Lots of Christmas stories you've sent, and a couple of mine. Plus, "Pick A Person." Pick somebody you know who won't get much attention this Christmas, and give him/her...a little attention. Not money. Maybe a couple of really warm smiles, or perhaps a Tootsie roll present. It'll give you a feeling you won't be able to give away...till next Christmas.

I tried to get you to do this last year with little success. Big Louie always says, "You can never tell when something wonderful is going to happen," so maybe I'll have better luck this year. Also, Pick A Person for Christmas is in here, and maybe the funniest Christmas story I've ever heard. It was such a belly laugher that for the first time in my life, I simply couldn't finish it.

It's Ho-Ho-Ho time again. And I think it would be neat if we'd pick a person who may not have much ho-ho-hoing going on in his/her life, and lay one on him. Not looking for money, just a little attention...and maybe a Tootsie Roll kind of a gift. It could be just a genuine smile, or a "Merry Christmas" like you really mean it. I'll bet there's someone you know...maybe just a little...who could use it.

I am now a newly minted Skype-scraper. A Skype-scraper is not a tall building with a TV antenna on top. A Skype-scraper is a guy who manages to scrape together enough equipment to use a computer video program called Skype. The new computers make it pretty simple I'm told, but my computer is approaching boat anchor status, meaning it's more than five years old, so there was lots of scraping going on for a camera, a compatible mic, adapters and stuff like that. It was really kind of neat and it was a lot of fun. My friend Neal Braverman has a pretty good size group of folks who like folk music up in Boston, and I got to talk to them while I was sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room last Sunday night. I like folk music too, and I used to play a lot of it when I was a dj at a Boston radio station. So Neal invited me to talk to the group, since lots of them were part of my Boston radio huddle. I was on the air late at night, and I called my listeners my "huddle,"